Recorded Fury

Yet Another Return

2011-06-24T10:33:00.002-05:00

I've blogged in the past, and like a lot of bloggers, not met my commitment to blogging. Well here I am declaring another return! Get ready for it friends.

Gear

2011-02-11T12:38:00.000-06:00

Im coming to acquire all the essentia for BA DSLR video production.

I've got my Camera Canon 60D

I got my Tripod and Head - Manfrotto 055XPROB Tripod with 501HDV Head Kit

and will soon be receiving my audio recorder - Zoom H4N On-Camera DSLR Audio Kit

Next comes making videos. There are so many online Film Festivals and Contests I want to enter.
DSLR Cinema - Speechless
Cinema Out of Your Backpack
48 Hour Film Race
Here's hoping I enter at least one.

Also soon to come is a new video I made goofing around with my tripod and camera entitled "Morning Mate"

My wishlist of future gear
- Kessler Pocket Dolly
- 50 mm Lens
- Zacuto Viewfinder
- Some shoulder mount

flavors.me

2011-02-09T00:29:00.001-06:00

I got a web setup through flavors.me. I searched through all sorts of web editors but really wanted simplicity like this. Thanks to Dave Peters for showing it to me.

Should I get back into twitter? I'm feeling like it's a must for up and coming hep cats.

SOON TO BE UPDATED

2011-02-08T17:30:00.001-06:00

You can now reach this blog via brycejanderson.com and I will soon be updating it with media.

Regret Removes the Human

2010-05-19T10:28:00.000-05:00

I got into an argument with a roommate the other day. It was about a mosque being built near the Twin Towers. To oversimplify our viewpoints: I thought they had the right to, and people shouldn't be upset, he thought they had the right to, but people should be upset.

Short story - we hashed it out, even raising our voices at times. (OH MY!) We decided I was taking the emotion out of the argument, making it more of a theoretical situation, and he was figuring the emotions in, making it a more human situation. I tend to do that. Whenever I analyze my past, or any human situation, I tend to take the human element out of it, and make it a moral or philosophical issue.

I think my method of moralistic analysis works in that it can realize, in hindsight, what the correct actions would have been. We can use these hindsight realizations to make less mistakes in future decision making.

What this made me realize personally is something I think people have been telling me for years. There's no point in regretting the majority of mistakes we make. If we were truly the cold, morally-analytical beings that made the most beneficial decision at all times we would be denying our humanity. I can think back to things I said to people or did to people and think of how stupid I was, or I can realize the emotional/situational state I was in at the time, realize I am human and try not to make the same mistake. By spending my time regretting, I am trying to take the past self and make it into something that is no longer the self. I'm trying to chastise the human that is me for not being a robot. This is misguided, the past me was a human, the current me is a human, let's hold myself to human standards.

SIDENOTE: I realize that this blog, in reality, is a hindsight's view of regret. I am in a sense analyzing my regret in the same way I would analyze myself, in such a fashion that often leads to regret. What I am not doing however, is regretting my past regret, merely realizing much of it as misguided, and decreasing its impact on my future.

Customer Service

2010-04-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

So I got a job working as a customer service representative for a company that will remain unnamed. I have realized a few things about the average customer service call.

1. My job would nearly be obsolete if people discovered the power of writing down passwords.

2. WOMEN (I'm going to generalize here) will not attempt to problem solve themselves before calling into customer service. Often I suggest the first thing I would have tried upon encountering any computer problem;close the window and open it again, click again, try restarting, etc. and it will solve their problem.

3.When using a military system to spell out misheard letters A as in abuse, or F as in fart are not good ways to reference those letters.

4. It's very frustrating when you send us an e-mail complaining that you havent received your "welcome" e-mail, and we see that the email you sent us, was a reply to your welcome email.

5. The majority of people over 40 don't understand how a computer or the internet works.

6. Windows 2000 is now a decade old, it's ok to upgrade.

7. My name is not Brian, Ryan, or Bill.

8. You should title your emails specifically and to the point Ex: "Password Problem," rather than: "trouble with the login thing on the second page I need help please thanks"

9. If you send us a question, give us the info we need, possibly a full name.

Bad Example: Hey, my program isnt working, can you help? -Tom

10. People over the age of 70, who I have long said should be required to retest frequently for a driver's license, should also be tested to get a computer owner's license.

Anyway, people with really dumb questions are frustrating, but I do love the job because when you answer a question like, " Ma'am please remove the blindfold, you will be able to see your computer much better" they think you have Jesus-like superpowers.

I like myself.

2010-04-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

Ever have ideas where you can’t tell if they are inspirational or depressing? Well this is one of those ideas. I’m going for inspirational, but it is only going to be so if you can handle the idea with a little cheese on top.
So I get down on things sometimes. I think all of us have those days where the worldly shenanigans just aren’t that appealing to us. Maybe people are just ticking you off. Maybe you’re feeling like the last kid picked for the basketball teams. It happens.
I’m having one of these days at the gym the other day. I will mind you that much of the time I get down not because I feel that I am not valuable, but because I think the world I live in is not valuable. You know those days where humanity just lets you down? One of those days where Pat Robertson claims people get AIDs because they’ve been awfully naughty towards their Omni benevolent God recently or ne of those days when you go to history class, and the lesson is on the Philippines, and you see how the good ol’ U.S. you know and love royally screwed over that entire nation, and is still digging that screw deeper? In this particular gym day I was getting down on the world because 5 dudes had arrived at the gym together, and proceeded to LOUDLY talk about how much they could lift, mocking one another all along the way, lifting ridiculous (whether it be ridiculously small or overly large) weights with horrible form all while screaming about how drunk they got last weekend. So it’s not a “starving kids in Africa,” but a “pathetic and saddening that these people are the same species of thing that I am.” If Martian representatives were to arrive on earth, and these men were to greet them first, that would be the Martian’s impression of what a human was.
God Damn it.
Even if Martians met a respectable individual first that person would greet them kindly and then apologize for individuals like these numbskulls.
GDI!(God Damn It).
Anyway what I am getting to here is this. At that moment at the gym as these baboons commenced their buffoonery I thought to myself, “Man I am glad I am not one of them.” That thought continued and I realized, that as much as sometimes I may get down on myself, or the world, there is no one out there that I would rather be than myself. Imagine you were able to transform into the ideal person of your gender for your field of interest, whether it be Brad Pitt for good looks, Bill Gates for wealth, or Steven Hawking for intelligence, once you had become that person isn’t there something you would miss about yourself? How sad would you be to find that you were no longer you?
However I think about myself, whether good or bad, I wouldn’t rather be anyone else. I might want changes to myself, but if that change meant becoming someone else it’s not worth it. I want to be smarter Bryce, not Steven Hawking, Handsomer Bryce, not Brad Pitt. There’s some cheese here if you take this inspiringly, and some depression if the only thing you’ve got going for you is that you’re just glad you’re not an idiot.
Either way I think it’s a testament to the structured introversion I have attempted in this blog for years that the second blog I ever wrote entitled Bee Yourself was about frustration that all “adults” kept telling me as an 18 year old to just be myself, when as an 18 year old you really have no idea who you are or who you want to be. Now at the age of 21 I don’t know that I could describe for you exactly who I am, and don’t think that in all my years on this earth I will be able to define myself, but I do know that whatever that definition is, I like it. I can’t tell you who I am, just that it’s pretty sweet to be me, and not one of you idiots… Burn!

JK! You’re not all idiots. Except you. Yeah, you.

Brain Dead

2010-04-18T22:20:00.002-05:00

This blog is going to be slightly contradictory. I think. It is inspired by the fact that I am sitting at the Java House with two compatriots and my mind is blank. I am just staring ahead at this screen with nothing on my mind, frustrated that I can’t think of any great thoughts to share with the world.
I then realize that many times I complain and complain about how I simply cannot get my mind to shut up. It thinks and thinks itself to death, expounding upon any small thought to the furthest extent, and trying to relate every elucidation to every other elucidation until I cannot sleep or stop myself from thinking and simply exist.
In this very moment my mind has stopped itself from thinking. I am just staring at this screen. It’s not thinking itself into oblivion as it usually does. It seems a bit contradictory that the act of thinking about why I can’t think of anything made me think of something, and that really by doing this I am just fueling my frustration rather than just realizing that for once I have a cherished moment of silence. I could go home right now, lie in bed and immediately fall to sleep. Or I could go home and watch a movie, or read a book and absorb its contents without my noisy mind getting in the way.
I need to realize these moments more often and appreciate them. There’s something to be said for being able to put yourself in the correct mindset for any situation; pumping yourself up before a big game, or putting yourself in a solemn mood before a funeral. But there is also something to be said for simply realizing the mindset you are in, focusing on the energy of your body and using that energy for what it is best suited to. Both are desirable traits. In this situation I realized I have a rare moment of a mindset that I have a hard time forcing myself into and that I should cherish it. I do worry now though that now that I’ve realized that I am in this mindset, and I have started to analyze it, that the mindset will cease to be. I was just brought another cup of Yerba Matè, so I’ve got to finish that, but if my mind is still dead at the end, I’m going home and doing the most mind-numbing thing I can find.

Seattle Bryce to Iowa City Bryce

2010-04-15T14:19:00.001-05:00

I haven’t blogged in a while. My bad. It is very easy to get distracted by all sorts of things, good and bad, when returning to Iowa City. With my first post I will update you about my life and a few of it’s basic going ons.

My return to Iowa City was fairly epic. I was eager to return and didn’t want to risk not getting home in time for the big bash being held so I left after a full day’s work at the Forum. At about 10 PM Seattle time I left and headed East. I drove all through the night listening to peaceful music. It seems counter-intuitive to listen to that type of music during a night-time tiring drive but it really just fit the mood of driving through the mountains and hills, plus I really wasn’t all the tired. I drove, waiting for the sun to come up as I was just getting into Montana. I had this big plan to listen to Sufjan Stevens as the sun was rising over the Montana Mountains and I couldn’t wait to see if the sound would fit as perfectly as I thought it would. It totally did. Big win for the Bryce team. It was at this point that I began to feel tired. Too tired. I pulled over into a sort of rock quarry, leaned my chair back, pulled my hat down over my eyes and passed out. Approximately 45 minutes later I woke up, leaned my chair up, got out of the car to take a leak, and was back on my way. I didn’t sleep again until my return. I drove for about 27 hours straight, only sleeping for about 45 minutes within 40 some hours. By the end I was hallucinating all sorts of cool things and listening to 3 AM AM radio where there were conspiracy theories of aliens poisoning our bat population and democrats trying to put people in death camps with the census.: All around a totally fun adventure. My roommates were kind of lame and too tired when I got home to have fun with me, so I just passed out for quite some time.

Much partying occurred in the following weeks. Too much.

It’s hard adjusting to Iowa City life where I have so many influences on me, and distractions from myself: both good and bad. In Seattle it was just me left up to my own devices, doing what I thought was best for myself, with nothing else pushing me in any way. I liked myself a lot in Seattle. I did good things for myself. I tried new things and was a better person than I had been in Iowa City. Coming back I expected to maintain that 100%. It has been far more difficult than I had expected. I’ve had my few weeks of thunder now. I’m ready to get back on track.

Another thing since I’ve been back; everyone asks me how Seattle was and I don’t know exactly how to respond. I usually just say good.

The long and thick of it though is that I enjoyed Seattle a heck of a lot more than I thought would but in different ways than I thought I would. The city is not the place for me, but one very much like it is. A lot of the people were not exactly the people for me, but many unexpected people were. I didn’t have the crazy experiences I thought I would have, but I enjoyed many experiences I didn’t think I would. I grew as a person, changed a little. It’s hard to come back to a place where people know you one way, and try to bend their image to accept the changes. PEER PRESSURE you know? It’s more powerful than people think.

So I’m doing my best, trying to do better and we’ll see how that goes.

Leaving Las...Seattle?

2010-03-24T17:30:00.002-05:00

I deflated my mattress and packed all of my things into the Buick Park Avenue today. I’m leaving this place tonight.

It’s been real Seattle. I won’t say it’s all been good as I have definitely had some lows in my time out here, but I think despite the dips, the average altitude has leveled out to higher than it has been in the past. I won’t say that Seattle is a terrible city, but simply that it’s not one of the greats. There’s no personality to it as there is in Chicago, or even Iowa City. There is at least an admirable personality. Iowa City is greater in that it knows what it is and has to offer its residents. I’m ready to return to you 713.

I’ve been out here nearly 3 months, and looking back it seems a long time, but compressed, as all pasts are. My pocketbook has been more drained than it ever has but I hope to be on the road to recovery. I went out and tried to see your streets Seattle. They were rarely thriving with the life of those in Iowa City. There’s sadness here, and I’m done with it.

Roommates and the few friends I have met here: I will miss you and am greatly sad that you will not be by my side in my future journeys. I’ve never been very good at maintaining contact with distant friends, but I hope I will be better with you.

Today is probably the most beautiful day weather-wise I have ever seen in Seattle. I drove down John St. today and got repeated views of a blue sky with the space needle and Olympic mountains in the background. Birds swooped and sang in front of my car. The temperature is exactly what it should be, not too hot, not too cold. A truly perfect day. The one thing I can say I absolutely liked about Seattle is its beauty on a good day. I am both glad to leave on a high note and sad to leave such high notes behind.

I really am just waiting away the hours here at the forum until my epic journey home. I hope to leave here around 8 or 9 PM and drive through the midnight hour. I’m not stopping overnight anywhere this time, simply taking 2-3 hour naps in my car at truck stops. It should be an adventure and I’m hoping to go insane. I’m spending the majority of my remaining hours compiling the ultimate playlist.

I don’t like goodbyes. It’s not because I miss people, or worry that I will cry, just that they are awkward. I feel like I have to say goodbye to so many people, and that I should share some sentiment with them, or embrace them, getting all caught up in the moment, but that’s just not something I do. Getting caught up in moments that is. I’m not too much of a sentimental type (others may disagree), and it really takes me a long time to bond with people in much sense. I will miss a few people here I guess, but in no more of a way than I miss high school acquaintances. I don’t mean to be cold, I’ve just never been the type to quickly bond and then miss people. One revelation I had while out here is that I genuinely people back in Iowa City and my family. It was life affirming in that I had the power to miss. WOO!

713 here I come!

An Article by David Brooks That Expresses Something I'd Like to

2010-03-13T14:46:00.001-06:00

so I'm just borrowing his article, I hope that's ok.

Link the the original NYtimes Article

Who is Barack Obama?

If you ask a conservative Republican, you are likely to hear that Obama is a skilled politician who campaigned as a centrist but is governing as a big-government liberal. He plays by ruthless, Chicago politics rules. He is arrogant toward foes, condescending toward allies and runs a partisan political machine.
If you ask a liberal Democrat, you are likely to hear that Obama is an inspiring but overly intellectual leader who has trouble making up his mind and fighting for his positions. He has not defined a clear mission. He has allowed the Republicans to dominate debate. He is too quick to compromise and too cerebral to push things through.
You’ll notice first that these two viewpoints are diametrically opposed. You’ll, observe, second, that they are entirely predictable. Political partisans always imagine the other side is ruthlessly effective and that the public would be with them if only their side had better messaging. And finally, you’ll notice that both views distort reality. They tell you more about the information cocoons that partisans live in these days than about Obama himself.
The fact is, Obama is as he always has been, a center-left pragmatic reformer. Every time he tries to articulate a grand philosophy — from his book “The Audacity of Hope” to his joint-session health care speech last September — he always describes a moderately activist government restrained by a sense of trade-offs. He always uses the same on-the-one-hand-on-the-other sentence structure. Government should address problems without interfering with the dynamism of the market.
He has tried to find this balance in a town without an organized center — in a town in which liberals chair the main committees and small-government conservatives lead the opposition. He has tried to do it in a context maximally inhospitable to his aims.
But he has done it with tremendous tenacity. Readers of this column know that I’ve been critical on health care and other matters. Obama is four clicks to my left on most issues. He is inadequate on the greatest moral challenge of our day: the $9.7 trillion in new debt being created this decade. He has misread the country, imagining a hunger for federal activism that doesn’t exist. But he is still the most realistic and reasonable major player in Washington.
Liberals are wrong to call him weak and indecisive. He’s just not always pursuing their aims. Conservatives are wrong to call him a big-government liberal. That’s just not a fair reading of his agenda.
Take health care. He has pushed a program that expands coverage, creates exchanges and moderately tinkers with the status quo — too moderately to restrain costs. To call this an orthodox liberal plan is an absurdity. It more closely resembles the center-left deals cut by Tom Daschle and Bob Dole, or Ted Kennedy and Mitt Romney. Obama has pushed this program with a tenacity unmatched in modern political history; with more tenacity than Bill Clinton pushed his health care plan or George W. Bush pushed Social Security reform.
Take education. Obama has taken on a Democratic constituency, the teachers’ unions, with a courage not seen since George W. Bush took on the anti-immigration forces in his own party. In a remarkable speech on March 1, he went straight at the guardians of the status quo by calling for the removal of failing teachers in failing schools. Obama has been the most determined education reformer in the modern presidency.
Take foreign policy. To the consternation of many on the left, Obama has continued about 80 percent of the policies of the second Bush term. Obama conducted a long review of the Afghan policy and was genuinely moved by the evidence. He has emerged as a liberal hawk, pursuing victory in Iraq and adopting an Afghan surge that has already utterly transformed the momentum in that war. The Taliban is now in retreat and its leaders are being assassinated or captured at a steady rate.
Take finance. Obama and Tim Geithner are vilified on the left as craven to Wall Street and on the right as clueless bureaucrats who know nothing about how markets function. But they have tried with halting success to find a center-left set of restraints to provide some stability to market operations.
In a sensible country, people would see Obama as a president trying to define a modern brand of moderate progressivism. In a sensible country, Obama would be able to clearly define this project without fear of offending the people he needs to get legislation passed. But we don’t live in that country. We live in a country in which many people live in information cocoons in which they only talk to members of their own party and read blogs of their own sect. They come away with perceptions fundamentally at odds with reality, fundamentally misunderstanding the man in the Oval Office.

I'm Proud to Be and American, Where at Least I Know I'm Free...

2010-03-11T14:32:00.003-06:00

How ridiculous is that song? SO RIDICULOUS!

So Geoff asked me what I think about the Star Spangled Banner. I don’t really know. I honestly couldn’t sing all the words. That probably tells you how important romanticized patriotism is to me. So I look up the lyrics and give them a once over

Oh say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore, dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
'Tis the star-spangled banner! Oh long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion,
A home and a country should leave us no more!
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps' pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war's desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav'n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: 'In God is our trust.'
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Is it disrespectful to print the National Anthem in smaller text than the rest of this blog?

I don’t have too much of an issue with song until the 4th stanza. Up until then it is really a patriotic retelling of American success on a battlefield. There are really only three verses, which I have bolded, which I disagree with.

There’s a large idea within the Tea Party movement that the United States is a Christian Nation. I don’t agree with this, as there are legal separations between church and state, there are large portions of our population that are not Christian, and the founders of our nation, while some may have been Christians themselves, established this country as one in which any belief system should be able to practice freely. The only difficulty is that when many are making votes on various issues, they are doing so with religious conviction. With a Christian majority, that often swings things in their favor. We can say that the majority of Americans are Christians, but we cannot say that we are Christian nation.

The three verses I take trouble with basically say that if we trust in God and conquer in his name, then our conquering is just. That’s kind of a scary thing to be proposing, as many a many war have been fought killing millions for similar claims.

So what should we do about this? I personally would love to see a new National Anthem that reflects all of American values, but in a country as diverse as the United States that is probably impossible. We could strike those verses in the song, but I think that is disrespectful to the songwriter as the song is his intellectual property. I would be comfortable leaving the National Anthem as it is, as long as our citizens realize that it is a representation of the historical United States, not necessarily the modern nation. They must keep in mind at all times that the nation in revolutionary war times was NOT a Christian Nation, but had a much more established Christian majority than today.

Here’s the issue. I think a large portion of the United States, will not look at it as such. There is a large portion that will want to set forth that this is what the founders of our nation supported and that therefore we are a Christian nation and should continue to be one. This frustrates me because it does not recognize that change happens and is something that needs to be adapted to. If I form a company in 1930 that sets its company motto as “I will produce the best vinyl records that I possible can” Do you think that will still be my motto in 2010? It may be, but the term records will be opened up to include CD’s, cassettes, or whatever new forms of media emerge. I would hope that there wouldn’t be workers in my company that would protest that I am making new forms of media, simply because of a motto made in 1930.

We should look at our National Anthem as a remembrance of the hardship our nation has been through in its formation, and the things for which the founders did stand. I’m going to make a bold claim here and say the most important thing they stood for was freedom. The U.S. was formed on the basis that certain belief systems were being persecuted in their respective countries, so people came here to practice their beliefs freely. By establishing ourselves as a Christian nation that is simply sending a message to the rest of the world that we are not as free as a secular nation.

Homosexuals are Good for Men

2010-03-10T20:33:00.002-06:00

I think we are in a time in which we have the capacity to understand each other at a level never before possible. It just makes sense, that as humanity progresses, our understanding of one another and ourselves will along with it. Look at literature and film. The themes often remain the same but interactions become more complex. Just think of the variety of roles that are played in today’s films versus those of the 40s. Back then a man was a man and a woman was a woman. There was a specific understanding of what each one of those things was and what role they were intended to play. Because of these set roles and understandings relationships were limited. They had to fit inside those roles; the amount of variance and complexity simply couldn’t be what it is today.

I realized this while talking to one of my best friends last night. I realized that in previous eras there have been all sorts of things that stand in two peoples’ way of forming strong relationships and bonds. I am capable of forming bonds and relationships today far stronger than people ever have and it’s all because preconceived notions and roles have been opened up.

Issues that were formerly taboo can now be discussed because the taboo has been lifted. I can’t speak for women here, having been a man my entire life, but the idea of what a man is has changed so much, and become so much more open, that it is now possible for two straight men to have far more rewarding friendships than ever before.

A large issue in this is the idea of masculinity and what is considered masculine. A large portion of the anti-homosexual rhetoric through the ages has been based around the idea that a homosexual man is not masculine. Through further acceptance of homosexual men as men, despite their preference for other men, is not only good for their cause, but good for that of heterosexual men like myself. The large portion of the fight for gay acceptance is based around changing the oppressing ideals of what a man is. I thank them for their fight on this front because through their opening of ideas, not only the masculinity of homosexuals is accepted and opened up, but the masculinity of heterosexual men has as well. I may not shoot guns, chomp down steaks and make my woman prepare me sandwiches, but I am still masculine.

In this sense, acceptance of homosexuality is not only good for homosexuals; it also helps heterosexuals simply by making us reconsider the foundation under us. If things that are taboo are lifted, more open discussion, and deeper understanding is possible. If deeper understanding is possible, stronger bonds and relationships can be formed.

Appreciate that you live in a world freer of taboo and social oppression in the U.S. than ever before, and that you are able to be in more rewarding and deep relationships because of this. Also, always go out and continue the trend so that one day our children’s children can have even more rewarding relationships than we were able to have.

Funfact: freer is correct as opposed to more free (thanks Microsoft Word Grammar check)

Contemplating this Blogging Thing

2010-03-10T19:03:00.000-06:00

I have been going through and putting all my past blogs into word files and organized folders on my computer and reading some of them as I go along. It’s been an interesting exercise.

I’ve discovered some things about myself.

-I judge people too soon and often find that they don’t meet the judgments I previously made.

-Sometimes I get to heated about politics and people with opposing beliefs, causing myself to use harsher language than I need to.

-I thought this blog would fail when I started it. It took a long time to get going, but I’ve been doing it for over 3 years now.

-My ideas have evolved and some of my opinions have changed, but when I read my first posts I see the same mind behind them that I have now.

I am also now vowing to compose all of my blogs in Word, read them over, and then post them. Some of my previous ramblings were simply unintelligible.

Damn those gays, destroying children's minds

2010-03-10T16:30:00.002-06:00

Is there some organization out there that's like Straights for Gays? I'm going to google it and get back to you.

All I Can Tell

2010-03-10T04:35:00.000-06:00

So tonight I leave work and I'm in a bum mood. No big reason, just not feeling so hot. I get up to my house and can't fathom going inside to ruminate in my dark lonely room. I simply cannot do it. I look up a late night coffee shop on my phone and end up going to the third busiest Starbucks in the world (Seriously). I sit down to read my book about the Intelligent Design vs. Evolution lawsuit in Dover and go about my business. I'm still in a rather bum mood.

A young guy takes the chair next to mine and proceeds reading his book. Our readings go on for awhile before he sees my book and asks, "oh are you reading that?" I say yes, explain the plot, we share a few pleasantries and I hope to go about my business. Who is this guy to bug me right? Later there is cause for more conversation and I realize it's unavoidable. This guy and I end up talking for about an hour. We share views on his business that he is starting up, (Jacob.mychoices.biz) his life in Seattle, my time in Seattle and have a great conversation. We then get into the idea of the project I am working on having to do with religion. I tell him about my beliefs, coming from a Christian background and going into more agnostic world view. Turns out he came from a nearly anti-religion background and because of his interactions with Christians, elders he admired and the like, he is now a Christian. Such an interesting circumstance. We discuss and discuss and come to realize that, for the most part, we believe the exact same things, the only difference being his leanings toward there being God, and my refusals to lean one way or the other. It was truly a life-affirming conversation to connect with a stranger and share positive beliefs so openly. Knowing that there are others out there who simply want positivity for the world and have a wonderful active mentality towards it is such a wonderful thing. I went from being in a bum mood to being in one of the best moods I have been in in months. This guy, and my interactions with him caused realizations in my mind, and really opened my eyes to the world around me in a different way.

So... My bum night turned in to a great one simply because of a shared connection of positivity. But that's not the main point of my blog. It is, but it isn't.

What I realize in all this is that I know I have gotten a wonderful breath of life, and because of that, I want to share it with others. I want to spread positivity and life. I want to clear out negativity from all others around me and spread positivity. This I know, and this I will do.

What I thought about though is how fortuitous it is that this guy crosses paths with me and brightens my day. I take immense interest in the fact that he happens to be a convert to Christianity while I am a convert away. A part of my mind thinks, "Hey, maybe this is a sign of a God arranging things in my favor, correcting my bum mood and spreading his love with me. Another part of my mind thinks, "No, that's ridiculous, this is simply fortunate coincidence"

So I got two sides, neither side can be proven. I can in now way prove that it was an act of God, and I can in now way prove that it wasn't an act of God, so in my mind there's no use thinking about that. What I deduce is that I have had a fortunate event, I appreciate that fortunate event, and because of both of those I am going to attempt to make fortunate events from others and share that life. That is all that matters. The positivity spreading is all that matters, whether it is the result of a God's actions or the result of things happening to come together randomly does not matter.

It's something I realized and needed to share. In a way I experienced the essence of what people have been interpreting as a god for thousands of years. All I can tell is it was positivity and because that positivity has been experienced more positivity will be shared. It's simply a testament to the fact that positivity breeds positivity. It's not a testament for or against a god, only to positivity's tendencies, and there's very little point in looking into it's causes.

Y'all read me? Cool. Spread positivity.

Americans are stupid.

2010-03-09T16:38:00.000-06:00

Yep. Admit it folks. The majority of Americans, in comparison to the rest of the developed world, are not very smart.

I sat down with a friend studying abroad from Japan to talk about differences in culture the other day. She shared with me that before she came to the United States she had the preconceived notion that we were all idiots, I told her she was correct, and she let me know that she had found it to be largely correct. She mentioned that while the U.S. has far more "elites" than other countries, their average citizen was of far lower intelligence and was holding the elites back. There's ton's of things that are causing this, it's not just one, and I don't really have a solution prepared. I do know however that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, and while I see lots of news reports touting our idiocy, I still get the feeling we're all in denial. Admit it America, you are, on average, dumb as a bag of bricks. Let's both admit it to ourselves, and start educating ourselves.

I'm tired of having to apologize to other nations for the majority of our citizens.

Roy Ashburn

2010-03-09T01:10:00.000-06:00

A quick tale that I think is immensely sad. If you haven't been following the extreme liberal internet blogs, you're probably a lot happier, but also you probably haven't heard the story of California Republican State Senator Roy Ashburn.

Dude resides of Bakersfield, and has voted against every pro-gay action that has come across his desk. Recently he gets picked up for a DUI with another man in his car leaving a gay night club. Later on a radio interview he admits to being gay, and in the closet for his entire adult life, voting against gay measures because it's what his constituents wanted.

I'm not going to comment on this man's integrity or decisions, only on the structure in the united states that affected his decision making. I think it is shameful that we live in a nation where there are those out there that so strongly believe in the immorality of homosexuality that this man was forced to live a lie for 40+ years, vote for things he surely didn't believe in, and be discovered in such an distasteful fashion.

Imagine you lived the first half of your life pretending you were something you were not because of the beliefs of the world around you. That's half your life wasted. That is extraordinarily sad. My heart breaks for this poor guy. Let's work towards a world where this doesn't have to happen.

In reference to my previous blog about understanding. I too have come a long way in understanding homosexuality. I once thought it was an evil sin, then simply a mental issue, then possibly a genetic tendency pushed along with a mental issue. It wasn't until I met one of my good friends (that's you DS, if you read this) and had long talks with him, and really got to know him better as a person that I finally understood that just as I am straight, he is gay.

If you've got some apprehensions about homosexuality. Go talk to some gay people. I'd be willing to bet they'd be willing to chat and answer questions in the name of understanding.

We're not so different, you and I

2010-03-09T01:00:00.000-06:00

I think one big mistake that people tend to make is thinking that people are so different than them. I don't honestly remember where exactly I intended to go with this subject, as I have been meaning to write about it for awhile. But we will see how things go.

One situation I constantly find myself in, and I am sure many of you do too, is when you cross paths with a person you have just recently met. As they get nearer and nearer you see them and think, "I sort of met them at that party" You debate whether to wave, say hi, nod, or even start a conversation. Usually I, shamefully, end up pretending I don't see them to avoid the entire conflict. What if they don't remember meeting you? What if the entire situation will seem awkward and you seem like a creeper?

Afterwards I always regret not saying hi. I mean, if I remember them, and they weren't that exciting of a person, why wouldn't they remember me? It's not as if everyone else but me has random blackouts where they don't remember their past. Why wouldn't I say hi? They probably saw me pass and wondered why the hell I was such a jerk, not acknowledging them.

Probably not though. This is a classic situation in thinking that other people are so different than me. The other person probably went through the exact same thought process that I went to, and decided to do the same thing as me.

AHH, now I remember where I was going with this. People always seem to demonize the opposition. Democrats think that Republicans are all out there trying to maliciously destroy their plans. Republicans probably think that all Democrats are out there trying to bring the U.S. into communism to destroy the values of former America. When in reality, it's probably more that Republicans think they know what is right, just as Democrats do, and both are simply fighting for what they believe in, which just happens to differ with the opposition greatly. Because both sides are so sure that they are right, the other side claiming that they are right seems offensively idiotic.

Really think though. Think about yourself. Are you capable of being directly malicious? Honestly wanting harm to come to another? Have you really known that many people, or anybody, who honestly wanted harm to come to another person? I mean in such a way that it wasn't just a misunderstanding, but in an intrinsically evil way? I know that I have never met a person who themselves were really what you would call evil. I know that I have sometimes done malicious things, but never because I was out to hurt anyone, it was always because I wasn't thinking straight, or because of a large misunderstanding.

If you yourself aren't capable of evil things, and you've never really met anyone "evil" (maybe you have) then why is it so easy to write opposing organizations and people off as demons?

This is something we are often taught at a very young age, but sometimes I need reminding. This realization applies to just about any situation in which people interact. It's all a matter of putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and imagining them in yours.

Let's take Hitler, because he's the most extreme example I can think of. Rather than demonize him, let's try to understand him. Here we have a guy who has grown to think that his country, and his people are truly the best things to inhabit the planet, he also honestly believes, just as you do that milk builds strong bones, that "undesirable races" were truly hurting the existence of the human race. He was brought up in some messed up ways, and he himself was not what you'd call mentally stable.

So was Hitler out there to be a tyrant, a force of evil, destroying goodness in the world? I'd dare say not, he was just an extremely misled person with extreme beliefs and a lot of political talent to act on those beliefs. Now I'm not saying we should have just given Hitler hugs, but I'm saying he is a person who himself was misunderstood, and had a lot of misunderstandings about the world, that he let take control of him.

I want to rid the world of this idea of evil. I don't know that you will ever come across someone who claims openly to be a force of evil, who is, actually evil. In that case, the person is probably just being controlled by their misunderstandings as well.

I can name tons upon tons of things that I have thought negatively about, then learned more about, and then thought positively about. I can name so many misconceptions and misunderstandings I have had over the years that I formerly believed so whole-heartedly in. Why is now any different? I don't think it is. I am excited for ten years from now when I can add thousands more misconceptions that I have now that have been corrected in those ten years.

What I'm saying in all this is there really is no such thing as "evil" evil is just another word for misunderstanding, or ignorance. The only way we can defeat "evil" is through understanding, and the understanding that things I may think I understand now, could one day prove to be completely misled. Maybe it's just the optimist in me, but I think people are good. They are capable of great bad, but I think if sought, understanding of those bad acts can either be understood, or discovered to not actually be bad.

This is one thing that bugs me about people who are so set in a particular belief system, because it so quickly rules out allllll the other possibilities. It doesn't give so much of the rest of the world a chance. It limits their scope.

Try to apply this in life people.

My biggest problem with this is thinking that other people's minds cannot operate in the same fashion mine does. They don't have the thoughts I do. Their life is different.

As I grow older, and share more experiences I realize this isn't true. It's arrogant to think that others minds can't experience the same things mine does.

You're about to get into a fight. That person's mind works the same way yours does. What's really going on here?

A person has completely opposing beliefs, they must be an idiot. That person's mind works the same way yours does. What's really going on here?

You are passing a casual acquaintance on the street. They probably don't remember you. That person's mind works the same way yours does. What's really going on here.

I guess it all comes down to what a pretty smart prophet said back in the day. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" Not saying those words are divine, but they sure hold a lot of truth.

A(n) Enjoyable Open Discussion

2010-03-06T17:13:00.001-06:00

I have been engaged in an argument/discussion of sorts with a few friends who have differing beliefs than I do and I have really enjoyed it both for it's substance as well as it's openness and the respect all parties grant one another. I am going to post the discussion in it's entirety as it has flowed thus far and would encourage more discussion to emerge here if people so please. B will stand for me and J and T will stand for my friends with the opposing views to my own.

J:
i know it probably wont convince any of you, but i am going to put my two cents into this homosexuality and christianity discussion. I’m not here to argue that it is a risky issue. just to clear a few issues.

for the people who think that homosexuality was only spoken against in the old testament, here is a verse in the new that talks about it. It is from paul’s letter to the romans. (romans 1:21 to 1:27) It says that man did not acknowledge God as God, so God let them do their own things. They gave into the sins of the flesh, women having unnatural relations with women, and men performing indecent acts with other men.

now it is important to not that this classifies homosexuality under lusts and sins of the flesh, not as a biological determining factor. i know people claim to have been gay since they were born, but there are also people who have wanted to look at pornography since the day they knew what sex was, and people who steal without thinking anything of it since they dont hurt anyone or get caught. It is just another part of our sinful nature. Your right they may have been born with those tendencies, but that is because man is naturally sinful since the fall.

this leads me to believe that homosexuality is a day by day, moment by moment decision to do right, just like any other sin. You could choose being a thief or a murderer or an adulterer for your lifestyle as well, but you still have the moment by moment decision to do the right thing.

I am not damning gay people any more that any other sinners, but i am saying that acting on homosexual tendencies is a sin. Fact of the matter is we are all sinners, and all worthy of hell, the same as the rest. fortunately, as you all know, i believe Jesus used some handy loving to break that.

the second thing i wanted to address quickly on here is just the point raised earlier about old testament validity. There are certain laws of the old testament that are not applicable now, and there are some that are. the question of “how is it alright for christians to pick and choose what rules they want to keep” has been raised. here is what i believe it comes down to. Christ directly pointed out which laws He wanted to change. The rest i believe stay intact. In the bible it talks about an old covenant and the new covenant, and Christ specifically identifies what parts are changed. essentially the rules about food, the rules about revenge, and the rules about punishment are the ones that are changed.

I am not one of those Christians who is going to tell you all to shut up and quit attacking my beliefs. I actually would much rather hear different people’s questions on things, because i have wondered many of these things myself before, and thankfully through asking have gotten some stuff cleared up. I dont have every answer, but feel free to quiz me, and i can try my hardest to explain my views, and as opposed to many “christians”, i will base my answers off of the bible (the WHOLE bible), instead of what some other person taught me.

hopefully that cleared a few things up.

B:
FIRST OFF What’s with this odd re-blogging to comment thing?

This is an issue close to my heart as I’ve got a lot of pals who cannot marry, or live their lives as openly as heterosexuals can because of these beliefs and beliefs like it. So I will continue the questioning.

If God disapproves of homosexuality, why is that? I don’t think God is free from the need to have justification for his actions so for what reason does he find homosexuality sinful. If you look at it from a historical perspective, homosexuals did not reproduce. In a time when having lots of children was essential for your culture to spread and survive, I could understand the “interpreters of god’s word” claiming homosexuality was sinful. As for today, I don’t see it harming anyone, and it certainly helps more people find loving relationships.

You mention that Jesus came through and made a new set of covenants that supersede the old testament, well Mohamed came through and the Qur’an claims to supersede the new testament’s covenant and rules. Why do you choose the bible and not the Qur’an? What make Jesus more credible of a messiah than Mohamed? It seems Islam is the newest thing out there, so maybe we should all jump on that boat.

Also this idea of the sinfulness in sexual urges. Human’s have biologically and mentally evolved to find that procreation is good for the species. It’s in our blood to want sex. Why would we have that in us if we have to feel guilty for it at all times. That’s like training a dog to sit, and then yelling at him every time he sits.

T:
I’m pretty done with tumblr debates, but there are just a couple questions of yours I want to answer.

1) My knowledge of Islam is EXTREMELY limited, but I’m fairly certain Mohamed never claimed to be the Messiah. Merely a prophet. I could be wrong, but all I’ve ever heard about Mohamed is that he’s the “high prophet of Allah” or something along those lines. Logically, I’d rather listen to what God Himself has to say than His servant who comes along and contradicts what His master says. Comparable to listening to the owner of the company, instead of his secretary who tells you something different afterward. But that’s just logically. I’ve seen truth in the teachings of Christ, and I’ve seen the truth of Christ carried out, tangibly, healings and miraculous works in the name of Christ. You may be skeptical, but I need no other proof.

2) Sex isn’t a bad thing. God created it, God intended it to be good, God intended us to want to have sex. But we have an enemy, he wants to destroy us, and he has perverted it (all this talk of God’s wrath and God’s judgment and all of these bad things being from God, we seem to forget that there’s an evil part of this equation, too). I mean, I really hope you wouldn’t argue the fact that twelve year olds having sex is not okay, because, “they’re just programmed to do it.” Even from a totally worldly standpoint, sex shouldn’t be taken lightly. No, God didn’t make sex a bad thing. The world did. Look at the products of sex in our current society. All of these diseases being passed from person to person, all of the babies that are growing up in unstable and sometimes dangerous homes, all of the girls whose lives and self esteem are ruined by guys who just wanted to get some tail, HUMAN BEINGS being kidnapped and trafficked because some sicko somewhere knows that people will pay for sex, and he can prophet from it. But that’s all okay because we’re wired as humans to want it? But then look at sex as God intended it, the way He created it. Just sayin.

Also, a question that I don’t really have an answer for: why does God think homosexuality is sinful? I don’t know. But if you look into the scriptures Jordan mentioned a bit more, Romans 1:26-27 says: “For this reason God gave them over to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged the natural sexual relations for unnatural ones, and likewise the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another….” Looking a bit more into it, “…exchanged the natural sexual relations…abandoned natural relations…” Going off this, I would guess that God sees it as sinful because that’s not how we were created. We were intended for relationships between man and woman. “But Tyler, if we aren’t supposed to be gay, why didn’t God just totally eliminate homosexuality?” Sexuality has been perverted, as I’ve already mentioned. “But it’s not a choice, you’re born that way!” We’re born with all kinds of desires. We have desires to lie to get out of trouble, we desire to steal what we can’t have, we desire sex outside of what God intended for it, because we’re born sinful.

Like I said earlier, I’m not really here to debate or argue, more to answer your questions.

But I would like to say that if we were just jumping on the newest thing out there, we’d all be scientologists, or worshiping Davey Havok or something.

B:
I’m tired of tumblr debates simply because I am not fond of the reblog system, other than that I think debating and discussing issues like this is one of the most powerful things this medium can be used for and I appreciate it’s existence.

As for Islam, I’ve been reading the Qur’an lately. While Mohamed may not claim to be messiah, he is still claiming to be a more recent prophet than Jesus, also claiming that Jesus was not a messiah, but merely a prominent prophet. The only difference is Mohamed, as far as I know, is not claiming to be a messiah figure that would save people from a hell.

The point is not that he is newer, and therefore better, why don’t we follow him? My point is that he has just as much credibility as Jesus does to his claims. He supposedly performed miracles, he spoke divine truths, he claimed revelations from God. The point is both just have some ancient books written by his followers to say he did these things. Why is one more believable than another? This isn’t a matter of one being a direct correspondent and another a secretary, this is a matter of two people claiming to be direct correspondents, with their claims, and “evidences” to those claims recorded in ancient texts written by their supporters.

As for sex is not a bad thing. I agree. Of course I don’t think children should be having sex, that’s preposterous. Maybe when they wrote that sex outside of marriage was a SIN, it was because they knew there were all these diseases, or so that it would be easier to tell paternity of a child. They were thinking of ways to have safe sex. Well I don’t need a God to tell me to have safe sex. Science can inform me far better.

This whole idea of a Satan though. Think about it. It all makes a wonderful story but why would God, being as omnipotent as he is not just make things all good? I get that challenges and all that are a fun idea, but really it just works into this grand narrative structure we like to apply to all of our lives. Give me one good reason God wouldn’t eliminate Satan, or prevent his creation in the first place, or make his presence fully known to us, or work in mysterious ways? Why would a God do such a thing to merely complicate things? Say I were to give you omnipotence, omnibenevolence, and omniscience. Would you set up things in the same manner?

Finally the homosexuality. Saying Homosexuality is sinful because that’s not how we were created sets me off at the bat, simply because I don’t believe we were just created, but that’s a separate argument. Once again you have to look at the historical context of why someone would write that at the time. Anything that prevented procreation was considered bad. Homosexuals don’t reproduce so they were deemed bad. Nowadays, we have plenty of people, really could use a little less population wise, so if two men or two women want to love each other and share their lives together, what’s the harm in it?

Take anything from a scientific or historic standpoint and it just makes so much more sense, not delusions need to be created to support a belief system.

Do you need God to tell you that murder is bad? I certainly hope not.

Can I see what is good and what is bad for the world, without a God telling me directly? Yeah I can.

Do I see homosexual’s doing anything remotely negative to the world? No.

What irks me the most, and I know none of the people I am talking with do this, but it’s that Religious activists will go out and try to deny gay people rights. They will fight against someone else’s rights, but you never see gay people going out and fighting against your right to worship you god, or believe what you believe. Can you imagine if Christians were the minority, and there were a larger belief system out there campaigning against your right to live your life the way you do? Put yourself in a gay person’s position and really think about what you are saying.

It’s not love to say one thing but believe another. I refuse to live in a world where people who don’t believe in your sin, are subject to your fear of it.

T:
Reblogging would probably go smoother if you put the reblogs at the bottom like everyone else, haha.

Anyway, short answers.

God created both men and angels in His image (which is goodness at it’s absolute purest state), and that includes free will. Everything which God created good was perverted by an angel who got a big head and thought he could do it better.

Simply practicing safe sex solves maybe half of the problems I listed. Following God’s plan would solve all of them.

Like I said, I believe in Jesus Christ because I’ve tangibly seen His promises fulfilled. No delusions. Seek Christ and I guarantee you’ll see His truth. This is why I have no desire to even consider Mohamed as a spiritual leader.

On the other hand, you could look at it historically from a different perspective, and think that maybe men were writing God breathed words that are intended to lead and teach generations to come, and God’s reasonings for what He considers unrighteous are far beyond our painfully limited human understanding. But alas, our debate seems to be at a dead end. You don’t believe the same as I do, and so my points based on my beliefs mean nothing to you. I guess that’s how all of these are going to have to end.

B:
Haha, thanks for the tip on re-blogging correctly. I am actually beginning to see the benefit in this comment system because it contains the entire discussion in one long feed.

I don’t think the debate is over. Usually I would say, “yes, we seem to have hit a brick wall, we will have to agree to disagree.” If this were merely a matter of disagreement I would do that. However I think this is a more pressing matter in that many that follow the beliefs you propose are attempting to force actions of those beliefs and people who don’t believe them. Like myself. Just as you have the right to vote against gay marriage, or the teaching of evolution in schools, and to go out and attempt to convince people of your way of thinking, I have the same right to vote against those things, and attempt to convince people of my way of thinking. I’d imagine you’d agree with me on that.

What frustrates me most in this regard are two things.

One: The United States of America is supposed to be a secular state, yet so many of it decisions that are made, denying certain people rights, or weakening the teaching of science in our public school system are based on non-secular beliefs. I understand that Christianity makes up the vast majority of the country, and it just makes sense that their vote would often win but I ask that you put yourself in my position. Imagine living in a country where Islam is the primary religion, and Christians are the minority. I imagine you would be frustrated because so often what you believed was entirely correct, according to your beliefs would be out-voted by the Islamic voting community. You’d live in a world where you may be forced to live by Islamic beliefs.

That is similar to the situation I, and others who have similar beliefs, are in in the United States. Though I do not believe in your sin, so many political decisions are based around a Christian fear of it. In my perspective this is holding us back as a human species.

Two: We both realize that we believe what we believe extremely strongly. I think I am right, and you think you are right as strongly as I do. My frustration is not in this, it is in the idea that the entirety of your belief system is based around an ancient text, written by people you have no reason to believe were divinely inspired other than the fact that they say they were. This is a feat any group of people could achieve given hard work and good writing skills. My beliefs are based on the things I see around me, quantifiable evidence, logical thought chains, and human understanding. If you wish for me to show you why I think evolution exists, I can reference you to thousands of experts who have studied it their entire lives, genetic mapping that shows strong signs of it, archaeological evidence, thousands of books and hundreds of other pieces of evidence. If I ask you to tell my why you don’t think it exists, you’ve got one ancient text written in a time when people did not possess the technological advancement to conceive of such a thing as evolution. I’m going to say, “ok, neat, what else you got?”

That all aside, you say you have had experiences that you consider divine. I was a strong believer in much of what you believe for a period in my life too. I went to Jamaica, did a missions trip, praised the lord in large signing groups on mountaintops, and I too had experiences that I believed divine. Now I realize the power of the human mind to delude itself. From a psychological standpoint it makes sense. The human mind can create amazing things, and if you are a believer in the divine, they will often be attributed to the divine.

I guarantee you there are millions of Muslims out there, Jews out there, who also believe, as strongly as you do, that they have experienced divine moments or seen promises fulfilled at the bequest of their deity. I guarantee you there are people out there who pray to Satan, or meditate in Scientological methods who believe they have experienced the divine or seen promises fulfilled at the hands of their deity as well. I don’t know if you would claim your experiences as more real than theirs, but I imagine if you did, they would claim there experiences as more real than yours. They are people, capable of experiencing the world around them just as you are. If you are saying your god is the one true god, are you saying their experiences did not happen? Heck, I have had meditative experiences where I simply explore my mind that in my former days, I would claim were divine. And I know that you may say, “Well that’s my God, reaching out to them, because he loves all humanity” or something of that sort. But if every religion claims the exact same thing, and none of them have anything beside a divine book telling them they are correct, how can you rightfully evidence, that yours, in fact, is more correct? I pray for a man to be cured to Zeus, and you pray to the Christian God. If the man is cured I have just as strong of an argument that it was Zeus that cured him as you do God. But a Doctor is going to tell you different, probably attributing it to care, a positive attitude (possibly aided by the well wishes or people praying for him) and to medicine.

For the Historical Perspective, I would most definitely agree with you that Christianity was probably started by a lot of people who wanted to do good in the world, and were interpreting the world to the best of their ability at the time. I would disagree that the words were god breathed, but I don’t, as many atheistic people do, believe that the men starting Christianity had anything ill-will and power in mind.

Now to the thing that I believe is at the core of this whole thing. “…and God’s reasonings for what He considers unrighteous are far beyond our painfully limited human understanding.” Human understanding is an amazing, expansive, and ever growing thing. In the early ages of civilization people saw thunder, and prayed to a lightning god to get it to go away, people didn’t get rain, so they prayed to a rain god. Nowadays we understand both thunder and weather as an extremely complex system that can be predicted, and sometimes even altered. Human understanding has come all the way from fearing any noise outside our cave at night as a demon, to understanding subatomic particles, the vastness of the universe, complex biological systems and delved into the human psyche. The most wondrous things about human understanding and discovery are that it is non-judgmental, entirely in search of the truth, and expanding faster and faster every day. Just look at the things we have discovered in the past 100 years. Imagine what we will understand in the next 100. Gods originated as a way for humans to cope with things they did not understand, and while now we don’t understand everything, we have learned that through scientific process, open inquiry and non-judgmental exploration we can understand things we didn’t used to. The people 2000 or so years ago wrote the bible to let the world know how they understood things, nowadays we have so many more ways to understand the world, why not write a new book? (I mean this metaphorically)

Yeah, it’s a scary thing to let go of a lot of your beliefs, and explore a new thing openly, I went through it, but it’s such a more fulfilling life and search. I’m not even saying that a God doesn’t exist, simply saying an unknown exists, and that I plan to explore that unknown to get us closer to figuring out if some of it consists of a god, or if it doesn’t.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes, from one of my favorite books Atlas Shrugged ( I enjoyed the book, but by no means follow all of it’s objectionist propositions.)

By suspending your judgement, you are negating your person. When a man declares: ‘Who am I to know?’ -he is declaring: ‘Who am I to live?’

(quotes are funny right? The author of this book has no more authority on living than I do, yet I find truth in much of what she says and decide to quote her)

Also I am glad we are able to have this discussion in such a respectable fashion and thank you for both your thoughtful responses and tolerance of my persistence.

So far I've got the last word in, but I will continue to add on any further discussion.

Love is all you need.

2010-03-01T18:50:00.000-06:00

So I'm working on this manifesto right? I ramble and rant page after page about what I believe, why I believe it, why I don't believe other things and all that jazz. I get caught up in my ramblings, trying to think up clever allegories and metaphors, and other ways to explain abstract thoughts.

But I forget what's really important.

I look at all the belief systems out there, trying to make the world a better place. They battle and battle over which prophet is tip top, or how God would ideally have them beat their wives. Or the best way to ignore scientific findings. But they often forget what we need too. (this itself was not phrased in the most loving fashion)

Love, man. Love is all you need. Whatever your motivation for loving humanity, as long as it is an all accepting, pure love, is cool with me.

How many people have written this and expressed this over there years? (I am looking for a number here folks) If everything a human does is done with love in mind (there's some famous quote about this) then there is no reason for pretty much every bad thing in the world. I realize this is extremely idealistic, and most likely impossible to live in a world entirely based on loving the fellow man but I think we all need to take steps towards it.

Everybody, try to think about your actions, eliminate fear (past blog reference) and do more things in the name of loving life, your fellow man, and the planet we find ourselves upon. Whether you think you should love people because a god tells you or not, I think we can all agree that love is that answer.

It's hard folks. Try to live just one day where everything is done in the name of love. As for me, other people are going to be like, "why you being so nice man?" and I'm going to be all, "because if I'm nice other people will be nice" and they're going to be like, "cool."

Argue what is right and wrong,stand up for your beliefs, but do it in the name of love and progress of humanity.

To February, the bloggingest month in my career.

2010-03-01T16:44:00.000-06:00

Last month was February. Good for it. I realized that I blogged more in February 2010 than I ever have in any other month, and that 2010 is on it's way to becoming the bloggingest year I've ever had.

New things.
-I seem to have hurt my foot. I don't know how, but it aches slightly and I haven't been able to run. PHOOEY
-I have developed a love of pancakes which I never had before
-The weather has been beautiful and the Cherry Blossoms are a bloomin'
-I want you all to know that Mr. Zurkon does not come in peace.
-I've started writing a manifesto.
-I have made a new rule not to drink with Asian Chicks (foreign born) -sounds racist, but it's never turned out well for me

I had this sweet dream where my friend Neil and I got to eat lunch with Obama, and he liked to dance around, was super chill, and gave Neil and I a gun to protect him, then after lunch (we had burgers) he let Neil and I keep the gun and we were super psyched.

I also had this gnarly dream where I was ultimate post-apocalyptic badass traversing through the yukon wilderness fighting bears and head-hunters on my way to Alaska, which had just had a second gold rush, which left the town like an old west wannabe, but with bears and criminals and wildlife in the town. I made my epic journey, arrived, and traversed around the town all while hiding from the authorities, and sneaking in and out of this dilapidated arctic village. I went into a tobacco store/bar to get a drink and was in line and started talking to this cute girl, she asked if I was getting some cigarettes and I said no I don't smoke, and she said "OH GOOD, that's disgusting" and we flirted, then she left, then I chased her out, and saw that she was smoking and was like YOU LIE then I bummed a cigarette off of her and we arranged a date. I went back to the bar elated, then woke up. COOL.

Liberals and atheists smarter? Intelligent people have values novel in human evolutionary history, study finds

2010-02-25T12:42:00.000-06:00

Liberals and atheists smarter? Intelligent people have values novel in human evolutionary history, study finds

I'd like it if I could look at this and think it proves something I've been thinking for years but I cant help but think it's skewed a little bit.

Global Warming

2010-02-24T13:06:00.000-06:00

Watch this video, it's Bill Nye arguing with a meteorologist about climate change. I love how the meteorologist against climate change is allowed graphics to pop up on screen (some of which dont make sense) and Bill Nye is allowed cardboard slides like a fifth grade book report.

I'm mostly glad that Bill Nye makes the point that I've been thinking for awhile. The world is warming, that's fairly established, whose best interest is in mind by disproving it?

Are global warming skeptics proposing it is not a good thing to limit carbon emissions? Or to do our best to create green energy? I mean whether there is global warming or not, I don't think anyone out there thinks wasteful energy and carbon emissions are a GOOD thing. Do they?

http://www.foxnews.com/search-results/m/29170397/bill-nye-in-no-spin-zone.htm#q=bill+nye

Fear

2010-02-23T18:39:00.000-06:00

I've been watching a lot of things, reading a lot of things, and trying to evaluate my own belief system on the world and here's something I've come to find. Behind a lot of nearly all of the things I disagree with in the world I see fear at it's roots. I see a new bill proposed by Jared Polis to end discrimination based on sexual indentity and orientation. The people oppose it do so because they fear it could open into a gay agenda, or open up the definition to widely. They fear what it can do.

People who are unwilling to look at others' belief systems as an actual possibility of truth, because they fear it will shake their own beliefs, or they fear what it would mean if that other person is truly more right.

People whose reason for wanting less gun control is that they fear that they will have to defend themselves from a government takeover. (I think we should be able to have guns I just disagree with the reasoning)

People who decide to invade other countries because they fear what that country may be planning to do to ours.

Christian Bale said something in an interview with GQ that I think is very admirable. Think what you will about Christian Bale, but I think what he had to say was interesting and very admirable. Here's the question, and his answer taken from the GQ website.

So……outside of your roles, do you have a history of putting yourself in situations where you have to test yourself physically or even court danger?
Definitely. Though the one that stands out to me wasn't physically demanding or dangerous. One of the places where we lived when I was growing up had this big wood out the back. And starting when I was about 8, I used to enjoy just walking alone through the wood late. Eleven p.m. Midnight. Later. Deep into the woods. It was terrifying. And I wasn't allowed to look behind me, no matter what noises I heard. That was the point. That thing. The fear. To go into some deep place, a well of fear, that you've never been to before and that you didn't know the way out of. Not looking behind, not turning around, just going deeper and deeper into those woods. I always enjoyed that.

I think that is extremely admirable. Fear should be eliminated, and the best way to do that is to tread on in the face of it, and to understand it.

If you ever are having a difficult time making a decision, or are questioning an aspect of your life. Look closely to see if it is fear holding you back. Fear should never hold you back.

Daily Show

2010-02-23T17:55:00.000-06:00

I always find myself wanting to post clips from the Daily Show that are completely hilarious, but I realize it is on nearly a daily basis.

So I am simply going to say, that show should be required viewing for anyone with even a mild interest in political goings ons and a sense of humor.

Today's bit about Glenn Beck cursing republicans for tax and spend, and then talking about how he studied at the "free" library is just hilarious.

Take Your Time Coming Home

2010-02-22T13:29:00.000-06:00

Dear Everyone Who Loves Me,
I love you too! I woke up on the right side of the bed today and started the day of with some good tunes to put me in an effusively good mood, one of those moods where you want to be almost aggressively happy. I’ve been out here in Seattle for nearly 2 months now and an honest fear I think everyone has is that when they are away no one will miss them. I have been getting calls from family, and friends throughout the two months who just want to talk, or share their problems, or ask me about mine. I love the text messages I get at 2 in the morning from a drunk friend that says I miss you. I love being able to call up my family and share my experiences and hear about theirs. I love the honest feeling I have of missing people because it all let’s me know that there are a lot of people out there, more than I knew, that love me and that I love back. So if you’re one of those people, and you know who you are, thank you for loving me and missing me, it really helps me re-evaluate my self worth. I love you too, and can’t wait to see you all again.

Also, if you want a slice of my good-vibe pie, I’m more than willing to share it, just let me know and I’ll send a slice your way.

Love, Bryce

Tales

2010-02-21T17:13:00.000-06:00

I went to a party last night in Downtown seattle, they had this sweet rooftop veranda thing you could go out onto, it was super badass. Here's a panorama I took with my sweet sweet iPhone

From Panorama

ON my way there I watched a young hip skater alterna girl all dolled up in black scratch "You are 1 of THEM" on the back of a bus seat. It made me mad. I went into an internal rant about tax dollars and public services and no respect.

The part was ok, then we went back to Seattle University dorms and drank wine. I ate a habanero. It was hot. I also found out that my roommate's girlfriends works at the Seattle University equivalent of Telefund and got super excited. Hopefully I am going to get to hang out there someday and see how they do things.

My roommate and I bussed it back, not arriving til about 4 AM. We got on this one bus and didnt have exact change but the bus driver goes, "just get on the bus, see those two guys there? They have a gun and they deal drugs on the back of the bus, just get on the bus" As we drove off we saw two dudes who had missed the bus at the bus stop. Apparently they are drug dealers, with a gun.

That's all I got for now.

No wait. I watched Glen Beck and CPAC. They are idiots. All of them. They curse democrats for "tax and spend" and all along I thought we were paying taxes, so that the government had money to spend on services...

The best solution, really, is just to murder babies

2010-02-19T14:21:00.000-06:00

-I wrote this last night in a frenzy, posted it, and then reread it. It totally made no sense and sentences didnt even match up, so I took it down and fixed some things. Are all my blogs like that? Maybe I should read through them more often before posting them.

So I’ve got a mind that talks shit to itself. It thinks too much, and occasionally brings up a rather disturbing topic, and then gets itself to thinking that following the rabbit down the rabbit-hole is a good idea, that I should be a brave mind-explorer, and not back down from what could be a good adventure no matter how dark and scary it seem. But then the other part of my mind goes, “Woah now Bryce, that just seems too dark, I am sure you will explore the thought, flesh it out, and in the end only give yourself more reasons to be depressed”
Finally the brave explorer side of my brain chimes in and goes, “ Damnit Bryce, quit being such a pussy” Now, I don’t like it when my own mind calls me out on being a huge bitch, so of course, I chase after that little rabbit of an idea and end up with things like I do now. Damnit.
So to start this off, I smoked cigarettes for a while (sorry mom and dad) but it was a relatively short few months and I no longer do it. It is quite the nasty habit, and I the best option is never starting. I’ll tell you why, but that’s not the main idea of this blog.
So smoking, which I wish I had never started, helped me to understand addiction. I now watch those intervention documentaries, and while I am sure I cannot fathom what an addiction to heroin is like, I at least no longer think to myself, “what pussies, not being able to quit, just stop doing it, it’s as simple as that” An addiction is your body convincing you that you need something, like food or air. It’s introducing a new need to your body that it never had before. Addicts aren’t addicted to the feeling, the buzz of the cigarette of the high of other drugs, they are addicted to something else in there. So now throughout the day addicts not only get hungry, thirsty, or out of breath, they also get the need for a cigarette in the same way. So in many ways quitting smoking is like fasting. It’s hard. You don’t get sick, or headaches, or anything of that sort, there’s just this need in you that nothing else can satisfy. There are substitutes that can distract from parts of it, but that satisfaction is still never met, that itch is never scratched. It also seems a permanent thing. I haven’t smoked in nearly a month, and didn’t smoke for much longer than that, but still, whenever I see someone with a cigarette, or a have a stressful situation I get this need that can only be satisfied with a cigarette. So all starting smoking does, is add another need, it’s making living more difficult. If someone told you, you can either go through living needing food and water, or you can go through needing food, water, heat, 7 hours of sleep and 3 other things. I’d pick just the food and water. Moral of the story: Don’t start smoking.
Anyway, having an addiction to something almost irrefutably unhealthy made me think about what other things in life I have dependcy for and I got to thinking about all those belief systems, those ascetics, that encourage one to strip themselves of their belongings, because in reality I don’t need clothes, I’m just addicted to them. I don’t need fancy food, I’m just addicted to it. I know when I am stressed out sometimes I eat really tasty food, it’s merely satisfying an addiction. So these people shed themselves of everything, they can live without. They even sometimes take it a step further and shed the relationships they treasure, because I’m sure those are just addictions as well. We don’t really need any of those things.
So to take step further I got to thinking that in all reality life could just be the ultimate addiction of our mind. One thing I learned about addiction is that when I was trying to quit smoking my mind would play all sorts of tricks trying to convince me that cigarette smoking was actually a beneficial and good thing. Your addiction tries to convince you first that it’s not there, and then that it is there, but it’s a good thing to have. I don’t kid about this in the slightest bit. I came extremely close to buying another pack on several occasions because of my mind’s tricks. On one occasion I was planning to stay in even though I had been invited to go drinking on the town, but because I was trying to quit my mind convinced me that it should go out, and then while I was out, and slightly intoxicated, it tricked me into bumming a cigarette off of someone. I wasn’t aware that it had gone on until really thinking about it the next day.
So, let’s just say all the things we see in life as good, and the things we enjoy in life are really just our addiction manifesting itself. If life truly is the ultimate addiction of our mind then I am sure the tricks our minds play to convince ourselves that it is actually good are much trickier than a simple nicotine addiction, especially since this has been going on for centuries. Our minds have been stacking bullcrap (thanks Neil) for thousands of years, convincing us that our addiction to life and all this is within it is a good thing.
If you think about one of life’s ultimate addictions, -sex, -procreation it makes one think. The mind is addicted to life, and through that addiction creates more of the substance it is addicted to. Life could really just be the ultimate addict, so convinced that it’s addiction is a positive thing that life of all forms has reproduced and swarmed over the entire planet, feeding it’s addiction. We view life as beautiful and resilient, but if that’s truly just a virus-like addiction, or a devil’s plot convincing us to stay alive by forming an addiction and so convincing us that this life addiction is a positive force in the world, then it seems far more sinister.
If this is truly how things are, the truly cold turkey quitter would off himself on the spot. So in this sense life and death are really battling, death will always get the person in the end, but if the person dies, and always deep down had fond memories of life and all it entailed, death hasn’t truly won. A total win for death is someone entering death completely reviling all that life entails, and 100% believing that death is a better option. A 100% win in this situation cannot happen for life because all people will die. The best life can do is make the win less satisfying for death.
So the thing is that most of these beliefs that propose we strip ourselves of all of our addictions to life propose that we do so because that way we can enter death, with no attachment or addictions to this world, making death win entirely. So if the ultimate goal in this situation, assuming these Ascetics are correct, is to enter death with no attachments to this world, maybe those folks who walk around hating life from day to day will really be the kings of death, far more prepared for it than the rest of us who take enjoyment. The easiest solution seems it would just be to kill every newborn child before it has a chance to open it’s eyes. That way the baby won’t have time to form any attachments or addictions. Actually, to take it a step further, people should not procreate, because even in the womb babies from addictions. The solution really seems to be complete and total genocide of all living species. Nuclear holocaust? Maybe Saturn, Mars, Pluto and all the other lifeless space entities are really far ahead of us in this sense. At least if we eliminate all of life, life and death cannot use us as pawns in this sick battle.
WELL SHIT, but here’s the thing, following all of this. If death is inevitable, and you cannot really die if you have never been alive, both are inevitable, life and death. Maybe it is incorrect to view them as opposing one another, as battling for wins over human souls but as two separate inevitabilities. I will live, and then I will die. I will live my hardest, so that when I die, I will be well trained for the afterlife. Whether or not the training I will receive in life will come in handy at all in the afterlife, chances are it’s better than having no training in any art, coming into death skill-less. Then again, maybe weakness is strength, and ignorance intelligence in death. Death is just bizarro-land and any training we have for life will really just hinder us in death, actually proving to be a practice in weakness.

But then again maybe death is just the end of life and we are silly to think that there has to be something more, I mean we thought it up, right?

Maybe we shouldn’t think too much about it, but then again maybe that’s our addiction telling us that we shouldn’t investigate, because then we would discover the addiction. Heck people thought cigarettes were great, then when we discovered it was bad and addictive we tried to wipe it out.

Idunno man

Seatte is very Horn-ey

2010-02-18T17:54:00.000-06:00

I think in my entire time being alive and living in Iowa I have been honked at while driving possibly twice, and in both occasions the honk served to warn me that soon my car would violently collide with someone else's unless I slammed on the brakes. In my time in Seattle I have been honked at, given sarcastic thumbs-ups, been flipped off and been honked at some more. Now, I'll let you know that if you live in Iowa, and drive to Seattle, you will be in the top 1% driving skill wise. Seattle drivers don't even deserve the title driver. Someone just gave them cars and screamed, "do what you will!"

So this morning I'm driving to work, sun is shining, I'm singing a long to a song about pretty girls by the band fun.. (Do I need the second period?) Nothing seems better, I am in great spirits, and by golly, the band's name is fun.. So as I merge off the highway in an entirely legal and nobody-inconveniencing-in-the-slightest-way sort of way but some guy in a blue car has to slam on his horn, and pass me with a big mocking thumbs up out the window. Sure he feels better for letting out some of his pent up rage, but he has certainly soured my spirits in an unnecessary way. I'm a dweller so now all my thoughts of pleasantries and sunny skies have reverted to hating Seattle once again. YOU KNOW WHAT GUY? Today I refuse to hate you Seattle, you are beautiful today and I intend to enjoy it.

The other day, I am at a stop sign, hoping to cross the road, and see a car coming in the perpendicular road, I have plenty of time so I choose to go, this woman doesn't have to slow down, alter her driving pattern or even sweat it, she is not going to come within 100 yards of hitting me. she honks, loud.

I'm just guessing here, but my assumption is that the manufacturer's intention with the horn is to allow drivers to warn other drivers of impending doom, not to passive aggressively express rage.

Another quick thing. Leash laws. I think they're legit. I know when I'm running, and some bigass dog comes walking by with no owner in sight I think to myself "Oh crap, I'm about to get bit and have to fight off a dog" The owner comes up from behind a few hundred feet back and now my thought is "oh good, at least know when I get bit, he can help me fight the dog off" It's not that big of a deal folks. I've seen it too many times, my neighbors dog was mostly nice, but sometimes something would trigger it and he'd bite. After about 3 times they had to put him down. Easily prevented by keeping the dog on a leash. Just put the dog on a leash, a small sacrifice for a little added safety, no matter how nice your dog is.

Also, I love pastries. Muffins are my favorite, but donuts are right up there, and cake. Top Pot donuts out here in Seattle, you would be the death of me were you not a drive away. Seriously, you bake it, I'll eat it. If there were to be a heaven, it would be me, in a big comfy recliner, just stuffing my face with various pastries, never filling, unless I needed a break, and never getting obese. AHHHHH WHAT A LIFE.

Things

2010-02-16T13:35:00.000-06:00

SO I read an article about the Tea Party today, which if you ask me is getting scarier and scarier (the article) To completely generalize it, but I think accurately, it's a bunch of uneducated ignorant white religious zealots wanting someone to be angry and violent towards. The article is very very biased against the Tea party, doing it's best to point out how ignorant the majority of them are. But still. Tea party is scary, anybody who threatens violent revolution in relatively moderate times is frightening. I mean in times of Hitler murdering thousands of a race, yeah, probably a good idea to rise up. But in terms of a President doing possibly questionable things in order to attempt to help the vast majority of American people in a more transparent way than any president before him? I don't know about that. Moral of the story, Tea Party scary, worried to see how they progress.

Second topic. Wasteful science. So I love when I hear of some break through piece of science that further understands the human genome, or takes a step towards curing a disease, or making a more fuel efficient energy source. I think to myself, AHH what a good day to be a part of humanity. Then sometimes I go on CNN and see a new study that says, "Malaria is probably what killed King Tut, yup, we've spent thousands researching this. We finally know what killed this king thooouuussands of years ago" and I'm like, "God Damnit" Why would anybody spend their time researching that. I mean researching fossils and dinosaurs or human ancestors or the history of the cosmos is one thing, but something as specific, non-relevant and who-caresey as what killed King Tut, Why do people waste the time?

No more topics. Actually quick third topic. I like First Lady Obama's keep kids fit movement, I do not like people who appear on the news criticizing her, claiming she is going to make fat kids feel self conscious, when she has said several times that it's not about body image but health. Dude just wanted to promote his book, what a stooge. Also, I believe, or at least have heard rumblings, that there is a legitimate connection between obesity and poor health. hmmmmmm.

OH SEATTLE

2010-02-15T20:08:00.000-06:00

So I am in the University of Washington's library right now. I feel like an outlaw. Although I was thinking today, it should totally be ok that I'm here. Aren't all centers of research and knowledge allied in the fight for knowledge? I figure as a student of another state university I have the right to use their internet and quiet study areas. Wouldn't it be cool if that was like a real thing? All universities united, students welcome at any of the campuses? Maybe it is? I don't know, but this library and campus sure are more grandiose than the University of Iowa's. I have to say I'm jealous.

How I came to be here is a slightly different story. I been readin' and writin' and trying to get all smart in my time out here so I went out to a a coffee shop to get a cup and some quiet. The first one I went to was called Sureshot: Coffee and Pinball. There is no pinball. It was fairly nice, they played music a little too loud but that didn't bother me too much. I did overhear two people behind me talking about how a female friend of theirs nearly overdosed this weekend because different people kept shooting her up with heroin, so that's...uh...neat. I listened to them for awhile, then occasionally watched this other guy writing on his laptop in front of me, who would occasionally tweak out, and was bobbing his head to a rhythm other than that of the song playing, and then I turned around to see a wiry fellow with thin facial hair just sitting and staring ahead. I went back to my work, turned around about a half hour later and realized this guy was still just sitting there staring ahead. HMMMMM. Quite a bit of character I tell ya. I was done with my brew and needed some grub so I headed out, not exactly sad to be heading towards a new location.

I went and got me a burrito, then walked down towards the water to eat it. There was nothing down there, but the burrito wasn't bad. There were all sorts of people who seemed to not realize that the 90s were over, and that Kurt Cobain is no longer singing with Nirvana, smoking cigarettes and basically darkening good space with their dyed black long hair, beards, and leather jackets. Cool.

I went back to a different coffee house I thought looked nice, and it was. Lots of space indoors and a nice little deck outdoors to read and study on. I got me a coffee, prepared for me by an extremely cute barista. She complimented my drink, then we talked about muffins. OH YEAH! Then I went to sit outside. It was nice...for awhile. The table of young U-Wash students was studying diligently, and I sat reading the Qur'an (yup) until another, just getting off a workout arrived. Then loud talking began. I am not good at zoning out of these things, and tend to listen, I can't help it. It was like an episode of the hills. Who hooked up with who, what they were wearing to the upcoming party, what they thought of this couple, and so on. I didn't appreciate it, but I am sure I'm guilty of doing that with my friends from time to time to, so no big, I just did my best to zone it out. THEN, reminder I am on an outdoor balcony thing, this guy come up across the street, sidles up to the corner with his guitar, and just starts belting out tunes. He's not singing nicely to the passerbys, he he BELTING tunes for the entire downtown area to hear. His tunes were cute, and mostly based around how much Seattle sucks, which I was glad to hear, but MAN he was loud.I couldn't put out him and the others at the same time, I had to go inside, BUT there were no seats inside, SO I decided to go all outlaw to the U-Wash library, which I haven't regretted for a moment.

BUT, I think I am learning something more about Seattle. It is very liberal, very alternative. COOL, good for it. BUT I have been noticing something that may be at the root of the tension I see in every Seattleite. There's this guy belting out tunes in the street, real cute, alternative and fun BUT extremely inconsiderate at all the people outdoors just trying to have nice conversations or read. Yet, the people at the table say things like, "oh how nice" or "I like it" but then go on to insult the person doing it, apparently they know him. Also, I'm at Barnes and Noble the other day, and theres all sorts of people just laying down in the stacks reading books. As you pass by trying to find your book to purchase, they lightly move their feet, but still, they are in a store, lying on the floor, reading a book they haven't bought. Not just one or two either, many many many. People pass them by and look at them like "oh how cute and alternative of them, they're doing something different and unconventional, good for them" This is everywhere. There seems to be a mentality that nonconvention is intrinsically good and shouldn't be interfered with. I think at the heart of these people they are extremely annoyed that everyone has some crazy hairstyle or fashion sense, or lays down in aisles of stores, or belts out songs inconsiderately loud in the streets, or does things in other non-sensical ways. YET, something about them being a Seattleite makes them think, yes this should be cherished and nurtured, different is good. These two things are at tension with one another.

It's like this, (purely hypothetical situation) I walk down the street and see someone with a tattoo saying "praise" on their forehead, they are wearing leopard skin tights, a black leather jacket, a bright red silk shirt and a mohawk.

I walk by them and think to myself, "wow you look like a jackass" but then I remember, hey, he's just expressing himself, I'm sure that ridiculous outfit has a lot to say about who he is and is a very important of defining who he is as a person. Yet, there is still that part of me that's like, "seriously though, you look like a jackass" This creates a tension. If I had to live with that for years and years I think I'd go crazy. I think that's what Seattle's problem is. It prides itself on the alternative, but it secretly burdens them on the inside and they can't exactly place why there is such a pride in it, because they know deep down they want to ask that guy at the corner to just sing a little bit quieter to be considerate of all those around him, but as a "Seattleite" that would be suppressing the alternative.

I'm going to go with my gut on this one and say, yeah there's people who do things differently out there, that's ok with me, but if your idea of being different is "oh I like to fart openly wherever I am, that's just who I am" I am going to tell you not to fart near me. Or if you idea is "to express who I am I like to scream everything I say in a public place" I am probably going to ask you not to scream in a public place. There's different, and then there's stupid. Let's not be stupid people.

Why I have sincere doubts about there being a God

2010-02-08T14:21:00.000-06:00

Recently I have been requested (I think by my mom) to write about the origins of what a lot of my blogs have centered around lately, that being my strong doubts as to the existence of a God.

One thing I want to clarify is that my current disbelief is nothing tragic. It’s not a poor soul who lost his God and is lost in life. It wasn’t as if I witnessed a human die a tragic death and could simply no longer believe. I think it is a wonderful thing. It is my next step in development as a human. I no longer believe something I had to trick myself into believing. I now see what I truly think is the truth, and rather than tricking myself into believing it, I get to gregariously study life in an honest sense to learn more about this truth, and how this truth can help others. It’s no a poor me, lost my God, y’all should be worried about my troubled soul type of thing. More of a, I’d like to share with you what I think the truth is and how it can really help people out.

That said, the first reason I don’t believe is simply because I don’t believe. From the time I was old enough to comprehend the belief in a God on a higher level that Jesus loves me for the bible told me so, I always knew in the back of my head that I didn’t really believe it. In my later high school years I tried to get really into the whole youth Christian thing, going on a mission trip and telling others about my love of Jesus, now I realize, and I realized to some extent while I was doing it, that this was really an overcompensation for the guilt I felt because of my doubts. Whenever I had a doubting thought, or heard some new idea that conflicted with my beliefs, that couldn’t be reconciled with what I thought I should believe I felt guilty. Whenever I had this guilt I would go like a criminal into public service to make up for it. What I realized as I got older is that I wasn’t really committing any crimes. I had nothing to make up for, and should not feel guilty for having evolving beliefs. I realized I didn’t want any part of a system that would cause me guilt for growing as a person. So to summarize, guilt and that whole system aside, I simply didn’t believe in it, couldn’t convince myself to believe it, and realized that if I had to convince myself to believe it when everything else I was starting to believe was contrary, without any substantial evidence for why I should convince myself to believe, WELL, I just don’t see why I’d believe that.

Now, to clarify again, what I am renouncing here is any established religion’s take on a higher power. I am not saying that there are not forces out there that humans do not understand; I am saying that we simply do not understand them, and that I have strong doubts as to whether these not-understood things can be explained by a God. I am also not ruling the idea that a conscious super-human being could play some role on those unexplained things, because to do so would be to rule out a solution without substantial evidence to do so. I simply wish to proceed with my beliefs as a logical thinking scientist would. Example: If I am trying to cure cancer, and there is a bunch of evidence that this new chemical treatment can help, and I also have a colleague that says a voice told him that the cure is in prayer. I am going to give 90% of my energy to researching this chemical treatment and maybe some afterthought to this prayer idea, simply because it makes sense.

All of this really brings me to my second big reason I don’t believe. I simply think it’s a thing of the past. For thousands, possibly millions of years, humans have been attributing anything they cannot explain to some supernatural being.
Thunder in the sky? –Zeus.
No rain for a month? -Gods must be angry
I won a battle? – God’s are smiling upon us
Life seems too complex and beautiful – God must have made it
My friend with cancer got better – must have been all that praying we did
My friend with cancer didn’t get better – God decided it was his time
Humans benefit from being good to one another – Because God says so
Sometimes life is horribly cruel –God works in mysterious ways.

What amazes me is that though we now have explanations for thunder, weather, forces of nature, evolution, the way disease progresses, battle strategy, sociological studies etc. that provide more logical and evidenced reasons for why all of these things happen, we still continue to attribute the things we have yet to explain to a higher being. The number one thing being death; which I won’t cover here. I think those times are simply behind us. Science, logic and research cannot yet fully explain anything, and strictly speaking even if we think we have a complete solution, science always holds that it can be disproven. Yes, it is scary to go into a world without knowing what this world is, but how will we ever discover if we have a belief system that makes us resistant to new discovery?

A metaphor I thought of yesterday (I like metaphors) is this. Say you are going for a trek through some woods; you have to get to the field on the other side. The first man goes in and his guide tells him, these woods are good, there are definitely no bears. The second man goes in and his guide tells him, there are just tons of bears everywhere, and they are super hungry, will probably eat you within a minute. The third man goes in and his guide tells him, hey, these woods are probably good, but it doesn’t hurt to be wary of bears. Whose guide gave them the best advice? Your opinions may differ, but for the purpose of this metaphor I’d say the third man. The first man is going to boldly walk in, and if there are bears, he’s going to never see it coming, bear is going to EFF HIM UP. Second guy is going to go in there all super cautious, take forever getting through those damn woods because he thinks bears are everywhere, if there are bears, he’s probably going to stand a good chance, but it won’t be an enjoyable journey. The third guy is going to walk, with a chip of caution on his shoulder. If there are bears he’ll stand a better chance then guy 1 and if there aren’t he wont be held up and as fearful as guy 2.

Now, I know what you are all thinking. If there aren’t any bears it’s best to be guy 1, he walks through with a blissful mindset and gets to the other side the easiest. He’s got faith and unquestioning “truth” to guide him. I’m sorry but I will always live by the mentality of being cautious, not overly cautious, but not being oblivious to danger. It just makes sense. You tell me right now that if you see a dude walking naked and blindfolded into some woods you’ve heard were bear infested you wouldn’t stop him and tell him he’s being an idiot.

So simply I am tired of progress and human understanding being held up by a belief system that thinks it understands everything already. A world that thinks it has an explanation for everything in the world no longer has a reason to be interested in the world. I am tired of people doing what they have for thousands of years an attributing the unknown to a higher power that is equally unknown. Why can’t we be brave enough to simply say, “Hey, I don’t really know why that thing does what it does, and that’s kind of scary, but damn it if I’m not going to do my best to figure it out”

Isn’t it far more beautiful to think that life spent billions of years coming to be the beautiful thing it is now? Isn’t it more beautiful to believe that a reason we should be good to each other is because being good to each other begets goodness, rather than because a big scary guy says so? How wonderful is it that we now live in a world where not everyone will die from the flu, not because we are performing silly rituals, but because we sought to further understand human physiology and how the flu operates within it? Isn’t it a more beautiful world where we can accept people not despite of our beliefs but because of our beliefs? Where there are no obligations to an unknowable being to like/dislike certain people or things. I now only have myself, my species, my planet, and life-itself to which to answer. No longer do I have to think, would a God approve, but only is this good for me and for life? It’s liberating folks, the outlook is more challenging, but has such brighter prospects.

A final request, if you share these beliefs, don’t be afraid to share them. You have just as much right to let others know what you think the truth is, as they do you. I’m not saying evangelize, but don’t be ashamed of them. I think they are something to be proud of.

I’ll leave this with one of my favorite excerpts from Atlas Shrugged.

By suspending your judgment, you are negating your person. When a man declares: 'Who am I to know?' -he is declaring: 'Who am I to live?'

and a response from Richard Dawkins (who I think is a bit too atheist) when asked "what if you are wrong?"
Dawkins replies -"What if you are?"

This is just the tip of the iceberg folks, I love discussing this stuff, challenge my beliefs, it's the only way they'll grow.

The most pain I have ever been in

2010-02-07T14:09:00.001-06:00

I watched Sarah Palin's address to the Tea Party today. I am going to post both the video and some criticisms, my criticisms wont make sense unless you watch the video, so if you are ready for some brain numbing pain. Watch.

1/2. People paid $500 each to see her? wtf?
1.DO YOU LIKE YOUR FREEDOM AMERICA? - Yes, this is a stupid question, and it's not under threat, so leave it be.

2. Scott Brown was just a guy with a truck... - NO he was an established real estate lawyer who went to Tufts and Boston College. Sounds like he was pretty well established. He also posed nude for cosmo in his 20s, not that I care, it just seems strange that the republican/tea party wouldn't

3. Sarah Palin refers to the economic idea that competition is good for production, getting things done and innovation. Not in politics, this is an economic idea, not a political one. They can't just be applied to whatever you want.

4. She says that the U.S. troops we have overseas now are protecting our constitution from terrorists who hate our consitition. Pretty sure they hate both our involvement over seas and the questionable basis for it, whether it be for oil, or to establish a Christian nation (something Bush may have wanted to do)

5. She says the Obama and Pelosi have blamed the Democratic party for the problems and that Rahm Emmanuel blamed a pollster. That seems blatantly untrue, while the democratic party and a pollster may have been given some blame, I am 100% certain that all the blame has not been placed on them. This is a complicated issue, not one person is to blame. They have blamed the republicans far more often, and this idea of winning for your party in the government rather than compromising for the people.

6. The whole Christmas day terror attack, first off, it was a failed attempt, not because of the governments quick intervention, but because of the help of passengers, still it needs to be truthfully told as an attempt. second, he didn't walk on to the plane with a bomb, he had explosive undergarments that in no way appeared to be a bomb. I would say that nobody could screen for explosive undergarments. ALSO one big thing, that I believe Obama's foreign policy will establish is that even thought we now have bumped up security, maybe people won't want to bomb us anymore.

7.Saying we need to give this terrorist military tribunal type trials is just inhumane. Say we are at war, and an American attempts to run in and throw a grenade into a bunker but is captured. How would we want him to be treated? They may say, "hey, he's a terrorist" but to the american, he was just fighting for what he believed in. I think I'd want the american to be given rights, not tortured and interrogated in reasonable ways. Opening up our interrogations to somewhere outside the field of normal law is dangerous, especially when justified by him being a "terrorist" That is how the bush administration started torturing all sorts of innocent americans and foreigners for being potential "terrorists"

8. She claims we need a Commander in Chief rather than a professor of law. Yet, he party and other conservatives have criticized him for telling the military what to do. HMMMMMMMM pick one here. And I don't know about you, but I'd always prefer to have a law professor to a warlord.

9. Administration cut support for "Democracy programs?" wtf is a democracy program besides a way of generalizing another programs so it sound like when the Gov't cuts support for it they are stopping democracy.

10. Obama talking to hostile nations, how the hell else will we eventually get them to become non-hostile?

11. Iran revolts. Yeah, Obama was kind of a puss there.

12. Democracies don't go to war with each other? I seem to remember a war of a civil nature in which a democracy split and went to war with one another. hmmmmmmm. She talks about how they can talk and settle their differences, why can't a democracy like the U.S. talk to a not-so democracy like Iran, to settle differences?

13. Talking about JFKs quote that all of his problems are not his predecessors fault.
In Obama's case, the destroyed economy, transit from a surplus to an extreme deficit, 2 wars in the middle east, THAT is all his predecessors fault.

14. There's a quote in there somewhere about how America is great because we accept specially challenged children. This is a cheap sympathy card to pull and what kind of country would we be if we didnt? I mean are we just going to throw them in the gutter? What type of inhumane nation would not accept and raise special needs children? Why does she think the US is incredible for this? That's basic humanity.

FINALLY Palin is just a poor speech giver, she talks to the crowd as if they are children who need to be babied, but still sounds incompetent herself.

It frustrates me to my limits to watch these videos and not be able to go on stage and just call her out on all of this. AND that there are people out there who hear this and stand up to cheer.

...thanks?

2010-02-04T13:57:00.000-06:00

So I'm running last night, little cold raindrops falling on me, heart pumping, and I'm taking in the splendor of this lake surrounded by all the lights on the hills of Seattle thinking to myself, "life is pretty cool, I get to have some of it for 100 years or so, and a hell of a lot of development came to make that possible, I'm super glad my existence came to be in a lush planet in a time where my species is evolved enough to comprehend how lucky I am to exist on this lush planet out in the atmosphere and everything was wonderful except one frustration. I don't exactly think there is a God out there, and I'm not frustrated by the fact that all this lushness and wonder is purposeless, but merely that I had no one to thank for the wonder I was taking in, it is just there, creatorless" SO, to who/whatever deserves the most credit for my existence, existence itself, and this wonderful planet... Thanks!

Trust me on this one.

2010-02-04T13:51:00.001-06:00

So I been thinking thinking thinking as usual. Been stuck on this whole God issue for a long time. People need something to have faith in right? Otherwise what's the point right? I mean I am the process of tons of evolutions and am self aware and we are now in dominion of the planet, that's cool and all, but why man? I am going to break down a couple of problems and solutions I see.

One thing, I think dudes in the bible and torah and koran and all that jazz were on to something. They were simply trying to make metaphors and explanations for what they saw as the truth. It's all parables you see, this isn't news, I just think sometimes the readers misinterpret this stuff all the time. First off, I don't think any of it is direct from the mouth of God spoken through a messenger, I think it is merely people who thought a lot, needed some truth to live by and did their best to convey what they saw as the truth. FOR EXAMPLE, let's take a brief look at this Adam and Eve jazz and what I think is going on there.

So God's like, don't eat this fruit, and Eve is like, "but that fruit looks good," and God is all, "naw, I swear it isn't" Eve eats it anyway - OH SHIT. All of a sudden sin enters into the world people put clothes on and the world is never the same, and people spend the next bajillion years trying to set it right again without ever really knowing what the fruit did in the first place. (I feel the need to disclaim profusely to avoid confusion that I don't think this actually happened, that's retarded, I think it is some dude speaking some truth through tales)

So I think the number one thing here is trust. It's not obedience, obedience would suggest that there is a divine power that must be obeyed otherwise punishment will ensue, that eliminates free will and most that we know about the world. I simply cannot believe that we have free will, yet it can be altered at any time by a divine being, a subjective free-will just doesn't make sense to me.

Rather than a God figure saying, "I will punish you for eating this fruit," I think it is more-so a God figure saying, "I've eaten this fruit before, it's not good for you, just trust me on this one" By eating the fruit anyway, at a serpent's suggestions, Eve is introducing doubt and distrust into the world. The serpent is a figure trying to bring doubt, to bring distrust. It's not even so much the idea of distrust either, but more-so the doubt of another's good intentions. Eve doubted that the God figure was fully good intentioned in advising her not to eat the fruit, she assumed he must be hiding something, and in turn found he was honest the whole time, but now had this distrustful seed planted inside her.

Trust is a big thing with me. I think this is at the root of every single problem in existence. We need more trust in this world. Lack of trust is the basis for fear, and the basis for hatred. I want fences and gates to come down, because we trust our neighbor won't do anything that requires a fence. I want a world where I feel free to help out a homeless person because I trust that he isn't a scam artist or that he's just going to go buy booze. I want a world in which I pass a man late at night and don't clench my fist in preparation of a possible attack. I mean think even if you and a team were given an assignment, each assigned a task within it, how nice would it be if I didn't have to stress all week wondering if their parts would come together, if I just had such strong trust in their word that I had no worries. That would be nice right? This can all be achieved through trust in the goodness of humanity and life.

There's a problem though. I think if trust were to be established, every man trusting one another's good intentions and trusting that nobody would exploit the gullibility of humanity, that would be a good world. (I think The Invention of Lying is all about this, I need to see it). The big problem is though, that even though this is good, there seems to need to be some divine benevolent power for it to occur, if we are not putting our trust in him to keep everyone trusting and good-natured, in who are we putting our trust?

Trust in life my friend. Trust in the trust and goodness of others. Here's the thing, people may exploit your trust, people may not deserve your trust but if you continue to trust in the good intentions of others you are always the winner. Now, I'm not saying that if a man walks up to you in the street and offers you a solid gold plane for $100 you should hand it over. I'm just saying if you write something, and somebody criticizes it, trust that they are doing so because they want you to improve, not because they are trying to put you down. Or trust that if someone is giving you advice on life, that they are doing so with your best interest in mind. Trust in the support of others because I think trust grows, if I trust you, and others, and they see this, they will see that there is some goodness and trust in the world, maybe they in turn will trust another. Trust spreads. It may never encompass the whole world, and I may not be able to force anyone to trust me, but I know I can do my best to not add to the distrust.

Honesty people, trust, it's a good thing. I am going to equate it with light. Spread the light people.

(I know this is disjointed, rambling, not fully fleshed out, and idealistic, but you get what I'm saying right?) Trust is good, we need more of it.

Just think if we could trust our politicians, all of them. OHHHHHH MAN. So far I think Obama's got humanity's best interests in mind. Good work dude.

Dear Readers

2010-02-04T13:12:00.000-06:00

I am proud to declare that Bryce is out of his funk. You may have noticed a certain level of humanity hatred and cynicism in the past couple blogs, and for that I apologize. I still think Americans have no balls, but now I don't hate them for it. I get in these funks you see, but I am getting better and better and shaking them off. FRET NOT!

I attribute my new positivity mostly to going for a wonderful run around Green Lake in Seattle and listening to Temper Trap. If you ever get a chance, give it a go, plus two points if there is a light rain.

I just labeled a DVD I burned with a marker that smelled of chocolate, completely unnecessary, but a delightful surprise.

I've also been reading John Mayer quotes all day. This guy has balls. I like him. His music isn't AMAZING but enjoyable, more-so if I realize this ballsey mild douche is singing them. Badass.

MY WISH FOR THE DAY: I wish, that when trolling through cnn/youtube/facebook/etc. comments on news articles, I could click on them. When I clicked that person and I would teleport to a room with two comfy chairs, in this room I could berate them for their idiocy, thank them for their time, and then send them home. GOOGLE, get on this.

And now, for a totally cheerful, hope for the world inspired post.

America has got no balls.

2010-02-03T21:31:00.000-06:00

We don't. We really don't. I watched the Obama address to the GOP on whitehouse.gov today and it seems Obama is doing his best to plant some testicle seeds in America. I am writing this to help fertilize those seeds.

Mostly Americans are just afraid of boldness and change. Obama's address to the GOP was extremely bold, he said exactly what he disagreed with, what he saw that the U.S. needs to do to correct it and was critical of both sides. He basically challenged his opposition to criticize him and answered directly to their criticisms, at times just directly taking the blame. He called for an end to this whole idea of politics for politics sake, even calling out a representative from Texas on this. That's some balls right there.

After I listen to this bold call for unification to defeat the United States' problems I go to CNN.com and see Sarah Palin is calling for a Rahm Emanuel to be fired because he used the word retarded. WHO CARES. Yeah, it's offensive, apologize and move on. Grow some balls. So he used an offensive term, does that mean he is any less qualified to do his job? NO! If everybody was fired for the minorist non-PC slip up we'd have our entire government switching on a weekly basis.

People are up in arms over a recent video today of Mel Gibson calling an interviewer an asshole on TV. GUESS WHAT. The interviewer was an asshole! Good for you Mel for calling him out.

Remember when Joe Wilson shouted "You lie!" Yeah, he thought the President was lying GO JOE WILSON FOR CALLING HIM OUT. Whether or not I think the President was lying I think Joe Wilson has got balls for trying to call him out.

What I am embarrassed about is that government debate sessions were held to decide whether or not to officially reprimand him. Basically saying should we make a check mark on his permanent record. Why does our government waste time on such meaningless things.

We live in a world where people disagree and one where we have the glorious freedom of speech, you're going to be offended by things, DEAL WITH IT.

Let's determine whether or not an offense deserves an apology. First off, whether or not an apology is deserved, there is nothing that can require me to give one.

Let's say a Christian shouts at a Muslim, "Jesus is that way, Mohammed is a false prophet" The Muslim is offended and asks for an apology. I say the Christian was standing up for his beliefs.

Let's say I call my friend a dickbag in the heat of the moment, now, I don't really believe he is a dickbag, I was just mad. He is offended and asks for an apology. I'm going to give it to him.

NOW, let's say a conservative christian out there screams, "go to hell fag" to a gay person, the gay person is offended and asks for an apology. I say if the Christian really believes that gays will burn in a hell, he doesnt need to apologize, he does however need to know that no gay person will take anything he says from that point on seriously.

THE MAIN POINT IS: I am tired of people apologizing for things they have said that were really them just boldly stating their beliefs. If Mel Gibson apologizes for calling a reporter and asshole, then he has one less ball. Grow some balls humanity. In this day and age I am no longer representative of my family, my school, my state, my country, my planet even, I am representative of my species. I am a human and so are you. I am sick and tired of turning on the TV or reading about something in the news and just being ashamed of my species. I hate when I look at a fellow person on the street and want to say, hello fellow human representative but can only exclaim GOD DAMNIT as I see them do something completely pathetic and shameful. The human species has lost it's dignity, and we need to have some balls to get it back. So grow some.

Washington and Seattle

2010-02-02T18:42:00.000-06:00

Dear Washington,
I went for a walk in your nature the other day. You are a wondrous and beautiful state. Your people are extremely kind and down to earth. I only have one question. Why did you allow Seattle to be a part of you?
Love, Bryce

Dear Seattle,
Get out of Washington. Float out to sea. You are a cancer on the state, and a cancer on the state is a cancer on the country. I don't like you.
Sincerely, Bryce

Conserve

2010-02-02T17:49:00.000-06:00

SO, lately, conservative religion has really been frustrating me greatly. I am a firm believer that progressive change is good. It may be difficult, but it is good. Conservatives have tried to give progressive a negative connotation. I have never ever thought that progress could be illustrated as a negative thing. BUT...amazing things are possibly when you're constituency exists on the idea of having unquestioning faith in things.

Some thoughts: I want you to go back in time, and think to yourself about civil rights efforts. Right of women to vote, blacks to vote, getting rid of segregation, freeing slaves. Anything that was done in the past and is today thought of with the mindset, "glad we did that" Think to who the largest opponent of any of these things was. It seems to ALWAYS be a conservative religious group. Even now, there are still groups who don't want evolution taught in schools, won't allow gays to marry, or don't want them to serve in the military. Religious groups. Religion is anti-progress.

I read the blog of a very conservative friend of mine and he makes lists of people to pray for and keep in your hearts. I think this is a solid thing. I think positive energy is good. If I am not well and I know there are tons of people out there thinking of me and hoping for me to get better, I am probably going to feel better faster or at least not feel as bad during the healing process. I think all that is good. What I don't get is when he is asking for prayer for people who are extremely depressed, or financially unstable, or have another problem that would be more adequately solved by something other than prayer. They're depressed? Go talk to them, set up a support group, refer them to therapists. They are financially unstable? Help them find a job, give them a loan, help them fix their finances.

Another thing, this person prays a big thank you whenever something good happens to him. He applied for and was awarded the chance to travel overseas and he thanks God. Whether God had anything to do with it I don't know, but why don't you give yourself some credit. You were able to seek this out, apply, and prove yourself most equipped for the job. YOU did that. YOU. Why don't you thank the people who have shaped you along the way. THEY made YOU into the person who is capable of such things.

Do you think Steve Jobs thanks God every day that he was able to sell millions of iPhones? I bet he thanks himself, his supportive family, and is extremely capable staff for thinking and developing both a wonderful product and marketing plan to make that possible.

My message may be this, I'm not sure, but here goes.

Dear Humanity,
Through fortuitous development of both our own and nature's doing, you have become capable of amazing mind-blowing things. Let's realize this. Let's stop thinking that the fortuitous things in our life are granted by a divine being. We now know that by doing a dance we can't make it rain. So let's stop thinking that by locking ourselves into a doctrine and it's rituals we can bring societal perfection. The religious raindance is a thing of the past. We may be sad to see it go, and the future without that to comfort you may be scary, but let's roll up our sleeves and stroll into the dark. Our achievements will be ours. We will have made things happen the best way for us. We will have engineered our success and continued advances. Let's get brave for once.
Love, Bryce

I read a quote on the 9/12 projects twitter feed the other day that illustrated to be exactly the conservatives wrong way of thinking. IT was something along the lines of 'it takes a strong/brave man to reach an arm into the dark in order to pull him into the light.'

Yeah, maybe, but a smarter man would shine a light into the dark, so the dark isn't so scary anymore. Let's set up a world where there is no dark, and where there is dark there are people working to shine a light on it, so the unknown is understood, because when something is understood it isn't so scary anymore.

ON a further side note.

One thing this blogger wanted people to pray for was a friend who was "misled" into thinking there was a heaven but not hell.

Do people honestly believe that there is a being of the underworld that's sole purpose is to claim damned people and torture them for all eternity? I mean that's just insane. I am not even going to go into the idea that an "omni-benevolent" God could allow the existence of such a place or being because even when I considered myself a Christian I though the idea of Hell was just insulting to the wonderful brain I have developed.

Things that peoples shouldn't do at the gym

2010-01-29T01:15:00.000-06:00

So ever since I came to Seattle I've been a sort of gym rat and certain things at the gym have ticked me off. I write you so that if you do these things, you can stop doing them.

1. Number one pet peeve, right after new years tons and tons of people flock to the gym thinking that this is the year they are going to get into shape. They awkwardly stand around watching other people do an exercise, then immediately jump into the spot when the more fit person leave and fumble around trying to imitate that exercise. These people take up space and make the gym busy for the other people. 1day to 2 weeks later they are gone. Don't even bother people, if you need a holiday to get into shape, it's probably not going to work.

2.Don't fart

3.If you are on one of those reclining cycle machines, or at a casual pace on the stair-step machine and reading a book or talking on a cellphone. If you think that there is an exercise that is going to get you into shape that you can read while doing, you are an idiot.

4.People who don't put the weights back in the designated spot.

5. Grunters, moaners and screamers. We get it, you are lifting a lot of weight. Good for you.

6. Dudes who come to the gym with their buddy and spend more time talking about their last workout than actually working out. "oh last time I did 5 reps at 800 pounds" "yeah, I usually run 10 miles but today is a light day" Nobody is buying it dudes, just workout.

7. People who come to the gym, grab one of the mat and do situps, pushups and other odd floor exercises then leave. Why do you come to the gym, you can easily do that at home, or in a field, or anywhere. I understand it's easier to stay focused in a place other than home, but is it worth a gym membership?

8. Big huge super fat dudes who you never see get on a treadmill but will benchpress for 3 hours straight. You don't need to be able to lift more, you need to run that fat off.

9.Talking in the locker room. I don't like it.

10. Checking yourself out, flexing in the mirror in the gym. I say it's ok in the locker room, but while we can all watch your vanity? At least hide it like a normal person.

11. Really out of shape people who have all the latest in workout fashion, the iPod nano on the neoprene armband with brand new tennis shoes, under armor spandex attire, wrist heartbeat sensors and all. Most people at this gym are in better shape than you, and they wear gymshorts and a ratty t-shirt. (this includes weightlifters using weightlifting gloves for 5 lbs)

12. In the same vein, people who come to the gym in jeans and a silk shirt, inappropriate!

I think that's all I got. I realize this list has been done before but still, I just had to. Also I know, I hate whiners, and here I am whining. But at least I pretend it's under the pretense that I am trying to get people to stop doing these things.

What do you hate that people do at the gym? I wanna know!

Quick updates

2010-01-28T19:27:00.000-06:00

Quick updates on my Seattle life

This is probably the most frequently I have bathed, shaved, exercises, eaten well and all around lived healthily ever. Kinda neat. Mostly the bathing part.

I have tried more food venues.

Top Pot Donuts: MMMMM OMGZ freaking bigass awesome donuts better than you can get in Iowa for certain

Po Dog: I might have mentioned this but I got a hotdog, wrapped in bacon, deep fried on a bun with chili on top. Probably not the best for eating healthily but freaking delicious

Wann: I went out and got Noodle soup with fried shrimp, sashimi, sushi and warm sake with my friend Yuko all of which was super. Drinking warm sake communally could definitely grow on me.

Mia's Cafe: I got a tofu burger there today, I don't believe I have ever had tofu before. It was alright. No taste substitute for beef but it was alright.

Amazing Thai: I got an Amber curry with pork. This curry stuff that is all over out here is really growing on me, this was delicous, just the right amount of spicy.

Honey Hole Sandwiches: Dude, these are freaking good, I've eaten here twice, both times gotten hot sandwiches that rocked my world.

Other than food I still don't like the people much, the city is damn cool though.

Blogs to come:
Things I hate that people do in the gym
why conservative christians frustrate me even more
thoughts on this new supreme court decision
The purpose of blogs and the public forum
American children being stupid

FINALLY

2010-01-17T21:15:00.002-06:00

I have been listening to this band. I like them. I want you to too.

Normal?

2010-01-17T21:05:00.000-06:00

So nothing is normal, nor is anybody. It's a blanket statement and we all know it, but let's think about it (I just realized let's is a contraction for let us...neat)

OK SO we have this idea that there is normality, or that people are to develop a certain way. If you don't develop this way, you are not normal. BUT there really is no such thing as normal. There are just things that we are used to that are not different enough from what we are used to to say they aren't normal.

SO when we are developing and aging our minds try to come to terms with who we are/ what our idea of normal is/ and how we fit into all that. Our brains try to figure themselves out, the brains of others out, and how are brains fit into the community of brains we live in. This is extremely difficult. So I was thinking of things that shaped me the other day and analyzing how they have messed me up. I'm not saying that I am a messed up person. My point in all this is that everyone is a messed up person, since there is no such thing as a normal then we all just have are variances and messed up ness. If you can realize why your brain has been shaped to think the way it does it can be very interesting, and I think, beneficial.

SO HERE WE GO.

Sometimes I have this idea in my head that I'm not a human. I at times have difficulty relating to other people on a more than polite social level. I think most people have this, it's a well known problem of only being able to experience things from your mind, even if I could read another's thoughts, it would still be me perceiving those thoughts. This creates a conundrum. I however sometimes convince myself and get to thinking that I am something other than human. I have written before that I would truly love it if I were some other being than human. An equally sentient being, but one that is not held to human laws, mores, ideals, and subconscious laws. Not above human, or below it, just an other than. Other times I do let my ego take hold of me, that ego is strong in me at times, and it convinces me that I am some sort of other being that is better than people. This is, probably, an unhealthy mentality. But what I realized is that a large part of it comes from the way I was raised. I was always in the ELP advanced learning classes, in which you are taken away from the rest of the student body to learn with your "smarter" peers. Even in elementary I was in these. Teachers also would often assign me different tasks than the other students to get me out of the classroom. My fifth grade teacher would send me to the library to get discs so I could install reading tests on the computer, basically to keep me busy so I wouldn't disturb the class.

My parents are also to blame, being their wonderful encouraging supporting selves. They always told me I could do great things, and made me aware in their own way that they thought I was smart or above the curve so to speak. (Mom and Dad, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I am extremely grateful to have been born to the best parents a person could ask for). Also my peers have been extremely kind in praising me and telling me I am smart. and hell, I am smart. I think I am.

BUT I realize that this has 1. inflated my ego
2. It subconsciously has created this thing in the back of my head that tells me I am an "other" or somehow not subject to the same things other humans are. It sometimes makes really connecting to other people difficult because I feel that they cannot possibly be experiencing life, the world, themselves and society in the same way I am. BECAUSE of course, I am special, as I have been told my whole life.

SO now that I have realized this, and can kind of understand why my mind convinces me of this I can combat it. I can realize, hey, maybe I am special, but everybody is also special, they've got the same tools as I do. They've got to have the same thoughts/experiences that I do. And I need to dig more to find these out, because through doing this, and finding that others are similar to me, I can come back to being human.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not whining. Just declaring personal revelations.
ALSO: I am aware that this is basic psychology and it's not my idea.

Capacity within a Realm

2010-01-17T20:14:00.000-06:00

I was going to write this a while ago, and call it "Capacity within a Realm" now I don't really remember what the realm part is about, but I am still calling it that.

Sometimes I get the blues. Once upon a time while I had the blues I thought to myself that I had the capacity for great darkness and I think this is true. I think that were I to let myself and were I in the correct situations I could be capable of an extremely dark mentality and possible dark actions. (When I say this I don't mean like murdering/torturing people because I'm some sick puppy but I do mean, if it were part of the times participating in some sort of violent revolution, or a movement that treats humans as something less than humans - some shit like that)

When thinking about it on a not so bluesy day (you ever have that? Where you are in a more normal mental state and think, "What the hell was I thinking? How did I even convince myself to get into that thought pattern? Ever have that? I do) ANYWAY, I got to thinking that in reality I've always thought that I just had the capacity for greatness. I know it's a bold statement. But I've always had this thing in the back of my mind (who put it there? More on that later) that says, you can do great things. I'm not saying I will be an olympic athlete or bring world peace or be an academy award winning director, and for the most part I don't want those things. I think that I'm pretty good at thinking, so good that my brain does it when I don't want it to. Not saying I'm a genius, or able to compute amazingly as some savant, but I think my brain is wired in a very specific way that if harnessed can do good things. I think I could have an impact on shaping the mentality of a generation, or possibly putting an end to some mentalities that are no so beneficial. Dave and I have talked about this before, about starting some sort of movement...of sorts. I think it's best we don't do this haphazardly as well, I think I need to take the next years (decade?) figuring it out and then put it in motion.

ANYWAY I think right now I am in a mental state where I need to figure out what it is, and persuade myself further and further away from this "dark path) in order to achieve these things. BUT I do believe that a lot of what will bring good change is showing people that a lot of stuff they may consider part of this "dark path" isn't such a bad or scary thing. Basically opening people's minds to new sides of things. Is it a good thing to convince people that what they thought was bad is good? For example: earlier I wrote about gay marriage, and interracial marriage. I'm sure back in the day people were pretty convinced interracial marriage was a bad thing, someone convinced them it was good and well I'd say that turned out pretty well. SO that's what I intend to do, but now, with what I think needs to change. I'm thinking it has a lot to do with religion. Sorry folks. I kind of want to be the Richard Dawkins of agnosticism. What I can't figure out though, is whether I am a theistic or atheistic agnostic type person? I'd say I'm an agnostic agnostic in that I don't think we can prove there is or isn't a God, but we should still try our best to figure it out, knowing the entire time that we can never be certain.

RAMBLINGS!!!

DONE

What to write what to write

2010-01-17T19:48:00.000-06:00

I haven't been as consistent in my blogging. I've been very busy. Busier than I thought I would be. I've got films to rip and compile, pamphlets to make, programs to deliver, subtitles to type, dvd's to burn, raffle donations to solicit, and sales calls to make. The sales calls are obviously what I am most excited for. The Northwest Film Forum is a non-profit and when they show films it is quite costly, so I have been assigned with researching each film and local businesses that may have an interest in sponsoring that film. I then get to call these businesses and try to get them to give me $500-$1000. I am pretty damn good at things like that. SO I AM PUMPED. I start making calls next week. I want to bring in an astonishing cashload, when I tell the other forum workers the amount I've raised I don't want them to say good job, way to go, or even wow. I want them to to simply exclaim, "...shit" and think I am lying. I will destroy this mission. I am a leviathan of fundraising capabilities. PREPARE TO BE FLABBERGASTED SEATTLE!

So that's work.

Let's talk Seattle shall we? 2 week thoughts. I like the town. It's big but not too big, has an amazing film community, tons of cool venues and beautiful sights. The town looks phenomenal at night with all the hills and lights and Puget Sounds. BUT It rains too much. It really does. I don't know that this could be my permanent home for that reason. When it's not raining it's wet from raining early, or preparing to rain. I don't like that I have to worry about being caught without an umbrella or that I fear pulling any electronics out in fear of them getting wet. POO!

NOW THE PEOPLE. Seattleites kind of suck. Now, to be fair, this is a preliminary assessment as an outsider simply going off the vibes I've gotten so far. My new pal Willie summed it up pretty well when he said there's a politeness but not a kindness. People are polite because they somehow think they are better, and that a better person would be polite. You can sense though that they are judging. Bastards. They all have an image too, I've found it rare that you see someone who is just going to wear jeans and a shirt. It's gotta be some sort of alternative attire. The normal is not present. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing, maybe a little pretentiously self aware, but what it does do is make me feel like people are looking at me in my jeans and plain colored v-neck sweater as some sort of freak. Like I'm some sort of yuppie. THEY'RE THE YUPPIES DAMNIT. I think people in Seattle are extremely proud of themselves for living in Seattle, but wouldn't necessarily have Seattle Pride. It's a quiet pride. A nose in the air pride that includes some pride-loathing, which they are also proud of.

ALSO they are god awful drivers. Just terrible. It might be because Seattle has terribly labeled street signs and god-awful weird routes to get places but the people haven't learned. They stop where there are no stop signs and expect you to do the same. They cut you off, or nearly hit you while you aren't moving, and honk at you for something. Who knows? Very entitled drivers. They are driving the best and you are always driving poorly. But then again, look at what I'm saying. Also, parking sucks. Balls. There's lots of Asians too. and homeless people. and trannies.

HOW ABOUT MY SOCIAL LIFE?
It is beginning to exist. Slowly being born. I would now call myself pals with my basement rommates. The shy one is kind of odd, he stood in my doorway watching me play videogames the other night for like 30 minutes. I felt bad because I don't really have any multiplayer videogames except rock band, which he isn't a fan of. I also went out on the town the other night with a guy who also volunteers at the forum and his girlfriend. We had a great night and it left me in my bed until 4PM today. SUCCESS! I'm also meeting more of the volunteers at the forum. I met a guy who just directed a feature length film and submitted it to tons of festivals, he asked for my youtube account and I gave it to him. Pretty sweet. Also met a big time DJ in the area who was a DJ here when the whole grunge thing was happening, he says he has stories and I am going to try to hear them. Some of the "politeness" at the forum is disintegrating and people are getting cooler to chat with. SO YEAH it's on the up and up, I'm busy/ go to the gym all week, and have found things to do on the weekends. Pretty great.

IN OTHER NEWS
-I am pretty sure I saw my first prostitute. Cool.
-The other day I was in line at the QFC and there were two very flamboyant trannies kissing 2 people ahead of me, and the old woman between me and them looked absolutely furious. She was fuming and shaking her head. It's pretty funny. She'd have a much less stressful life if rather than get her shit in a fit she'd just think, "well look at that, that's neat"
-Tully's Coffee still sucks
-They have a football team here but nobody seems to care
- I learned a lot of LA radio DJs actually work out of Seattle
-Remember the twins a the gym I talked about? I see the skinnier one at the gym a lot more often without her heavier sister
-Is it ok to ask someone to take a picture of them because they look like a friend back home?

The blog to start an epic series of posts

2010-01-14T13:41:00.000-06:00

So I haven't had that much time to write. Been busy with my extremely active social life and cool happenings. Either that or working fulltime and going to the gym 3+ hours a day because I have nothing else to do. SO I've got quite a few things to write about and rather than make them into one huge long blog I will try to break them up for your selective reading pleasure.

First things. THANK YOU so much for all your comments, I really appreciate them and you all have great things to say. When I receive comments I want to write more blogs because I know I'm not just writing to the vacant web. I do wonder sometimes who is leaving me these comments though. Either way they are greatly appreciated.

I will do a quick thing this morning that follows on many of my past themes, has to do with recent life experiences as well as horrors that have occurred in Haiti.

FIRST PAT ROBERTSON - I cannot stand this man. If you don't know what I am referring to read this.
This man has said ridiculous things before but how offensive is this? How can a man blame his God for all the good in his life and for all the bad that happens to other people? Why would someone believe is such a God that they have to feel guilty for all their slight indiscretions, and never feel valuable enough? Also fear of being punished on a daily basis? (not saying all people follow this God the way Pat Robertson does) but mostly I am just astounded that there are still people in the world stupid enough to believe this shit. Where do these people come from? Who teaches them the logic they use to back up their beliefs? Do these people have no integrity or self esteem as a human? IT REALLY GETS ME GOING.

SECOND MORMONS - I was speaking with another intern here from Japan the other night. She told me about how she had seen Mormons in japan and they approached her to try to get her to go to coffee with them to talk about mormonism. She is a buddhist and replied, " I will go to coffee with you if you will spend half of the time letting me tell you about buddhism" (props to her) they declined and went on their way. 2 things about this. 1- She informed me that she perceived them as two, well dressed, cool, brave dudes who would go up and talk to strangers, she thought this was a tactic to get young japanese girls to follow them as the boldness to talk to strangers so profusely may be seen as attractive courageousness 2 - Are these mormons so afraid of even considering another belief system that they would refuse to even listen in return for her listening to them? That's cowardice and closed-mindedness if I've ever seen it.

THIRD ANTI-GAY RIGHTS ACTIVISTS - Dude, I mean come on. WHO argues against rights? As far as I know rights=good (now, I am not claiming the right to murder would be good) but you catch my drift. The thing that frustrates me most about it is it's people with a certain religious belief system that argue against it. It's never, I want to stop gay marriage because it causes global warming. It's always, well in this book that was written thousands of years ago, by multiple people I've never met claiming to received messages from a God that I have no proof exits, says that gays shouldn't be allowed to marry. I don't know about you but I like to follow rules set for me by people who have lived in my time. In my time I have met far too many gay couples who love the hell out of each other to not let them marry. THE ONLY ARGUMENT IS A RELIGOUS ONE. In the United States there is supposedly a separation between Church and State! There are arguments that kids will be confused, or that they won't know what's going on. WHO FUCKING CARES? Do you suppose some kids were confused in the 50s when their black father couldn't marry their white mother? I bet kids were confused when they saw a black guy marrying a white chick too. When I was a kid I was confused when I first stumbled upon a video of people gettin' it on. Childhood is confusing. Let the kids be confused, that's kind of what childhood is about, being confused and figuring things out. I saw another argument that said "it might open up teens to experimentation" OH DEAR LORD. Teens experimenting? They've never done that before! Hopefully they will wear safety goggles! TEENS have been experimenting for centuries, if gay marriage is legalized, now they just won't have to feel as guilty and shameful when they do it. Whenever I see gay marriage turned down somewhere such rage is invoked in me. I'm not even gay just I really really hate stupidity.

OVERALL - I really just dislike anybody who subscribes to a religion that causes them to be blind to other ideas. When a religion claims to be absolute truth it is doing just that, new ideas are bad, ideas that aren't theres are bad. These ideas shouldn't even be pondered because it will be bad for you. Stay safe in your little box of I AM RIGHT AND HAVE NO NEED TO FURTHER LEARN ABOUT LIFE, ONLY HOW RIGHT I AM. To me, as I've stated before, to have the audacity to claim " I AM RIGHT, YOU ARE WRONG" about something you have no possible way of knowing is just sickeningly offensive to me. (just to make it clear, I don't dislike any sort of religion that follows a deity, only when they have the absolutist mentality, if they would just say "I'm pretty sure I'm right, but it wouldn't hurt to consider otherwise" They're fine with me.

Seattle January 10

2010-01-10T19:29:00.000-06:00

I don't know where this one begins or ends as I don't really have one thought but a few ideas and mind burblings to record in my usually rambling form. BOOM ready to rock.

First things. I am realizing why I like the forum and all that it entails to much. I grew up going to church every sunday and wednesday (for youth night) and was fairly well involved in all the activities. While I am now not religious in the sense that the majority of the people in my church are I enjoyed the community. I thought it was an excellent place to grow because not only are you surrounded by people with solid values and varying opinions they also all seem to have a stake in your future. They would encourage success and take interest in what I was doing. It provided me opportunities for leadership and to grow as a person. While for me it may not have been the best place to be questioning my state of spirtuality it certainly gave me a secure place to do so within. Same thing with the children's theater I would volunteer backstage and act in. The people care about one another, have strong beliefs and values and are accepting as a community. I seem to have grown out of both of these things, also moved to another place, but they are things I will always fondly remember and can attribute to much of the making of the person I am now. The forum is, once again, the same way. It's all people with a common interest, some paid, some volunteers, some theater goers who are all part of a community. They may not all socialize outside of the forum but it is certain that they are interested in and invested in the lives of those all around them. It's like church. There is not so much a competitivity but a teamwork mentality and I thoroughly enjoy being a part of it.

I think non-profit might not only be my future, but the a larger part of the future of our country and world. Industry is being automated and people are not needed as much, the service intdustry becomes more automated and unnecessary as well. For me at least the world is becoming easier to enjoy on a smaller budget. Small non-profit communities could be the way to go.

As for life events. Yesterday was good, good and interesting. I went to the gym and all that jazz, bought some groceries and came home to My younger housemate and his girlfriend. I was planning to cook up the salmon I had just purchased and they were planning to cook their Mac'n'Cheese. What transpired is that we three chilled in the kitchen area and chatted. I learned a lot, he's a jr, 19, she's a freshman and of similar age, they go to different schools but in the same general area and they are very nice people. I successfully cooked my Salmon and made a delicous wrap with hummus, sprouts and spinach and went to my room to check on my things. They were kind enough to invite me to a movie, I told them I didn't want to intrude, and they said they were going with other people anyway. SWEET. FRIENDS! Originally I think there were going to be 6-7 of us (possibly some single ladies woop woop) then it turned out to be them and another couple. FIFTH WHEEL. At least a third wheel makes a tricycle, what vehicle has 5 wheels? It turned out to be a nice time though, we saw Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Pretty good flick, very inventive, odd and charming. (SIDE INTERRUPTION NOTE: Seattle people LOVE looking in windows rudely as they pass, just glaring. I witness it both from indoors and out, but they have no shame getting nose close to investigate the indoors) After the flick we just strolled Downtown Seattle, we went to the pier, past many many bums, saw the original Starbuck's (I found out that the Tully's I thought was a competitor is actually a subsidiary as well) But mostly I just socialized with these two younger couples. It made me feel like an old sinner or something. They were so fresh, everything in this city amazed them. The though of pulling on a door and finding it locked, or the fact that I would give bums change and chat with them, or that it was after 9 and we were strolling freely in the streets of a big city just enlivened them. I don't know if it's because I am (very slightly) older or just a different personality. But I am just not amazed to the same extent by all of these things. I think they are cool and interesting and I enjoy my time here but I'm just not knocked on my socks or frightened by any of it as they were. It was a weird feeling. Also I experienced a sort of (maybe I am just imagining this) feeling of "try to be cool for the older person" either that or "try to appear as if I'm not trying to be cool for the older person" Whatever I did I couldnt help but perceive myself through them as the older guy. I HATE when I get the feeling that people are working to impress you or be liked by you for several reasons. 1. Who the hell am I to impress? Why would you worry about impressing ME? and if you're sole interaction with me is trying to impress then who the hell are you? OR what confidence do you have in yourself that you can't just assume that either your SELF will be impressive, or that if I am not impressed, your SELF is just as impressive as it was, just not to me. ANYWAY They kept mentioning that they wished they know of some parties, or wish they had something to do and I kept thinking "well what they hell are we doing, isn't this enjoyable?" It reminded me of my freshman year where a weekend wasnt complete unless I had committed embarassing drunken acts at some faraway party. Maybe I'm just more easily contented now. They told me stories of their times "getting drunk and having someone drive them to walmart" or the time they ate a whole pie. (I don't know why the drunk walmart thing is in quotes) and I was just like God if they only knew the shameful things that I have done. Hence the feeling like a sinner. Also they sort of had an innocence in coupledom in which the fact that they are both relatively new couples and friends (I think) and the structure of the two couples hanging out inhibits both the 4 of them interacting individually but also the two couples interacting as a couple. In reality, I was the only one free to act without consideration of any significant other. Also the innocence of newness of relationships and awkward sexual tension was there. I WITNESSED IT. I am glad to not be a part of that, at least not for awhile.

BUT THIS BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER THOUGHT. Being in a new city is very freeing. Moreso it makes things less risky. If I mess up here I probably just offend some person I don't really know. Back home messing up can ruin my friendships and the friendships of friendships and all sorts of jazz. Here there's not much risk. Aside from the getting mugged.

I'm trying to be as introspective in a self-improvement kind of way as I possibly can in my time here and so far so good. A huge thing I want to work on is my comfortability with being alone. Through my friends that know me best (sometimes ones that surprise you) I have learned that I sort of have this fear of being alone. I operate best within a close male-female relationship. People have pointed out I always have a girlfriend, or a woman of interest or SOMEONE of that nature, and they were right. I have tried out here to enjoy things for myself. Doing things because I actually draw pleasure from them, not because they make others happy. I'm a Libra, supposedly the stars say it's in my nature to try to be the orchestrator of fun for others. That's spot on. I feel like if I am in a situation and it is not fun, or successful, or any one person is not having a good time that it is in some way my fault. I feel I must take it upon myself to fix it. This turns people into relying on me for things I wish they could rely on themselves for. I don't think this is just me either. I think this is a feeling of our times that we feel personally guilty if anything we are involved in isn't a laugh riot or boomin' success. So I've been working on that. It's been going pretty well. I have this person I call my TGF (text GF) that I text all the time, and it helps me feel not alone, but I don't know if it is good for what I am trying to do. A lot of times when I find something that I enjoy, I hear a good song for example, I have to tell someone. I CANNOT keep it to myself as my own little secret fave. I am a sharer, for me if something isn't shared then what the hell is the point. I battle with myself over whether this is a positive thing or a negative one. The negative is when I have something that I experienced and no one to share it with it is immensely painful. ( I would like thoughts on this)

I gotta share, or I'll whither away and die. LETS MOVE ON TO SOME FUN BITS SHALL WE?!

DEEP THOUGHTS/Observances
-when you are texting and want to illustrate that you are shouting, you add more to the end ex. ahhhhhhhhh, pooooooooooo BUT when you want to shout a number it is more difficult EX. 1000000000000000 What number am I shouting?... (1000)
- I was at the gym the other day and saw twins, one was slightly fatter, but they worked out together, do they both have a common model to strive for, or does the fatter one want to look like the skinnier one and the skinnier one like some other girl?
-I saw a man listening to a CD player the other day, get with the times dude.
-In the outdoor shopping mall here they have lots of little bins of umbrellas, that you can use while you are there and return later. OH SEATTLE

-Sometimes the world loses it's mystery for me and I am no longer amazed by things. Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood, other times I need to go out and find something amazing. HMMM

THANK YOUS
Thank you roommate for inviting me out and about, it was a nice time
Thank you Geoff for your Krusty Krab comment, I love it
Thank you TGF for giving me T entertainment

Whenever I write a longer blog I assume nobody reads the whole thing. If you don't mind commenting whether you did or not (be honest) I would appreciate it. (you can comment anonymously)

and yes I truly and deeply appreciate all comments and criticisms. Give em to me!

ALSO just got another idea for a blog. COMING SOON BIATCH

Seattle January 9.

2010-01-09T16:03:00.000-06:00

I am currently in a Tully's coffee, which I think may be the largest Starbuck's competitor here. It is pretty much exactly a Starbuck's but has it beat in one way. It's Wi-Fi is free! (I get Wi-Fi at Starbucks's anyway being an AT&T customer, but whatever). Upon first sip I find that bum bu da bum their coffee is not that great. WOMP WOMP.

Whatever, I feel like some big city urbanite blogging on my mac in a coffee shop while also downloading personal fitness apps on my iPhone. I'm friggin' modern.

Last night was a Friday night to remember, ahhhhh the glory. Actually I went to the gym, for like 2+ hours because, why not? I got nothing else to do. While I was there I was like, I never remember what weight I set it at last time and have no idea if I am progressing or not because of this DUN DUN DA DUN I downloaded an app called iFitness so I can track that shit. We'll see how this goes. I'm hoping to looks like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV by the end of my time here. That's achievable right? When I got back from the gym I was going to grab some food and maybe a beer, thought about seeing if one of my housemates wanted to go. Then again I wasn't to knock on a dude's door to see if he wanted to go on a spontaneous man date. So I walked to the QFC (Quality Food Center) alone. I got me a bigass Tuna Wrap, some hummus (which turned out to be barely hummus at all, fake commercial crap) and pita chips. It was delicious. Later that night my timid 28 year old roommate knocked, I crawled from my bedspace to greet him and he asked whether I was going to be up for awhile because he was just going to put in a movie but wouldn't if I was going to bed because the sound might disturb me. First off, I cannot hear anything that goes on in his room from my room, so what the hell. But anyway it was very considerate, but not so considerate in that, "I want you to feel welcome", as much as it was, considerate in that "If you were to come into my room and ask me to turn my movie down later I would be frightened and then whimper to myself about it later" I may be too cruel in my judgements as I have said before, but I have something in me that wants me to hate people with crippling timidity. If I were cruel I'd toy with him. Tell him that, "No, I wasn't going to bed, but am going to be watching my own movie, and hate when the sounds of other movies interrupt mine, also, that it would be best if he went to bed, as he has to get up early to help me clean my car in the morning"

ANYWAY that was last night. Nothing exciting. (I just took two more sips, still sucks) Today was nice. I woke up, once again did not want to exit my bed, and snoozed several hundred times. I am going to have to remind my friends of the time difference between here and Iowa because I dislike getting loud texts at 8 or 9 AM, either that or I could turn my phone on vibrate. I'll do vibrate. But I had made an appointment at the Apple store to get some problems with my computer fixed. My baby's been claiming in it's menu bar recently that I need to get my battery checked. I was alll, "nawwww," but then I was all, " OH Shit, didn't some people's batteries blow up and stuff?" HMMMMMM also my superdrive hasnt been able to recognize blank discs. SO I take it in and drop it off. The mac store is bustling as always with it's community of young hipsters, middle aged hipsters and young families. I like the young families the most. Watching the moms and pops awkwardly sit on a stuffed orb with their small child playing Lego Batman on the iMacs. It's cute. Especially because the moms, pops and their kids are all dressed in tip top Pacific Northwest Haute fashion. Whatever though. They say they'll fix it in an hour and a half, SWEET, so I go get a coffee (there are 4 starbuck'ses in this outdoor University Village shopping center, 4! not just one across from each other, but one at each corner, there are also other side, non starbuck's, coffee shops) and then I picked up the Golden Compass by Philip Pullman (so far a good read) I picked up the coffee at one starbucks, stopped at the B&N (also containing a Starbucks) and plopped down to read it at the Starbuck's across from where I had bought my coffee. I hoped this Starbuck's wouldnt make me leave due to loitering as I had bought my coffee at the one across the way. I sat, read, watched couples with their dogs (everyone has dogs) and their small kids. I like young families, maybe one day down the road I will play a role in one. Hopefully the role of "young father." A woman with a timid little greyish dog came up and asked me to look after her dog while she got her coffee. I gladly accepted. That's that community trust I am looking for. Apparently it can be found in hip, upper-class shopping centers. That's the place for me. I read for about an hour and a half, then walked back, where my computer was fixed. New Drive, New battery, ALSO I noticed that where there was a slight dent in the side before, it looks like they made some attempts to flatten it. Props Apple crew. Props.

Now I am going to hit up the gym again, using my new iFitness App, then clean out my car, finish getting my room in order, and do a little grocery shopping finally. HUZZAH!

I will write again later about strange observances and such. Also comparing the Forum where I work to both The Children's Theater where I used to volunteer, and to Church, which I used to attend.

Thoughts on Doodlejump and other observations

2010-01-08T16:17:00.000-06:00

DoodleJump is a fun game for the iPhone in which you play the role of a tiny snout-nosed alien hopping endlessly upwards on a series of diminishing and changing platforms all while avoiding aliens and blackholes. It is a fun time-killer and as everything seems to, it makes me think about life. One thing I realized is that there really is not point. You're not saving a princess or defeating an evil force, or even trying to collect a certain number of things, simply trying to rack up a high score and once you've got that high score the only thing to do is to defeat that previous high score. In some ways I think this is a good model for life. I should strive for the highest level of success, whatever that is, and then once I have reached that platform, go at it again and strive for a higher platform. The more often I strive for the highest platform the better I will get at avoiding the obstacles I will face and jumping strategically. It's a way to live life folks. Strive and strive again for that high score.

Another thing is that when you are trying to get a higher score, you are always jumping with a platform in mind. Jumping to a specific platform. If you fail to pick a platform to jump to you will either land back on the one you were at or fall to your death. This is like in life when people just move and move without goals. Move with a mission and you will get that high score.

The final thought I had is, I am pretty sure this character in the game can't look down. This I'm sure could be applied to not looking back in life, but mostly I just think of how frightening it would be to jump up, thinking you are going to land on a platform, except just keep falling. God that would be terrifying

Now onto a random likes and dislikes session.

Likes:
-overhearing one good looking girl talk to another good looking girl about how attractive a third unseen girls ass is
-seeing fully dressed Mannequins being transported on a trolley and freaking out because you are sure they are dead/passed out children
-Tacos Guaymos Carne Asada Burritos with a Tecate

Dislikes:
-Being in a cold room wrapped in blankets fearing getting up to go to the cold shower
-How iPhones don't just return to the article you were reading after responding to a text
-Overhearing horribly awkard and personal conversations when people don't know you are working in the next room
-A Capitol Hill native warning me that I may see gay people holding hands/kissing with the possible mindset that it may frighten my fragile Iowa mind. (we got gay marriage, you don't Washington TAKE THAT)
-When someone on the street asks you for spare change or something and you are willing to give it but honestly don't have any and you feel bad because you had nothing to give them but also because you think that they assume that you are lying.

and here's a big one that's been bugging me lately. This is almost in direct response to another blogger's blogs, and if they read my blog I am sorry if I offend, but would love their response to my frustrations to follow.

People who limit their enjoyment of things by denying the reality that is all around them. This person is a fairly conservative Christian, alternative interests aside. But they have written that they dislike certain films/shows etc because they are about sex or divorce or infidelity. To me this just seems like they are denying that these things exist. I have seen films that are unpleasant to watch, but good films, because they handle something out there that is real and does exist. Sex/Divorce/bad relationships happen in today's world. A LOT. and to not represent that in film and media is to deny it's existence. Media is here to show what goes on in our world and to comment on it how the creator see's fit. I am not going to turn of American History X because I don't like racism or neo-nazism. I am going to watch it and see what it has to say on the subject. Things like this frustrate me. In some ways refusing to watch movies about disturbing and unpleasant but true things is cowardice because you are refusing to face reality. If you do not face reality and see it for what it is, there is no way to change it into something less disturbing, or to learn to accept what you used to believe was disturbing as something else.

Seattle Day 4

2010-01-07T20:47:00.000-06:00

I've had a few days to adjust here and some of the formalities have come down at work. One of the guys here, Adam offered to take me for a beer sometime and I told him I am DOWN.

I also met some of the other volunteers. There's a much more part time intern from Japan? by the name of Yuko, she doesn't speak english all that well but I sense she has a pretty good sense of humor. I am mostly in charge of finding things for her to do when she is in once a week. I am up to the task.

I have also met a young woman by the name of Marcy, we had very little conversation but she seems nice and says she volunteers here for the discounts on the classes, meaning we possibly have similar interests (as I should expect from all volunteers at a Film Forum) and could be best pals.

There is also a dude by the name of Willy James, at least I was told, he and I have had extensive conversation but I have yet to have the audacity to be like, "yo WILLY J!" because I think the name Willy James sounds preposterous. He and I could be good buds however and I enjoy his company when he is around.
I have also met

At work here I have been ripping files from DVD, converting them to DV files, putting them together as a continuous stream in Final Cut Pro, sending them to compressor where I convert them to a DVD compatible file, and then burning them to DVD. Needless to say it takes a loooong time and doesn't require much of me but to click a few buttons and wait. I may begin what may be a faster process of ripping from DVD, converting to DV (possibly direct to the DVD compatible file if I can) then directly to DVD studio pro where I will arrange them as a sequence of movies that play continuously, skipping the step of aligning them in final cut and reconverting them. I hope this works because it will cut my time in half

As for out of work adventures there has been a few.

I got a parking ticket. I was pretty sure the meter said don't worry about it after 6 and it was 6:10 at the time. However, parking tickets here are an astronomical $40 and I will not be doing that again.

I went out to a place called Buckley's in Belltown which is the local Big 10/Iowa bar here to watch the Hawks kick some ass in the Orange Bowl. I arrived alone and struggled up front to order a beer, then picked my spot in a corner awkwardly to watch the game. Not a good time from the get go, but it got better. A young woman by the name of Sam greeted me by basically calling me out on my lame being aloneness and I chatted with her and another lame being aloner by the name of Michael. They were great company throughout the game, we proceeded to get a little tipsy and watch the game in a great environment surrounded by hawk alum and a beer band that played the fight song every time it was deserved. There are videos up on my youtube site (youtube.com/kapatachowa) if you want to check them out. Michael took off and it was left to Sam and I to play trivia BUT WAIT, who is this across the bar. Could it be? IT IS, the sole contact I had coming out here was a friend of my brother's named Jon who tried to help me find a place to live. I said hi, we chatted, he was drunker than I. He derided me for not taking the place he suggested as I would be living with some Sig Eps (woulda been nice) then he called my brother, who was also drunk and they chatted. Also there was one of my brother's friend's Mike, also drunk. Cool guys though, maybe we'll all get drunk sometime in the future. I walked Sam to her busstop, trying to seem as little like a creepy stranger as I could and we parted ways. I walked around for awhile in the city, lights on, nothing open, under the shadow of the Space Needle (what the hell is that thing for?) and then drove home. All in All, damn good night. Life refresshing.

On the interactions with the housemates front, I've been making tiny progress. I purchased a 6 pack at a local brewery to try it out (the Elysian) and let my basement housemates know they were welcome to it if they so choose. The 28 year old Sheet music purchases (while packing his lunch for the next day in a middle school style insulated lunch container) informed me he wasn't much of a beer drinker, preferring wine. I try my best daily and nightly not to judge him to harshly, he's just a gentle spirit. Either that or a huge pussy. The other roommate looked scared that I was talking to him. I hope my roomates don't read this as I am currently probably judging them too harshly and am actually sure they are kind individuals.

I joined a Gym. That's nice. It is small but has all that I need. The guy who signed me up was real casual about it, almost criminally so. I think he's up to something.

ON THE FOOD FRONT:
I have been trying coffees, foods and beers/liquors out here. Here's the updates
Went to a place called Pike St. Fish'n'Chips, got a Cod Sandwich with Slaw and Fries. PHENOMENAL.
Went back there today for $2 Fish Tacos: PHENOMENALLER

Also ate at a local chain -Dick's Burger place. Pretty good. 2.50 burgers. only takes cash. Nothing amazing.

BEER: I tried the ESB from the Elysian Brewery right by my work. At first you're like DAMN this is good, then it gets almost too much. Sweet/syrupy I can't imagine drinking more than one. I also tried the Olympia Hefe-Weizen while getting Fish&Chips. That kind of sucked.

ALSO I have declared my quest to find an awesome local Whisky. My number one prospect is something called Dry Fly, supposedly they serve it at a bar a block away so step one is -try it there. Wish me luck.

DEEP THOUGHTS
-is that guy limping or is he drunk?
-People are generally nice, people aren't as much compatible as nice people just get along with other nice people
- I really hate this whole thing of everyone being suspicious of one another EX. I walked that girl to the bus stop and was so worried she thought I was going to rape her OR I was walking in downtown Seattle and this other girl was walking alone and sped up so I wouldn't be right by her
-I dislike when people have to establish their "higher" status over you EX. dude exclaiming "are you even old enough to drink?" at the bar DOUCHE
-Alterna-kids who think they are clever/smart/idunno EX. the gym I am working out at is on the second floor and has large glass windows by the treadmills. Dumbass alterna-skater thinks it is funny to stare directly at me, making eye contact, for long periods of time and then laugh to his girlfriend. What the hell man?

Complaints about Seattle
-parking is satanic

WHELP I think that covers it folks. I'll get back to you when I've got more to tell.

Seattle Beginnings

2010-01-06T01:34:00.000-06:00

I am working here at the Northwest Film Forum and Children’s Film Festival Seattle for the next 3 months and had my first day of work yesterday. It was good, everyone is exceptionally nice and very polite. I like the nice part but the polite part is going to have to change a bit, I am ready to shake the formalities and be drinking buddies with all my coworkers. Let’s rage. Other than that this is a cool place in a cool neighborhood (Capitol Hill) and I am excited to be involved in the Forum’s endeavors. Right now I am involved in creating the reels that make showing successive films for screenings much easier, it is time consuming, but not hard. So…Job=good. Let’s get on to the neighborhood.
I walked around in the University District of Seattle last night for quite some time, just to get my bearings in this excited new place. There were food shops: Tacos, Seafood,4,899,876 Coffee shops, Smoke Shops, QFC’s, Vegan, Falafel, Burgers, Fish’n’Chips, Sushi, and all that Jazz which I am very excited to sample. I started out my walk lonely, being a new person in an established city. I would walk around and see a variety of types of people. People I am used to, heavy metal dude’s (I actually overheard quoting the lead singer or Slayer), Bro’s at Irish Pubs, and a hell of a lot of scenester/hippie/indie/hipster kids. I usually hate this type, but their females are just so GD cute. Possibly I will have an Avatar style romance in which I infiltrate their masses and win their favor by winning the heart of their indie-princess. We’ll see.
But as I was saying, I started off being lonely, watching all of these people going to bars, or outside smoking, or rolling up to parties, or stumbling drunk home with their friends and I wanted to be a part of it. “OOH OOH, I’m in!” I want to just chime in and join as if it were that easy. I started to get sad. Why the hell can’t I be included in this jovial life you are all leading? I thought to myself, as I passed many houses with the lights on featuring young adults socializing to TV, “wouldn’t it be nice if I could just knock on the door, introduce myself as Bryce, say that I would like to make friends and have them welcome me” Wouldn’t it be nice if people were that trusting and a random lonely stranger showing up at the door wouldn’t be greeted with a call to the police, but rather a, “Hey man, welcome to Seattle, can I show you around? Wanna come party with us? Here’s a beer.” Damn this world where every stranger is perceived as a rapist or drug addict (for the record I am neither)
Then I realized I’m new. I’m the new kid and I don’t have the teacher to introduce me to the class. Maybe I can have the mayor publicly introduce me? I remember I always kind of hated new kids, especially the ones that had frequently been new kids due to moving around a lot. They were always obnoxious and showy, overly energized and somewhat flirtatious. The girls always liked them. I suppose they had to develop a sort of boldness to meet people. They’ve done this new thing before. Well it’s my first time, and this class is pretty GD big. I will do my best to take bold actions to begin my conquering while still attempting to maintain a low obnoxiosity. Also, I hope the girls like me, do Seattle chicks think Iowa dudes are cool; possibly if I let them perceive me as the innocent country boy frightened by pigeons and cocktails?
What I am basically coming to terms with, and feeling like I should have before I left for Seattle, weeks before, is that this is one of those times in my life when I am really going to have to work to actively live to the best of my ability, which honestly isn’t something I have been doing in a while. No lie, I’ve been slacking. I am going to have to leave my room, stop watching downloaded Showtime shows, and walk the streets, eat at new places, approach strange and new people, finally ask one of my housemates to go get a beer with me at that German bar up the street (it’s like an awkward flirting living with people you’ve never met). I am hoping I am up for this because I want adventures. Adventures damnit.
The only way I know to think about life like this is in relation to a movie where similar things happen, which I know is a terrible way to do things. YET, preconceptions are kind of my thing, can’t go into anything without one, and I preconceive my ideal Seattle adventure as that one where the young guy starts hanging out with some people through an odd occurrence where he meets a cute scenester-princess in the grocery store checkout line (she comments on a Twilight magazine and I rip her for it, but it turns out to be a misconception) then this girl and I hang out together, I start to like her, then she introduces me to her friends who vary from hardcore metal-heads smoking dope in creepy basements to ravesters taking E and trying to find secret intense raves. I get caught up in all of this, mostly because I like the girl, (there’s also this really cool guy who takes me under his wing but turns out to be a POS who has a history with my indie-princess and hates me secretly for being the new guy) then realize halfway through that THIS JUST ISN’T ME, but I can’t just leave the scene now, I love these people. I must leave the scene and bring them out with me SAVE THEM. BUT OH NO it’s useless, they are stuck in their ways, and it’s not until I risk my life, nearly dying, to save my indie-princess’s life, that she see’s that she must leave the scene with me, but it’s too late. I must return to my Podunk Iowa town. (apparently Podunk is a proper noun). Also during this time my indie-princess and I get in on like phenoms daily nightly, ever so rightly.
Once again, I’m up for this, I’ve conquered a new city before (that’s right Iowa City, you’re my bitch) Just this time I don’t have an IN, making friends isn’t hard, getting yourself into a social situation where it’s possible to make friends is. Goal number one is to make that happen. Goal number 2 is to find a GD gym in this freaking town that just has weights and treadmills. That’s all I need, no classes, no aromatherapy, no new modern equipment. I need heavy shit, and stuff to run on.

I will be writing frequently to keep my LOYAL FANs updated on how my progress goes.

I tend to think in little metaphors and cheesy phrases that I think I’ve made up, but probably haven’t. Here’s a few from my walk. ( This will become the DEEP THOUGHTS section of my Seattle Blogs)

-“Life is only sad when you’re not a part of it”
-“For Cigarette smokers, realizing your addicted and trying to quit happen in amazingly close proximity to one another.”

FUNNY THINGS I SAW/OVERHEARD
-Hobo talking to himself nearly shouting “are you testing me? ARE YOU TESTING ME” then as soon as I pass saying something like “See, seee I can do it”
-A cat
-overheard “I drink water like it’s going out of style, like water is my thing”
-A dirt path in a park in Seattle, WHY would you have a dirt path, it’s going to be mud 99% of the time, it’s fucking seattle COME ON

Seattle Beginnings

2010-01-05T02:20:00.001-06:00

Logical Frustrations

2009-12-21T23:04:00.002-06:00

I recently read Ray Comfort's introduction to the Origin of Species and came away highly frustrated. There is a certain type of misrepresentation here that I want to clarify. We can use this quote from page 39 as an example, " So if I was an atheist, I would see that I have an intellectual dilemma, If I deny that there is a God, I am saying nothing created everything, and that's a scientific impossibility."

First off, I do not claim atheism as I feel claiming there is certainly NO God is just as bold and unsupported as claiming there certainly IS a God.

Second off, the claim that denying the existence of a god is saying nothing created everything is also misleading in my views. I simply claim to not understand where everything came from, but propose to study and think openly in order to find a solution I can put some faith in. By thinking that it ABSOLUTELY came from a God, or from nothing I am limiting my understanding.

Finally, this idea of a scientific impossibility is one I dislike. It MAY be a scientific impossibility but it also MAY merely be a scientific impossibility within today's scientific understanding. 500 years ago we thought things were made of elements of fire and rock and earth and all that garbage. Our understanding of our own existence is far more complex and getting complexer everyday. Let's keep pushing for that rather than becoming complacent with one view or another.

2009-12-08T04:10:00.002-06:00

I felt a type of loneliness I've never felt tonight. It wasn't a bad thing. I wasn't lonely or so much yearning for company. I was just alone. Entirely alone. I sat on my front porch, looking at the silent street and watching snow lightly falling onto the already coated ground. Some lights were on but most were off. I felt as if I was the only one in the world. Not just that no other people existed, but that no one else had ever existed. As if all the experiences I think I have had were just creations in my own mind to explain the things around me. If no one else exists, why are there cars lining the street? Why am I surrounded by houses? Who planted the trees that so neatly line the walkways? Was someone thinking of us, preparing this world for us only to have me arrive?

I didn't know what to do. Part of me feared moving. If I have this feeling of being the only sentient being, how terrifying it must be to come across another. Part of me wanted to stand up and start walking. Just by stepping off the porch, leaving this place I have known behind maybe I'd find something. But what if I search and search and find more things that need explaining with no one to explain them?

I thought to myself looking at the chair next to me. Who would I like to be sitting in that chair? I haven't met them yet. Who could I sit with in silence, looking at all this around me, and know I wasn't alone? No entity from another realm, they'd just try to explain things, to console me. No family, because family is an extension of myself, we're tied by blood. I want someone tied to me, but by their own doing. Tied to me by a force neither of us can explain, we both just know that I am supposed to be sitting where I am, and they next to me. That's the way it has to be. Does such a person exist? I don't know. What is this person doing right now if they do exist.

We are all alone. It's true. It's not sad or desparate, it's just truth and that's scary. Imagine existing in this world on a silent winter's night with nothing to explain everything that is around you. You have no past, just a conglomeration of memories suggesting a past that may have existed, but as far as you know you just came into existence there, on that porch, in the glow of the streetlight. Born with memories in a body you know. It's frightening but it's how we all are. The time for my exploration is near. My time to step off the porch and go on my hunt for an explanation lingers. I hope to face it bravely, and alone.

12 Minute Blog about God.

2009-11-18T17:18:00.003-06:00

I was thinking about God today, and religion in general, due to a discussion in my class with some rather closed-minded individuals. I think there is a mentality in people these days that we live in some sort of end-time, or more accurately, the end of history. We study history and know/assume so much about it that we forget that we are still actively creating history and 2000 years down the road people will be studying us.

My professor made a simple statement along the lines of " the old myths of Greek God's like Persephone and Demeter" I though to myself, "How would a man living in the Greek world, fully living in the popular beliefs of the time feel if he overheard someone refer to his god as a myth?" I bet he'd be pretty pissed.

I am not a believer in God, or a specific God. I can't profess that there isn't one, but I know nothing of his nature. I think it will be interesting in hundreds or thousands of years when the people, or reigning intelligent beings of that time, refer to this era and say things like "the myth of God, or the Myth of Jesus, or Mohamed" by that time I imagine people will believe something completely different than what we believe now, and will consider our beliefs silly, yet still be caught up in their beliefs not being silly, when even further civilizations will believe the same of them.

I don't think that we ever really get any closer to truth, merely continue to change what truth is.

ON a similar note. My friend pointed out the other night that evolution is still occuring and that humans evolved from what used to be single celled organisms. When you look at life millions of years down the road humans will no longer be humans. Whenever I think of human evolution I just think, "oh, there will be even more intelligent humans" but more than likely humans will diverge as other creatures have and possibly become multiple races of varyingly intelligent/strong individuals. What will humanity have changed into in 100 million years? I'm rooting for wings. I vote humans start living in high places and forming a battle ritual in which the loser falls off said high thing. I imagine after millions and millions of this year people will grow wings out of necessity. Lets do it, if we put our minds to it our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren can have wings.

Glenn Beck

2009-10-22T01:27:00.001-05:00

I really don't like Glenn Beck. I thought this was funny.

Theories of the Universe

2009-10-21T20:06:00.002-05:00

So I think a lot. I think about why people do what they do, why people are what they are, what this place is that people occupy and how it works. I think about the laws of nature sometimes too. There’s this old rule of a battle between entropy and enthalpy, order vs. Chaos. Supposedly the universe has a tendency towards chaos. This makes order seem like it has to be enacted by a conscious force as the universe isn’t going to organize and clean itself. Or is it?

I am proposing a new sort of opposition. An opposition that is combative and supportive of itself. I propose there is a battle between simplification and complications.

What made me think of this is thinking about how a person’s mind works and trying to find a way to apply it to the universe. Here is my thought process.

1. I believe understanding something makes it simpler, or more ordered, if you will. It relieves stress on a mind.

2. To understand something I often have to make new comparisons, add knowledge, or rethink other ideas. Oftentimes understanding something makes it simpler for us, but means we have to look at it at a more complex level.

3. This adds complexity, complexity re-ads the stress understanding created, and further understanding is required to relieve it.

4. In this way understanding(simplification) breeds complexity.

I will apply this to a simple real world application. Back in the day we took Atoms as little balls, but didn’t understand them. To understand them we looked at them closer and found they are made up of smaller parts, we understood the ball, but now we needed to understand the smaller parts. We try to understand the smaller parts and find out they are once again made of still smaller parts. Trying to understand and simplify the atomic balls forced the balls themselves becoming more complex in our minds yet also simpler.

I don’t know if this is applicable to how the universe works or how the mind works to understand the universe or act within it. I would appreciate thoughts on whether my logic is flawed, or how to apply it to other situations.

Language

2009-10-21T20:06:00.001-05:00

Who here has tried to learn a new language at some point? I certainly have and still am attempting to learn German. Over the years I have made progress with it, and am far better than I was freshman year of high school, but mind you this is after about 6 years of study, and I still can hardly say that I am fluent. Why is it that it takes so long to learn? I am sure that fact that I haven’t made it my number one priority, nor my number two for that matter, and that I simply have other things to study hasn’t helped my studies but I think there is something else at the core of it.

I apologize for any blanket statements but children in other countries learn two languages side by side throughout their lives and by the time they graduate normal schooling can speak two or three languages fairly fluently. They have the advantage over the majority of Americans coming late to the game. Learning early is the ticket. I started learning when I was about 15. By that time I have been set in my ways of speaking my own language and learning another is quite a task.

What I realize is that when they teach you another language via high school and the American way they teach you it in relation to English. They relate German participles to American participles, German proper verb conjugation and placement to English verb conjugation and placement and all sorts of sentence structural equivalencies. It stumps me and I learn slowly because honestly I DON’T KNOW WHAT THESE THINGS ARE IN ENGLISH. If I couldn’t’ tell you what the direct object is, or what a dependent clause is in English, how am I going to do so in German? Without a good understanding of how the English system works when broken down it is almost impossible to learn another language on top of that, especially when learning it upon a foundation barely exists.

I don’t believe the public school system proficiently teaches the English language. I also believe that were they to teach English proficiently, students would still not know it as well as they should. I mean what incentive do they have? They can speak English fine, right? It’s not like there’s we’re surrounded by foreign speaking nations( You’ve only got one side Mexico).

Here is what I propose, what I hope to, one day, do with my children, and what many foreign countries have been doing for ages. I propose from the stages of early language development we teach two languages side by side. In this way language would not be learned as English, or German, but as a general language structure. The language structures of the two language would be different, but learning with two structures and how they are different from one another, while containing mostly the same elements, would make the understanding of each deeper.

I love me my metaphors and I equivocate this with learning about each individual lego before putting them together, rather than seeing a complete lego structure, taking it apart and putting it back together again. The first is far easier, and I am sure if I understood the blocks I could build many structures from them.

I would love to see a push for this in education reform, and think that each of us, whether we have children or one day have children, should take the time to teach two languages simultaneously, possibly even speak two in the home. We need to catch up America. No longer are the days we can hide in our happy rich home and ignore the rest of world. We have to start being part of it again. Let’s jump in language first.

I havent posted since July

2009-10-21T20:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I'm coming back.

Questions

2009-07-22T10:14:00.002-05:00

Who? What? When? Where? Why? How?

Which of these questions is the most complex and difficult to answer and what type of people are concerned with which questions?

I would argue that it is a close call, but it is a near tie between Why and How, with Why being the toughest, and that two very distinctly different mindsets are concerned with each.

Why is the only one that in it's asking suggests that there is something other than human reality or perception in it's asking.

I want to know what you guys think the most complicated question is.

Writings to help me understand

2009-07-08T08:56:00.005-05:00

I am taking a film theory class this summer and so far has been blowing my mind. We do these readings that seem fairly straightforward and self explanatory but then when we get to discussion our TA is able to extrapolate so many more legitimate valid points that my sh•t is rocked. Here is a short summary of my very basic understanding and thoughts, which I am mostly putting down to backup my own mind.

The first idea is that cinema was created not for the intention of cinema. Unlike other arts in which technical developments are made in order to further the art itself. (people want to paint more accurately, different brushes are invented). In cinema's case the technology was invented because people wanted to see if they could do it, and also wanted to be able to study motion. Today's movies were not the intended purpose of motion pictures.

Most art is believed to have been derived from religious ritual or spiritual representations. The original cave drawings were there not so the cavemen could enjoy drawing, but so they had images of their believed deities to go to and worship. All sorts of cultures made these things, the Greeks and Romans made marble statues, or made elaborate religion-centered paintings (the Sistine Chapel). A key factor in these objects' significance and spiritual importance is that there is only one of them. If a person wishes to worship to that object they must travel to it. Also, oftentimes, only certain people had access to these objects. Possibly only the high priests could worship and see a particular statue, making the idea of it that much more precious to the people who could not worship at it. All that mattered to them was that this "holy" object existed, even if they couldn't see it it's sole existence made it holy.

The transition from ritual object to piece of art comes with time and ease of reproduction. As new technologies come into existence these religious objects can be extremely accurately recreated in more transportable forms. No longer would people have to go to this object, it could be brought to them, or they may not have to travel as far. The intrinsic holy nature of the reproductions gets less and less with each facsimile and the objects can then be viewed as an artwork rather than a religious monument.

Imagine if you can the idea of a movie being seen as a religious object. With it's viewing would come a religious experience and it would only be shown in one place, possibly only to the highest priests in this religion. People would travel far and wide to worship outside the temple where this movie would be shown. Sound absurd? That's why cinema is different than other artworks. No one ever commissions a filmmaker to make a film for their own personal viewing and no one else's, they are nearly always seen and distributed to thousands if not millions. If then, cinema is different than these other types of art, is it an art?

After the idea of a narrative film is out there with a bevy of silent films being made, the makers of the movies begin to argue for them being an art, and many argued against it every step of the way. Cinema is unlike any other artwork in that, really, there is no original. With painting there is the first one done and then the prints made from that, the original being much more valuable than the prints. In film this doesn't really exist, the original is a conglomeration of negatives all bonded together and is not really valuable in any other sense that more prints can be made from it, it itself is not valued for its viewing, and if it were, does not offer any advantages to the identical prints that are made from it. In this sense cinema wavers somewhere in between art and exhibition.

When one thinks of a piece of filmmaking they must think of it in the time period it was created. I cannot judge a silent film made in 1922 in comparison to Live Free or Die Hard simply because the idea of film in each of those time periods is so different. When silent films were being made, people did not think, "this would be so much better with sound" it was simply viewed as a moving picture and that was enough. The idea that a photograph could be seen in motion was astounding to the first cinema goers. All the cuts, close-ups, and unconventional shots we are used to today seemed odd to the first audiences. An image of a hammer, followed by the image of a nail, followed by the backside view of a nail coming through the wood would not seem as natural to the first movie-goers, they had to be trained on his sort of story telling and it had to be invented by the filmmakers. When sound movies finally came around people actually argued that they were not art, but silent film was. Another example of this is when animation first came around it was considered art, but as soon as there were anthropomorphic non-human characters and human characters, people argued against it as an art.

I like to think that there are two kinds of film makers in this time, and somewhat still today. There are the artisans that wish to perfect a medium, and there are inventors who wish to take the medium to another level. An artisan would be someone like Charlie Chaplin who only desired to make a really good silent film. Other people like Alan Crosland (director of the Jazz Singer) wanted to take the cinema to the next step, talkies. Later people jumped into the realm of color, then abstract, then digital, and now more often 3D. This brings me to the idea we discussed yesterday of total cinema, which I think I will designate an entire post to.

Malice

2009-06-30T19:59:00.002-05:00

I really love the descriptor "malicious" and it's root word "malice. It means exactly what it intends to and so perfectly describes this thing I can not understand. The prefix "mal" basically means bad. and the end of malicious, "ous" means full of. Malicious is just full of bad. Badful, if you will.

To say I can't understand malice is a misstatement, I get how it comes to exist but from my standpoint it's just incomprehensible. Malice comes from many things, one of the most common being the hopes of increasing self confidence or security through acting out against something or someone else. I consider myself a fairly confident, content, and secure individual so malicious acts just never cross my mind. They're unfathomable to me.

The reason I got to thinking about all this is because of an occurrence the other day. A few of my friends and I were walking together at a large public gathering, chit-chatting and minding our own business. I was wearing plaid shorts. A larger man I would guess to be in his late 20's passes me, points at my shorts and exclaims, "wow dude, nice shorts! nobody's gotten a (expletive deleted) in plaid shorts since... since NAM!" and then continues walking.

I was of course left mystified as I had never seen this man in my life and he was now about 20 feet behind me walking as if nothing had happened. What I could not possibly understand is what motivated this person to randomly insult a stranger on such a trivial subject as fashion. What did he hope to gain from insulting a stranger? Did someone bet him $20 he wouldn't do it? Was he honestly concerned about my sex life based on my attire? I can't find a reason that the thought of insulting a random stranger would seem sensical to me. The only thing that results from his actions are bad things. The act was entirely malicious with absolutely no benevolence. I am always mystified by these things.

I know it sounds like what I am basically saying is, "why can't everyone just be nice?" but what I more truthfully intend to say is how can someone perform an action that is entirely malicious? I understand when someone thinks they are doing something for the good of themselves or someone else and make a malicious mistake, or even when someone is greedy and hurts others so that they benefit. In this situation the malice committer really does not benefit, other than that he can talk about it with his peers or feel slightly better about himself. It's all just incomprehensible to me. This has gotten me thinking about a previous post I did about contributing to the world and I think I will revisit that with another post.

I am not looking to answers about why this person did this and I am not trying to reach out to people to say, "just be nice" because (lets be honest) I personally know all of my reader's and none of them suffer from the troubles of maliciousness. This post is basically just a big, WOW, I can't believe people like that exist and maybe a little bit of, "I should examine things I say and do a little closer to eliminate any malice I have in me"

You don't have to be nice people, but don't be actively mean. Seriously.

ALSO

I don't believe anybody wore plaid shorts in Vietnam, I think that joke is from Superbad and was either about Camo shorts or Cargo shorts (both of which would make more sense)
I came up with tons of come-backs about an hour later and was bummed I'm not quicker on the draw
Who still gives/gets (expletive deleted)'s?

The Writer's Dilemma

2009-06-22T10:13:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about writing because I have a story idea that I want to develop. Creatively writing rather than blogging is a newer thing to me, especially in long form and I am thinking about the right ways to approach it.

At least I have the first step in mind, a general story outline. I know the points that I want to touch on and somewhat of an idea what I want the end result to be but that leaves the lines connecting the points undrawn, and I'm pretty sure it's not just like connect the dots. Where do I go from there? I don't know where to approach.

I wrote out a short plot synopsis with important details included but that still doesn't get me started writing the piece (what I want to be a screenplay) as a whole. Where do you begin your attack?

I feel like I can't start with the beginning because I am not sure how I want it to begin and I feel uncomfortable writing some random scene in the middle because that just seems out of place. So if I can't start at the beginning or the middle or the end, where is my jumping off point?

AND another thing, this whole writing something that others will read and possibly eventually see is to me a practice in temporarily inflating one's ego. I have an ego, but it is based on very little and seems to only be able to go down from here. To write something with the presumption that other people will find what you have to say interesting is bold and I don't know that I am that bold.

If any of you are curious my approach to developing this story/characters is going to be writing a series of short stories about specific characters until I feel comfortable taking it a step further. Writing is work and I am not used to working. I am slowly realizing that the writing process involves a bit more than just sitting at a coffee shop and typing away and that I am in for a long process.

I am open to any advice, but just thought I'd express what I am thinking about this thing that I plan on doing.

To My Health

2009-06-19T10:53:00.003-05:00

Today I was walking outside, feeling very tired because I stayed up too late last night and felt kind of bummed, like "why am I never 100%?"

Then I got to thinking about how whenever I am sick I think of how I never seem to just have a period where nothing is wrong, either I am sick, or just had a bummer of an event happent, or have a bad pimple, or something of that sort.

On this day however I realized I was rocking around a 90%. I just stayed up too late otherwise absolutely nothing is wrong with me, I am in prime health. This made me feel good that during one of these long periods of good health and no problems I was able to realize that I was in said period of time and could therefore appreciate it.

From now on I plan to check my daily percentage to just kind of see how I am. I imagine I will find more often than not that I am doing much better than I think I am.

Mother Country

2009-06-12T12:37:00.002-05:00

I read an article today about the probable switch to allowing the FDA to regulate tobacco and got to thinking about one thing that frustrates me about this country. The USA has a bad habit of regulating things or enforcing laws that restrict human freedom to harm themselves.

Good example: Seat belt laws. I should have the right to value my comfort over my personal safety. If I am going to injure somebody else via flying through a windshield then, ok, fine me for not wearing a seatbelt. But if the only person I can hurt is myself; why is there a reason to make it illegal?

On to cigarettes. Cigarettes are horrid for your health, yet on occasion I have smoked one or two, well aware of the consequences and willing to pollute my health for that momentary pleasure. I agree they shouldn't be advertised on media outlets frequented by younger individuals and that we should have education programs to let students know the risks of smoking but all I think we need is the warning that they are harmful.

If there is a sign that says "This sign is very hot, and very likely will burn you" and I read that and still want to touch it then that's my own dumb fault. The USA doesnt need a police officer in front of that sign who will arrest me if I want to burn myself on it.

On to drugs. If there were a drug that would cause me to often make stupid violent decisions, damage public property or possibly not be able to operate a motor vehicle yet restrict my ability to judge whether I should (...alcohol). That drug should be heavily regulated if misused. As for other drugs, the illegal ones, if the only thing they do is make the user feel good for awhile with the possible consequence of addicting him and making him dependant, the user should be able to use them, as long as he is aware of all the risks beforehand.

Alcohol: dangerous to self and those around self + addictive= LEGAL
illegal drugs: dangerous to self ( not others) + addictive= ILLEGAL

hmmm...

I was just reading today how it is easier for young people to get marijuana than alcohol because alcohol is regulated by the gov't and I thought to myself, that is really quite true. Drugs should be legalized and regulated and taxed like alcohol. We could use the billions of dollars made from taxing drugs to further educate people on why they are dangerous, or possibly to treat stupid people who become addicted. WIN WIN WIN

Basically I am just tired of the USA not giving its citizens enough credit to take care of themselves. We dont need laws that force us to wear seabelts, or bike helmets, or force us to not drink bleach. We just need warning labels that explain the risks.

It's like a child who wants to make his own decisions but his mother won't let him in fear he'll make the wrong ones. The child is either never going to learn or going to make the wrong decisions on purpose to spite the mother.

Comments on Comments

2009-06-09T15:08:00.002-05:00

"What is that saying-- if you want to protect families, outlaw divorce instead of gay adoption? Having worked in the psych dept for almost 2 years, I've had to read some downright disturbing and heartbreaking stuff about what parents do to their kids. I can't recall any of these cases being of kids with two moms or two dads (not that gay parents automatically rocket you into being a super-kid) but the people who claim to be so concerned with the well-being of today's children need to look at how much divorce messes up kids, or how drug addicted parents are allowed to pop out boatloads of children before someone (if anyone) ever intervenes."

I will comment on this comment from a friend of mine:
I agree. A bad parent is going to be a bad parent whether they or gay or straight. In the 30 days video there is a young woman who tells the story of growing up with a gay father and the things that ruin her. She tells of how there would be graphic discussions of sex in front of her as a child and how her father would take her to sex shops. To me this sounds like her dad was just a bad parent, it's not as if because he was gay he couldn't help but to expose his daughter to things at a young age she shouldn't be exposed to it's more like because he was just a bad bad father.

also a later comment from the same person

"I was definitely that person who was like "Go gay people! I'll just be hanging out with my straight rights over here, but good luck!" I suppose I'll join you as well :)"

and my comments:
YAY!

GLBT Adoption

2009-06-09T13:39:00.003-05:00

One of the short documentaries I watched that I watched that really got me both thinking and frustrated is an episode of Morgan Spurlock's 30 Days in which a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saint's member goes to live with a gay couple raising four children (embedded after the article)

One of the most striking things about it is that while the woman (Katy) claims that she is willing to accept belief systems other than her own, she would still vote against this couple's right to adopt children. In my mind, if you would vote to eliminate the rights of another belief system, you are not accepting them.

I am not a member of the Mormon Church, and I believe that some of their teachings are incorrect. If a proposition were to arise from an Anti-Mormon group that proposes that Mormons should not be allowed to adopt children would she see the hypocrisy in her statements? Would that proposition not seem preposterous?

To take that a step further, it is extremely difficult to make the argument that a person was "born a Mormon" and they had no choice in their beliefs. Whereas it is very difficult to make the argument that a gay person was NOT born gay. I feel like it is more logical that a person can be denied rights because of a choice rather than for something that is inherit in them.

My biggest point is that it would seem preposterous for a GLBT group to try to remove a Christian's rights to adopt, or a Mormon's or anybody else's, yet it is acceptable for Christians, Mormons and other groups to propose to remove the same rights for a GLBT couple. It is hard for me to comprehend how anyone could vote against there being MORE rights in the world, yet time and time again movements are made to vote a group's rights away. A journalist, I cannot remember who, made the comment that the passing of Proposition 8 in California is the first time in United States history that a civil right has been voted away by majority vote.

I do believe in the rights of a GLBT couple to adopt. I don't believe the teachings of the majority of religious groups, and if I had it my way I wouldn't have children brought up under the schools of some of these groups, BUT I am not going to fight against these groups right to have a family. All I ask is that they do the same for GLBT families.

Comments on the Video:

I think one of Katy's biggest hurdles to overcome in this video is to go into this type of situation trying to explore her and others' beliefs rather than going through it as a test to whether or not she can stick to her beliefs.
In many of the situations in which Katy feels her beliefs are being attacked, I do not think they are, and I do not think she realized that by her standards she is attacking their beliefs just as much.
I think a big breakthrough will be when religious groups realize that GLBT communities are not trying to attack others' religious beliefs but merely trying to defend their own.

A Post About Gay Stuff

2009-06-09T13:18:00.002-05:00

I have recently had a series of thought provoking conversations, thinking sessions, and short documentary viewings that have changed my mindset about something.

My former mentality was something along the lines of, " I believe in GLBT rights, marriage and adoption, but as a straight man, don't really think it is my fight to fight."

My realization, largely aided by a good gay friend of mine, is that for GLBT rights to be recognized by people outside the GLBT community, those people have to see people within their community fighting for it as well.

We live in such retrospective times in such a retro-romantic nation that often our current situation is not taken as seriously. We look back at the 60's and think, "if only today were as radical as then," or look at great changers like MLK Jr. and think, "if only people like him existed today." I watched a show about an extremist spy infiltrating the U.S. Military last night and thought about how amazing that was, and then realized, "you know, I am sure that exact same thing is going on now but just hasn't been uncovered yet." Our problem is we cannot realize the magnitude of events until they are fully played out and can look back on them. I don't want to look back on these today, and then 10 years from now realize that I was not part of the biggest Equal Rights movement of our time.

So here's what I think now. If I had been alive during the bulk of the Women's Suffrage movement would I have marched with them? Would I have stood up when Black people were doing the bulk of their fighting for equal rights? Hell yes I would. Would I have thought to myself in the 1800s, "Well I don't agree with slavery, but since I am not a slave it's not my place to fight for them." Hell no.

GLBT people around the US and world are not given equal rights to straight people, and as a straight man I will not stand for that. This is my declaration of allegiance in the GLBT rights movement and belief in constructive, productive and non-hateful activism. It is also my invitation for other straight people not aiding the movement to join me.

Movie Review - Terminator Salvation

2009-06-01T14:24:00.002-05:00

Terminator Salvation did one thing that not all movies can do that I really appreciate. It sparked immediate discussion between me and my fellow viewer as we walked to our car. Sadly it was discussion of our frustrations with the film. If I could remove myself from the canon of the previous films and watch TS as a stand alone action film I think I would enjoy it, but I love the series and as a part of canon it fails.

Warning: Minor Spoilers

The plot is just, just not thought out. You can tell it was patched together haphazardly to get it out on time. There's this mysterious man who was a prisoner in the past who appears in the future, but if you've seen the first 5 minutes it is basically spelled out exactly for you what he is and what role he will play. Foreshadowing=good, Eliminating any mystery=bad. Later unlikable characters make stupid decisions and then randomly have to blow up this skynet place. Why, nobody is really sure, but they make it sound like a big deal. They all receive orders from Michael Ironside who's just an overdone stereotype hard hitting leader that belongs in a Command and Conquer videogame. He hangs out in a ridiculous submarine base that John Conner can infiltrate just by diving from a helicopter. Kyle Reese basically just hangs around so people can ask him who he is and he can say "I'm Kyle Reese." Later we find out that ever member of the resistance has a loyal following to John Conner. This isn't really developed, it is just created at the end to provide an inspiring moment. They eventually go into the strangely unguarded Terminator base stupid things happen that shouldn't have been able to happen if the fictional world had been created with any sort of eye for detail. Big things happen and then at the wrap up it is explained that the big things didnt really matter at all. GREAT.

Basically this is just not what I wanted Terminator Salvation to be. I wanted a war of the future. I wanted the glimpses of the future you got in Terminator and Terminator 2. Laser beams and bodies flying and all out warfare on the battlefront. What we get instead is a resistance that I believe would be quashed within minutes in a desert base surrounded by landmines that only spring up when it is beneficial for the plot, All led by a 1980's joke character and followed up by characters that make irrational decisions based around John Conner, who isn't really that likeable of a character. Also the plot is just stupid.

Go see it if you must see the next piece in the series even if it will dissapoint you, or if you have never seen any of the others and want to see robots and explosions. I do warn you canon-ites though, you will be dissapointed.

Frustrations SPOILERS

1. Marcus has a robo skeleton, meaning he should weight like 800 pounds, yet he swims and young women drag him about.
2. On the motobike that John Conner hijacks I believe he uses a USB drive, that's just stupid
3. If this skynet place they blow up at the end is so important, why are they buckling down for more battles? Basically the reason they blow up this place at the end is not at all explained
4. The Blair Williams character breaks Marcus out knowing he is a robot. How stupid are you? Robots want to kill humans, he is a robot, therefore he is somehow working to kill you. DUH.
5.Their base is in a submarine
6. The humans could not believable have survived as long as they have. These robots would totally have killed them by now
7. The Arnold scene is just stupid and unecessary
8. When they blow up the base at the end using the batteries in the robots you have to think, would these robots really just leave a bunch of highly explosive batteries chilling on a table?
9. The mine in the minefield conveniently sticks to Marcus, yet later it seems fine to drive trucks around on it.
10. John Conner is way too pissed off, surly and stupid.
11. I rooted for the Robots. Honestly.
12. Helena Bonham Carter plays this like "brain of the terminators" character and she is just so unnecessary. The terminators are machines, they should just get sent commands from a faceless computer. They don't need a face, and certainly not Helena Bonham Carter's (though I like her)
13. In the scene where Marcus has carried out his purpose, Helena Bonham Carter explains everything to him, causing him to rebel. I would imagine she could just NOT do that and reprogram him so he is none the wiser. The explanation serves no purpose but to get him to rebel and actually help the resistance cause.
14. When he does decide to rebel he conveniently knows exactly what thing to rip out of his head.
15. In the terminator base, there are like 3 terminators. It's a freaking factory! It should be crawling with robotic beasts of destruction to annihilate John Conner. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT!

Frustration

2009-05-29T13:24:00.003-05:00

I am frustrated with the way things work in the world. Or at least my world. Frustration is a reaction to something you cannot immediately change but think should be changed.

Example: The other day my former roommate and I went to our landlord's office in order to remove my name from the lease and add the incoming roommate. The process involved 3 people signing a pre-existing document, and then putting it back in the filing cabinet. Simple enough. However, the rental company wished to charge us a $100 "subleasing fee." I cannot figure out how to justify such a gross charge for such a simple task other than complete and and utter greed.

Lets figure it this way. Say the woman working behind the desk is paid 20 dollars an hour. The process of us coming in and signing these papers took about 10 minutes, at this rate and time it cost the company about $3 to pay the woman for her labor. I also imagine the company like to make profit, so I could understand maybe charging us an extra $10, maybe even rounding it to a total of $15, but $100? How in any way is that justified? It's greed, straight up greed, and they can get away with it because they own half of the rental property in the city, and we have no other choice.

This is frustrating. See what I mean? It shouldn't work that way, but it does, and there's nothing I can do about it. Frustrating.
(Luckily my former roommate is an extremely kind individual and it covering the costs)

I can however, already sense an opposing argument arising. We live in a capitalist country. The company has the right to charge whatever they want for any service, and if they can get people to pay their price, more power to them. Right?

No, I disagree. When I think of a business being successful I do not think of how much money they have. I do not believe a business should strive to have the largest profits as possible but to create the best product possible while still making a profit, and then, with that profit turning it back around to innovate and improve their product, or possibly create an entirely new product. The idea of business is not to accumulate funds but to successfully provide products that aid human life. It is to succeed in a venture, succeed further in it, and then choose another venture to succeed in. That is a business. Greed is Bad. Read Atlas Shrugged or something.

Breaking New Ground

2009-04-15T09:20:00.002-05:00

This is an idea that was inspired in my by an Ithaca film professor's guest lecture here at the University of Iowa about the future of Documentary film. It touches on something I had been thinking about ever since viewing a large amount of short documentaries while helping program a local film festival.

The thought started as we watched a film that was completely fictionalized, it was supposedly a day of an odd character, filmed and editted by the character himself. First, it was that Napoleon Dynamite, I'm really unnaturally awkard, pastel color kind of humor which I am not a fan of in the first place. Second it was completely fictionalized, there was nothing true about it. I happen to think that no matter how well thought out a character may be, if they are not a real person then it is fiction. The biggest factor qualifying a dodumentary as a documentary to me is that it is Non-fictitious. Even if it has an interpretive take on non-fictitious subject it can be a documentary, but if the source material is not real, then it is not documenting anything, it is a mockumentary, or simply a comedy. The other classmates and instructor were quick to defend it as a documentary, on what basis I am not sure of. I am fine if they say its on the cutting edge of film, but not documentary.

The lecture was from a woman who worked as an archivist and put together abstract video pieces that she referred to as eye refreshers. I like these kind of things, it's like a screensaver set to music, there's no narrative just interesting images that are enjoyable to watch. I am down with these type of things, as long as they are honest about what they are. She then went on to talk about how through her work she has come to have a D-WO attitude, meaning "do it with others" she preached the values of making films a highly collaborative effort. I am all for a collaboration, but she preached it as less of, lets put all our ideas together, and more, lets throw all of our ideas in a pot, mix them up indiscriminately and put the brown result on screen. I don't want to sound like a some paranoid conservative, but is sounded quite socialist.

She proposed that the future of documentary lie in projects such as one in which people RFID tagged hundreds of cockroaches and released them in a walmart, screwing with all of Walmart's scanners, or one in which the Walmart machines were hacked the barcodes were changed so that when they were scanned the display would say "You're feeding the monster that destroys our economy" instead of "pizza."

This to me is in no way documentary. For one, nothing is documented. Second, this is just a prank that really inconveniences people at Walmart. It has very little redeeming quality besides making a slight statement. It is a statement that for the most part be regarded negatively by everyone except for those who were already in support. I saw that and thought, interesting statement, I wish they had just proposed the idea of it and the expected results, they didn't have to actually go out, be total jerks and actually do it.

I think people feel more validated if they can think that what they do is on the edge of documentary filmmaking , it's forging new frontiers in an aging field. There is no filmmaking, or documenting involved. People shouldn't be ashamed to say, well this isnt documentary, it's an entirely new thing, because thats exactly what it is. If I invented the automobile, I wouldn't claim that I was on the cutting edge of walking, because I am not walking, I am doing an entirely different thing, Maybe the cutting edge of transportation, but certainly not walking.

Moral of the Story: I really don't like Hippies.

Human Nature

2009-03-04T21:01:00.002-06:00

The other day, in my Quest class once again, we were discussing the story of Adam and Eve. Some students proposed that it was a story of humans losing their innocence and bringing sin into the world. Some said that humans are naturally bad and have to work to be good while animals are naturally good, but none of the arguments seemed to nip it for me. I got myself to thinking. The heart of the matter seems to be that it is illustrating the difference between humans and animals. The snake doesn't seem to have a choice in the story, he simply plays a role. His role is to be the temptations. The human does have a choice. They can choose to either take the fruit or leave it. I think the largest difference here is that humans have choice while animals don't. Each animal is intrinsically good, or mean, or aggressive, or reclusive. Humans are not intrinsically anything. Anybody with me on this? Arguments for or against? Is what makes humans human having choice and the responsibility for our actions that result therefrom it?

2009-02-28T11:41:00.002-06:00

The Catcher in the Rye

2009-02-24T21:16:00.002-06:00

We were talking about this book, in Quest again, and I really don't like the character of Holden Caulfield. I did, on a better note, get some thoughts in my dome about this catcher in the rye idea.

If you are unfamiliar with the book, the main character, Holden, wants to be a catcher in a field of rye that prevents children from running off a cliff that mainly represents the problems, choices and difficulties of adulthood.

I began to think of it in different ways.

1. If the kids run to Holden, does he give them the choice of either continuing to be children and playing in the field without worry, or going off the ledge, OR does he just stop them without telling them what he is stopping them from.

2. If he doesn't tell the kids why he is stopping them I think it could have a variety of results.
a. The kids could rebel as kids do an be like, "shutup I wanna know" and then run off the cliff more eagerly.
b. The kids could go back to childhood, but always know that there is something else out there and wonder about it.
c. The kids could become scared of what Holden was protecting them from and fear it in all aspects of their life, in turn transforming Holden to God-like status as he is the protector against the unknown.

3. I began to think of similar metaphors for growing up.
a. It is like your parents and elders are spending your time in childhood arming you and padding you so that when you accidentally fly off the cliff, each branch on the way down doesn't hurt so bad.
b. It is less like a cliff and more like a slope of varying degree with surprise obstacles along the way. The people who survive best were able to dodge the obstacles or fight them. Either way, whether you hit every obstacle on the way down or dodge them all, you get to the end.

Either way Holden Caulfield is a bitch who just needs to realize that he isn't special and start dealing with problems rather than whining about them.

Side Note: I think it is interesting how a fictional person can get me so riled up.

My ranking system

2009-02-24T20:49:00.002-06:00

One quick thing before I begin my post. I think it would be funny to constantly have a visual diagram of all my friends rankings in the form of a chart on my wall at all times. I would keep them informed at all times of their relative ranking and try to make it such a sought after honor that people would start playing into my game.

Now the real deal, in my Quest discussion (once again) we were asked to evaluate how we know our values were authentic. Basically how do you know if what you think being a good person is really right. I was all up on that, you see I have my ranking system. I know how I view people and the categories to put them in. There are 5, two negative, one neutral and two positive.

To preface I view the world as a battle between chaos and order, or problems and solutions if you will for the purpose of my ranking system.

At the center is the "Non-Contributor" this is a person who in their daily life don't't really cause any problems, they may recycle inconsistently, be involved in an argument from time to time, but mostly they just exist, they neither contribute positively nor negatively to the world. They can be represented mathematically as a 0.

On the negative side have our first step which is the anti-contributor. This person has an active negative effect on the world. They don't recycle ever or even care for it's causes. They may still harbor prejudice towards one group. They often start conflicts, and arguments. They don't seek to destroy solutions, but they make them much more difficult to happen. It's not so much an evil as a selfish taking in of the world. Rather than replace a lightbulb, they will call the lightbulb company and bitch about how it is out. They can be mathematically represented as a negative 1.

On the Positive side our first step is the problem stopper. This person recycles but doesn't develop new ways to recycle. They clean up their floor, but don't design new methods of organization. They may also encourage others to recycle. In the long run they may have a positive effect on the chaos of the world. During their lifetimes their "space" in the area of life is occupied by order, and there may be a short continuance of this order through others after their life ends. They contribute during their lifetime but nothing more. Mathematically they are a 1.

On the far end of Positive we have what I call a solver. This is the person who invents, solves, and sees problems for just what they are. This is the person who rather than sit there and not be racist himself goes out and fights racism. Or the person who is like, "these candles are a rather dangerous form of lighting this room" then goes out and invents a light bulb. They take a permanent bite out of chaos. Instead of fighting that part of chaos back their entire life, they kill it so nobody ever has to worry about it again, permanently winning a battle for the side of order. Mathematically they are a 2.

FINALLY, the -2 is basically the opposite of a 2, a "Trouble-Maker." They actively seek to put problems into the world, they create non-issues and get thousands to argue over them. They scare people into thinking there are weapons in the next room and convince everyone to kill everyone in that room. They scare people into thinking if they are bad the floor will start on fire and make people chase false pursuits instead of being solvers. They are bad. While "Solvers" may be permanently taking chaos away, these people are adding new bits in that never used to exist.

Makes sense eh? I want to be a person who contributes something to the world that permanently eliminates a part of it. I want to be a 2, or the very first 3. That'd be pimp tight.

Minor Wish

2009-02-24T20:44:00.002-06:00

I was sitting in my Quest for Human Destiny discussion today and the TA misspelled constitutes on the board. Misspellings and the like bug me when written out publicly and it was itching my innards. I wanted to call out and tell her of her mistake but did not want to embarrass her. My minor wish I had is that I could be an entity that wanders the earth secretly and corrects minor errors and prevents embarrassments. No one would ever know I was there, only I would know about the embarrassing thing, and I would prevent that person from emotional trauma. You misspell a word on the board? I secretly slip in there and add the missing letter so nobody is the wiser. You walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your shoe? I remove it just before you exit so nobody knows it ever happened. You're 12 and pee your pants on the bus? I provide a huge distraction outside one of the windows that draws all the kids attention and magically drop a new clean pair of identical pants on your lap.

I wish I could be that person, saving people from minor embarassments.

God

2009-02-20T01:03:00.002-06:00

Tonight I had a moment where I talked to God, or at least talked at him. I only go to God when I am feeling really desperate for somebody and feel like I need help, but that's not the point and I won't trouble you with that. I realized that I felt ashamed before him, because I never go to him or think of him unless it is at a time when I am feeling lowly and need him. I feel as I don't deserve his help at those times. As I talked to God aloud I wanted to promise him that I would change that, that I would come to him more often to share joys and thanks, and appreciations and minor thoughts but I could not say it. I could not lie to God, because I knew I would not keep the promise to make God a larger part of my life. What I did realize is that at times, when I have really been liking a girl, or when I have been talking to my parents I could make that change for them. For a girl I was falling for or for someone I truly cared for I can make the promise to change. I can change for love in a way. I feel that in essence God is love. I cannot lie to someone I love. I don't know where I am going with this but I just wonder. Is God to be loved, is he supposed to do all the loving and be all forgiving, or is he just all forgiving if you love him? If that's the case I need to work on my love of God.

I don't usually write about God, but his essence used to be very important to me, and I think about what he is a lot.

Two Ponderances

2009-02-18T22:16:00.002-06:00

I ponder two things tonight.

1. Which is preferable, a quick tremendous pain or a long dull one? I would much rather have a quick sharp pain than one that eats at you a long time and I think this goes for more than just physical pain. I'd rip a band-aid off instead of pulling it slowly, I'd rather have someone tell me harshly how they felt then let me wonder for weeks. Which type of person are you?
( I realized this tonight when I absolutely could not stand an earache I had at the library while trying to study. My twinges of terribly sore throat all day didn't bother me that much but this earache that wouldn't go away and caused me to not to be able to think drove me over the edge. I got so unreasonably mad.)

On another note I don't know that I could live with any sort of disability. Even when my hearing is partially impaired it drives me bonkers, who knows what would happen if my legs didn't work)

2. I got a great quote from my roommate today and it made me think about things. He said this to me as I was trying to cure my earache with an herbal treatment I read about online. He said, "Why can't you suffer like a normal person." Just think about that. Let it resonate. It can take you in so many ways. Is it humanity to suffer? Are human's not meant to suffer but have convinced themselves otherwise? Relate it to biblical ideas and see where that takes you. Jesus died to end suffering, is this what make him not human, that he takes on all the suffering? Or does it make him the example of a human because he suffered? What does suffering say about humanity?

My biggest thought is, I wish I had replied, "because suffering is not humanity's way"

Props to Math

2009-02-18T17:45:00.002-06:00

Today I was sitting in my stats class, bored out of my gourd, when I really started to think about Math. Math is like the first computer, math books the first app store, and mathematicians the first software developers. It's very simple, and I've realized it before but today, I garnered a new appreciation for it. You have a problem and it can be solved. If I give you the equation to solve it you now have the tools (or applications) necessary to solve it. With the correct knowledge of equations you will have the tools to solve any equation. Learning a new bit of math is like going to Menards and buying a new wrench, you now have a new tool at your disposal but it's free. There are even equations that are better than others. If you have poor math skills it will take you a long time to solve a problem, but with more tools, and better equations at your disposal, you can solve the same problem faster and possibly more accuarately. Just like if you are poor you buy a shitty wrench, but if you are rich you get the wrechomatic electric wrench that can unwrench 30 bolts in a second. Pretty cool stuff. Props to any mathematicians out there, you are like the carpenters of the mind. The original problem solvers.

Updates

2009-02-10T13:30:00.003-06:00

1. I did not meet my goal of posting more than the same month of the previous year for January. I will do my best this month.

2. It is a beautiful day outside and I have realized everything, and everyone look better in beautiful sunlight. ( If someone would paint me a picture of St. Mary's church on Jefferson St. from the perspective of the bench across the street on a sunny day I would pay large sums of money)

3. Getting up early in the morning and exercising makes me feel great. While I was exercising I was thinking about relationships and my parents. I have come to the conclusion that one of the most important responsibilities of a father is to love his wife openly, let the children see how much he loves her, especially if he has sons. I believe that I have a good pretense for a relationship because of my parents' example. I think everybody has their example couple that they look to and think, "that's what I want." While some people have to look to a celebrity couple, or the neighbors, or the Huxtables, I was lucky to have a perfect example of a loving couple right in my home that I could look up to.

4. You should all let your parents know that you love them, use Valentines day as an opportunity.

Gripe Gripe Gripe

2009-01-21T19:01:00.002-06:00

Here's what really gets my jaw clenched and the rage building up. I am a person who exercises regularly. I have a gym membership and it is justified, I go often enough. The gym I go is used mostly by college students. It's never that busy, its twenty four hours and I pretty much like it. But tonight I go, and its FULL. SO FULL. There aren't any machines or benches or anything open, each one has two guys alternating at it and there is just no way to get work done. I get frustrated because the time I spent to get ready and walk there was just completely wasted. My day's plans revolving around that are now completely F'ed and I have to go later at 1 AM and well I'm just ticked. What is the most frustrating thing about it though is that 90% of these people are foreign invaders. No not the commies. They are just people I have NEVER seen at the gym before, and I go regularly enough to recognize most faces. My thoughts go, "hmm when was the last time this happened?" LAST TIME AFTER A BREAK. People who think they are going to get into super shape over the new year or after a lazy break are so frustrating. ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! If you don't have the gumption to make yourself start doing something good for yourself without some sort of special occasion or holiday then you don't have the gumption to stick with it. STUPID PEOPLE ARE RUINING THE GYM FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BENEFIT FROM IT!

anyway. That's my gripe. Always the self analyst I look at the type of things that get me ticked off like this, which isn't many, and what they have in common. I am never pissed off at the world or how the world works, or an accident that happens, or a stupid mess I get myself into I am only pissed off at stupid frustrating people. I love the world, just lots of the times, the people in it suck. Don't suck. Live realistically. If you do suck, realize you suck, and try to suck less, or just seclude yourself so your sucking doesn't affect the rest of us (those who don't suck).

Speaking of, I might start a suck-rehab. If you currently suck and are tired of it, want to stop sucking, send me an email. We can help.

Inaugurations and Dreams

2009-01-20T15:14:00.002-06:00

I was lucky enough to get to see some of our new president's inauguration today and am glad I did. I had kind of forgetting it was going on but by chance a discussion was cancelled and I ended up in Java Juice watching it with a crowd of what I can only assume are other Obama supporters. There was a record turnout of people, possibly over 2 million and it was something I think I will remember and tell my children about one day. It got me thinking about a few things though.

1. Even though Bush did some terrible things I can't help but feel sorry for the guy because everyone knows how hard it is to fail, and he failed very hard on the most public spotlight in a position where he is judged more harshly than anywhere else. That has to be pretty tough and I hope he enjoys his time off.

2. First ladies have a tough job as well and are probably some of the best wives in the world. I've always though of how hard it would be if my future wife was hugely successful and in order to help her succeed I had to put my life on hold. While first wives have lots of opportunities to work for their cause I think it would be terribly difficult to have your mutual life with someone so focused on the other person.

On another note I had this dream last night in which I was still on winter break with about 2 weeks left and I was at home with my parents feeling so frustrated with where I was and everything going on around me. Dream me packed up, got online, and bought plane tickets to Scotland to leave that night. In the dream I was adamant about leaving that night, I had to go NOW. I told my parents, paid for my tickets ( which were strangely only 9 dollars) and got ready to leave. I remember being really scared to be doing something so drastic and to be all alone in Europe but also really excited. I don't know what that is all about but I think it mirrors some things in my mind/ lots of people my age's mind.

1. I am always frustrated with the here and now and want to move on to the there and later.
2. My parents in the dream were fully supportive and they really have been lately, I have been really thankful that I have the parents I do.
3. I yearn for some sort of time where I can be in total isolation in a foreign land to meditate on myself a sort of life quest if you will.

and that is all.

Happy New Year!!

2009-01-02T19:15:00.003-06:00

First post in a long time, and first one of 2009!! I don't usually set New Years Resolutions but I am going to set a small one this year. My resolution is to post at least twice more per month than I did in that same month in 2008. I also have a bit of a changed mindset. I was all about coming to conclusions before, giving advise and thinking I had everything figured out but I've had a bit of a metamorphosis. I no longer think I know everything or have the authority to press my mindset off as truth. When you think you have the world figured out you might as well walk into the woods and die, because nothing is interesting anymore. I want my blog to be more exploratory, putting down thoughts, questions, ponderings, and the occasional conclusion. I am removing some of my rules. I may just post things I find interesting. I may post book reviews. Rules are off. I also want to start writing down and "permanentizing" my current life philosophy. I want to outline it, break it down and start to declare it. I find that if I declare a way of living or mindset I can no longer deny it. It has been declared and I cant go back, it will make me stick to my principles. I like that.

I may post again later tonight so keep your eyes peeled, but you can deal with this post for now.

Some Answers

2008-12-07T23:45:00.002-06:00

I posed some of my questions to my astronomy professor and here are his responses.

1. If the universe is eternally expanding, is it possible to be completely motionless?

Motionlessness is just as relative as motion is. One object can neither be motionless nor have an absolute velocity-- motion is a relationship between at least two objects. In relativity, anyway-- who knows how that view might change. So the expansion of the universe is a statement about the increasing distances of things that are very far from us-- but something very nearby could have no motion relative to us. However, complete motionlessness is an impossible limit-- at some level there would always have to be some motion, but we might not be able to detect it with a particular instrument.

2. If I could accelerate the earth until the entire thing was moving at the speed of light would time stop on the earth? Would people on earth age or be able to procreate? Would mechanical objects such as watches stop? Would people not age but still die because they wouldn't be able to digest/cook food/ have natural body processes?

No, there is no speed, relative to something else, that would make Earth's time appear to stop-- because we would always think it was the other thing whose time had stopped. They would think our time stopped, but we wouldn't think that. However, all the other things that were moving at the speed of light, which in your situation would be the whole rest of the universe, would be so length contracted in the direction of the motion that the whole universe would seem to be right at our doorstep and it would have to be infinite for us to not run into the end of it very quickly. Basically, it is an impossible scenario to be moving at the speed of light, for anything but light.

3.If everything is accelerating away from everything else at increasing speeds could it be visually represented as dots (representing objects in space planets etc.) inside of bubbles and the bubbles continually get larger pressing every surrounding bubble away from them and being pressed away as well?

Yes, bubbles or balloons are a commonly used analogy. They work for a two-dimensional universe that closes back on itself, but ours has three spatial dimensions and probably does not close back on itself, so the analogy can't be taken too seriously, but it's not too bad.

I am on a Roll

2008-12-05T16:23:00.002-06:00

I keep thinking of things and it feels good. I emailed one of my professors about some of my questions. BUT my latest thoughts are about the expansion of the universe.

Every galaxy in the universe is getting further away from overy other galaxy in the universe. Research suggests it is doing this at an increasing speed. Here's the way I visualize it. Imagine Dots (each representing a galaxy) around each dot is a sphere or bubble, the bubbles are increasing in size, pushing every other bubble away but also getting pushed by every bubble, meaning they are all distancing themselves from every other one. Say every bubble grows at the rate of doubling in size every hour. If it starts with a diameter of 2inches, in an hour it will have a diameter of 4 inches, and in two 8 inches. Basically each bubble would grow exponentially and that would cause acceleration. If the universe's expansion is accelerating this must mean there is a constant energy source causing this. I have Three theories.

1. There could be an outside force at some far distanced "border" to the universe pulling all objects equally.
-This seems hard to believe because the way I understand most forces the act more forcefully on objects closer to them (just thinking of gravity here) so things further from the border wouldnt be accelerating as fast as one's on the border.

2. The universe is finite, and is contained in something that is being depressurized. Ever seen a marshmallow in a vacuum chamber? it expands. Think of the universe as that marshmallow in a vacuum chamber.
-This one needs more thought

3.There is as scientists say some dark energy throughout that propels the expansion. Either this is an infinite source of energy, or it is finite and eventually the expansion will stop, the moving objects having taken all the energy from the dark matter.
-Random thought, what if the universe would expand til all matter was gone, then because so much energy had absorbed some how start over. A cyclical universe?

Motion

2008-12-05T15:55:00.002-06:00

So i kept thinking after writing that last one. We looked into what could possibly happen if you went as fast as you can. But what if you remain completely motionless? Is it possible to be completely motionless. I don't mean just lying on the ground not moving. I mean relative to everything else, completely motionless. I am not moving on the earth, the earth is moving so I am moving. I go into space and don't move in space but space is ever expanding, I am still moving. Is there a way for everything to movie in relation to me but I am motionless? Would I technically be the center of the universe then? What would happen to me?

I looked into this a bit. According to big bang, there was nothing, and the space began uniformly expanding, meaning there is no center and everything is accelerating away from everything else at increasing speed, and not just objects, but the imperceivable space itself. Meaning basically our bubble is getting bigger and the contents inside are getting less dense.

Here's the website I am getting my info from http://cnx.org/content/m13580/latest/

look into it, interesting shit.

I just got this idea about the expansion of the universe that I need to draw to illustrate correctly.

Planck Time

2008-12-05T15:43:00.000-06:00

A wikipedia article relating to smallest divisible amount of time

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planck_time

Return

2008-12-05T15:18:00.002-06:00

So this is my return to blogging. I have been absent I know.

so...science has been blowing my mind lately. So far my classes have no enthralled me, only introduced me to topics that spark an interest. The only time I get really into things and really learn from classes is when I go out on my own time and research that spark.

In my astronomy class we talked about the speed of light. I have looked into this only lightly and only have a rudimentary understanding so PLEASE correct me if I am wrong or provide any insight you may have.

Ok so something traveling at the speed of light is strictly traveling through space and not through time at all. MEANING all light around is is everpresent in every moment that it exists. The light can look at everything around it as if it is a three dimensional photograph so to speak. COOL.

Nothing can go faster than the speed of light. Example: Driver A drives towards driver B at 70 mph, driver B goes the same speed toward driver A. They both appear to be going faster in reference to the other since they are traveling towards one another. BUT if both A and B are going towards each other at the speed of light they both appear to be going the speed of light, rather than faster because THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE.

Say I can travel at the speed of light around the world. Time would stop for me but I wouldn't be able to chill in it and wander around as if in a photograph because I am going the speed of light. It'd be like sonic the hedgehog trying running around in a photo. If I am in a spaceship, and the spaceship is going at the speed of light I am free to roam around in the spaceship while time has stopped. so the spaceship would be cruising super fast but I would not be moving through time. What this brings me to is that if we could accelerate the earth to the speed of light, time would stop on the earth. Pretty neat.

Now to connect the two ideas. If nothing can go faster than the speed of light, or at least conceived to be going faster than the speed of light. Then what if, strictly theoretical. There is a second realm or tandem universe. This tandem universe, in its entirety, is moving faster than the speed of light. Is there a possibility the tandem universe could be active within our own, but not able to be perceived, and how would that universe move through time? Could it move freely through time since it is going faster than the speed of light? Or would it cease to move through both time and space? I have no idea, but this type of thinking is really getting me going. Please provide thoughts, other circumstances and corrections.

another thing I thought about. If nothing can go faster than the speed of light and the speed of light is approx. 299 792 458 m / s then wouldnt the shortest division of time possible be 1/299792458 seconds? That is the shortest amount of time that can exist? Is that the framerate of the universe or the exact time measurement of a moment?

fun stuff

Intense

2008-11-18T02:25:00.001-06:00

I just watched the movie Gone Baby Gone. I fell asleep during a part of it but I got the main points. I liked it a lot. It forced me to take sides. I was on the female character’s side. That’s one thing that really pisses me off about today’s people. People have to be accepting of everything, or at least open to it. I want to modify that rule. People should consider every new option, but pick a side. This doesn’t mean you have to deny the other person the right to have their side or fight to eliminate all opposing sides. Just that people can man up and pick a side. People are so scared to be caught wrong, or to offend some other person that they cant commit to anything and it frustrates the hell out of me. Make bold statements. Take a side. Don’t be afraid to tell people you disagree with them and why you do. I am tired of this politeness in conversation when someone brings up something wholly offensive and the other person just sits and gets offended or says something to the meager affect of “you may be offending some here.” Strong willed people with convictions, principles and futures are going to offend people from time to time. Jesus pissed a lot of people off, so did Hitler, so did Roosevelt, so has Ghandi I am sure. They didn’t piss people off because they are going out there and trying to rile people up or grind their gears, they just weren’t afraid to fight for and lead for what they believe in. They have gone down as historic figures whether they be the villain or the hero. I’d rather be a villain than that confused man standing in the crowd not sure where to go before he gets pounced upon by a lion. I think I like extremes, I like bold things. The music that most pleases me is music that I think sounds fatal. A song that sounds like it could kill you if listened to wrong, or if you weren’t prepared for it. I like that much passion in anything I absorb. I don’t want to read a book where the stakes are, is Johnny going to break up with me, I want to read a book where it’s did Johnny murder my mother, and if he did what am I going to do about that? The stakes are high. People don’t realize that stakes are high in this world. Donald Trump didn’t get to where he is by playing it easy and slow as if losing the race just meant you won 50 dollars instead of 75. Revolutions are never succeeded in on the basis of, “if we lose, oh well, there’s always tomorrow.” People that change the world and make a big impact realize the stakes are big. Life is big. You have one. It’s a harsh thing. Live it harshly, intensely. Harsh does not just mean bad, eliminate the connotations and dig to the root. I like the word intense. It’s focused energy. Energy with intent. Steven Henning wants to be intense and I understand why. You can’t just be intense though because of that one specification. What is your intent? Where is your energy focused. My girlfriend told me she likes me because I am interesting the other day and I thought, “that is simply not true.” This has been told me to for, sometimes in other variants such as odd, weird, freaky, sociopathic or cold. I think I am interesting because I am intense. My focus is me. I live my life intensely focused on me. Every moment I am in my head running analyses, projecting images, making decisions, playing out the what if’s, and planning my words. I am intensely focused on myself. Narcissism but without the pride. Somehow I think people can sense this and they want to figure it out. Maybe I am interesting. If my mind has turned it’s focus almost entirely on itself, there must be something there to find. Or maybe that’s just me tricking myself. Who knows. All I know that is tonight I want to be the berserker on the field taking off heads with the long hard swings of his battle axe. He may go down sooner than all the others but he knew his purpose the entire time was to kill, not to survive and you can bet he killed more than the soldiers who made it out that day. I just realized something important when I considered posting this online. Posting this online would be bold, it could make people argue with me and react negatively. It could lose me friends or gain me associations I don’t like. I like the idea of risk and bold moves and high stakes, but don’t always like participating in them myself. Inner insight.

Negativity

2008-11-14T14:56:00.003-06:00

Who else is getting a little down about the state of affairs in the United States? I am super excited for Obama, don't get me wrong, but I honestly feel we have another depression on our hands. All I see in the news is how bad our economy is, how much the DOW jones is dropping, what companies are going to go bankrupt, how everyone is buying guns. It is extremely hard to be optimistic about the future of the united states. I can honestly say the only light I see in our future is Barack Obama and while he may be extremely capable and motivated to change the U.S. I just don't know if he can do it. Definitely not in 4 years. Then again the idea of economic collapse kind of thrills me. It means people can get away with more. Deterioration of laws and a return to a different kind of society. I honestly think it could be good for the united states. Unification through common struggle. I want this to happen.

One of my favorite books of all time is Atlas Shrugged and this situation in some ways reminds me of that books. Basically the public/ gov't does not appreciate the services large companies (railroads, steel producers) provide for them, so all the Companies just shut down and the world retreats in the chaos. The only big difference in that situation is the companies in Atlas Shrugged were driven by strong moral codes of wanting progress and providing service rather than making their CEO the most money. In the real world CEO's really do seem to be greedy bastards. ANYWAY, at the end of Atlas shrugged the world goes dark, electric companies stop, no more gas or coal, no transportation. People are thrown back into pioneer days. That excited me. I would love to be a part of that struggle. So right now, in this crazy mood I'm in I say whoever is holding up our economy should just throw it on the ground, shatter it, bring it on bitch.

What is worth it

2008-11-05T22:22:00.003-06:00

I've been a busy bee lately and thought makes me think a lot about what is a good use of my time. I do my schoolwork, workout, work both of my jobs, try to fit a social life in, make time for a significant lady, relax and explore my own interests all in a 24 hour day. Now mind you, this is not a gripe. I am well aware most have equally busy schedule and the many have far busier. This is just my story.
When all you are is busy, and you are presented with freetime it's hard to know what to do with it. I no longer know how to fully relax. I'm finding more and more that my apartment that I used to love hanging out at so much has become a place of infinite stresses. My room is never clean, there are always dirty dishes, those DVD's on my shelf need to be re-alphabetized, I could write that letter to my grandma, and oh yeah, I just remembered I need to call my parents tonight. These days the only way I can relax is to get out of the house. I'm beginning to understand this idea of vacations more. Back in the day, my idea of vacation was sitting at home, watching movies, reading, and maybe playing a few videogames. Now, because the place I live in is more my own I see all the stressors that surround me, and while trying to relax and cannot help but think of the productive things I could be doing. I know right? Rather than be a bitch about it though, I'm looking for ways to improve. I am looking to find new methods of relaxation and to eliminate stressors and things I don't need.

Things I could eliminate.

My second job at geography (getting up at 7:30 every morning has a toll on you)
My addiction to shows like Always Sunny, Scrubs, Magnum P.I. and Dexter
Sleepovers
Idle TV watching (thinking of moving my TV into room and making it a 2nd monitor)
Excess Drinking

So I've decided to cut down on drinking, sleepovers and Idle TV watching. I'm just not going to turn the TV on. Really the matter is I need to focus better and not get distracted, which I think the cutting down on drinking will help. I need to increase focus in general. I write papers that just wander from topic to topic, never really picking one, I tell stories that end up where they don't intend, I try to make callers grade A callers in one sitting, rather than giving them the structured growth they need. My mind needs to pick on thing and work on it uninterrupted. That's what I'm going to work on, it even goes back to the regime. I'm working on my regimen. This time it's focus. You guys should all do this too. Think about what you have on your plate, what you want on it, and what you can eliminate to fit that in. You can't eat dessert if you have two entrees.

Real Quick, Things that are worth my time:

Friends
School
Girl
Mind Expansion
Exercise
Movies

I need to watch more full movies! Being a Film-student really cuts down on the time you have for movies.

A Tribute to the People I Like

2008-10-28T19:13:00.002-05:00

So I took a nap today and awoke in quite the grumpy mood. One thing I am proud of is that whenever I am in a mood I am usually aware that it is just that, "a mood" and that with enough effort and time I can snap back into my usual cheery self. Often, I can learn from these moods by looking at what intensifies the mood, what causes the mood, and what things make me happy even when I am in a mood.

A lot of people take walks, or listen to music, or do drugs to calm themselves. I usually go workout, think about the mood while working out, draw some conclusions, and if the conclusions are decent enough, write them here.

So the big thought for today goes something like this. I am generally in love with the world and humankind but for the most part don't really like people. One thing I have always prided myself on the most is that I can read people. If I meet a person I am very usually able to know their intentions, a general idea of the thoughts in their heads, their insecurities and so forth. I am usually able to draw the good or bad essence out of people, analyze their motivations behind that good/bad essence and then decide if they fit into the generally good or bad category (I'll probably write a later blog on just this). What I discovered today though is that my reading people powers only works on simple people. Then I thought to myself, if I really dislike people so much, why do I have such good friends? What do all my friends have in common? I think it is that I can't exactly read them. All the people I genuinely like, appreciate the company of and value my relationship with are complex. I feel they all have some deep aspirations and dreams that they are striving for but also have conflicting priorites/concerns. Basically all the people I genuinely like I feel have the same inner battles I do and go a little deeper than "I can drink 13 more beers than you"

So thank you to everyone I love for being complex and living for more than simple reasons. I genuinely appreciate you, am glad to have met you and look forward to growing as a person with you. Rarely am I sincere in an expression of emotion, but I really mean it this time.
(BTW you people I am talking to should know who you are. Bitches)

Side notes:
1. Pat Quinn, contrary to popular belief, does not rape children (even though I am sure it is a struggle for him every day to resist)

Other things that have been getting on my nerves recently:
1. Nothing is secret anymore. There are cameras everywhere. Anything anybody wants to find out about you they can. You can't get away with anything anymore
2. There are not enough hours in the day
3.If you have a mental problem (like I do) where you really like to be right, life is really frustrating because in this day and age technically nothing is right and no matter what somebody can argue the opposite side so really even though I HAVE to be right I never can and thats fucking frustrating
4. There is a slim possibility that McCain could be elected and honestly that stresses me out every G'Damned day --- On a further note, if that were to happen I would be even more stressed out because gaining citizenship in another country can be difficult, and I imagine flights out of the country will be packed if he is elected and how do you tell your parents you are leaving the country?
5. There are so few good journalists out there that dont just badger and badger til they get the candidate to say what they want and then leave the situation.

Things that Made me Happy today
1. There was this cute little kid with his mother at hotel vetro today just running around and talking about what he wanted to do.
2.The kid suddenly switched languages and started talking to his mother in German, I understood every word and learned that it was his birthday which is even better
3. We gave final project pitches in Film class today and nobody clapped for anybody's pitch until mine and people said, "wow" and similar things
4. Out of about 12 ideas for the Bran and Park shoot, mine was picked by a landslide
5. I took the time and made a delicious sandwich today
6.I had a funny realization that my sophomore year of highschool and sophomore year of college mentalities have been very similar
7. Geoff is playing at the Mill tonight

Economy

2008-09-15T15:34:00.002-05:00

Reportedly the Dow Jones fell 500 points today. That sounds bad. My highschool economy class was a joke, so I can't pretend to fully wrap my mind about repurcussion of the current economic situation, but I can say it sounds bad and I'm kind of worried.

What it does make me hopeful for however, is that we will continue to see a shift in movies. I've read several articles about how movies tend to be more uplifting, escapist and fantastical when times are bad for the country. I love movies set in different universes and worlds where a creator is free to set their own rules. (I've talked about this previously with how I really love how Marvel is establishing a cross-character universe) There has been a trend to create more superhero movies, more action movies set in alternate realities, more otherworldly fantasy epics and I love it. I just hope things continue to go in that direction because, honestly, constantly hearing that EVERY movie is reimagining something with a darker tone is starting to get old. "We're remaking Curious George, but it's going to be grittier and more violent, you will really get to see what turned George into the animal he is." I don't want to hear that. Curious George is an adorable monkey. I like adorable monkeys. I'm not saying I don't enjoy darker reimaginings. I mean I love stylized violence. Just, enough is enough. Darker should not equivocate quality is basically what I am saying.

I just love imagination in movies and being completely caught up in a different world. Completely forgetting that you are on earth as you watch a movie. Basically what spielberg does best. Also, I dont want to see another film about some depressed girl, who meets some messed up alcoholic/blind/druggie/autistic/torchured character and they pout and then try to make some meaning. END.

Everyone hates a poser

2008-09-15T15:15:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking about what qualities I really admire in people and I think I've known all along that I value Integrity the most. It's funny that in the fifth grade I was forced to write a report about integrity after getting into some shenanigans in computer class and am now so appreciative of it. For me as long as a person is living with integrity and being completely honest with themselves I can respect them. So many people just live day to day with the intention of making it to the end or act in situations how they feel they are expected to act. That aggravates me to no end. Allow me to illustrate an example.

First I do not believe anyone should ever try to be just like someone else. Yes, I think emulating one's good qualities is a noble endeavor, but trying to be them is a different far less noble one. I cannot tell a lie, there are characteristics of my older brother I admire, I often try to summon those up in me. But if I were to go out, dress just like him, try to think of what he would say and say that, walk like him, live like him, I would no longer be me. I would lose all remnant of self. I would be a phony, or as I would say back in my wannabe punker days, a poser. Everyone hates a poser.

On the other hand if I were to look past actions, words, and appearances to look to the underlying intentions and integrities of them, and draw out those qualities I could use them. Not in the sense that I would be imitating but really in a way evolving. I would think to myself, "ok I've pinpointed the underlying quality that I truly admire, now how would I use that quality." You have to ask yourself, "why is this quality admirable? What is it that I admire about it? What can I learn from this?" and then use your newfound knowledge.

I really should have prefaced this all by saying integrity is really a multi-faceted thing and one important part is truth to ones self and genuineness.

It is cheesy but also very try that one must never try to be someone they're not. It is far more admirable for one to come to you exactly as what they are. whatever that may be, rather than be able to imitate something they're not to near perfection.

I also want to make a shout out to a shining example of genuineness -Geoffrey P.

an assignment for class I liked

2008-09-11T01:41:00.000-05:00

I am an extremely visual person. My observations aren’t broad but extremely focused. I wouldn’t say that I am observant, my friends often criticize me for completely missing the obvious or for being a sort of space cadet at times. It’s usually because I actually did observe something a bit ago and am now playing with it in my head. I notice a room with a table and think of all the variants of the table, or scenes involving the table. What if the table could move? Would it hover or walk with its legs? Where is it heading and why? What kind of dinner would be placed on it next? What if three men in a barroom brawl slammed through the nearby door and one of them ended up being thrown on to the table, breaking it into pieces?
When I see words I play a mixture of scrabble and text-twist in my mind. Letters are rearranged, words are mispronounced, and letters become objects rather than pronounceable symbols. Sentences in books are zoomed in on and become terrains for tiny people to climb upon and attempt to conquer.
What is frustrating about all this is when you see a table, turn to your friend and say, “Hey dude, what if that table suddenly got really mad?” The friend looks at you like you’re an idiot. You try to explain that, obviously, the table would attack us and go on a rampage kind of like a mad horse but they still give you that blank stare. It’s no use trying to communicate these absurd visuals to others. When you find a particularly curvy object in the distance, an uneven fence for example, and begin to trace its curves with a pointed finger, making swooshing noises with acceleration and your friend asks you, “Bryce, what the heck are you doing?” What can you say? Do you try to explain that there could be an awesome snowmobile chase scene on that fence or just shake it off and say, “nothing?” It usually ends up being the “nothing.”
I want people to be able to imagine the same things I do. It all goes back to me playing with Legos, where I’d create wild flying vehicles, then recreate a scene for my mother to watch. I want to share my visuals. That’s why I’m here as a Cinema major and why I enroll in writing courses. When you don’t have the time or capabilities to shoot a movie you can write it out, or explain it. Whenever I want to explain a concept to people, such as “what I do at my job” I begin to act it out rather than just tell them. Others who know have to chime in and clarify.
Basically I want to be clear myself and eliminate the need for others to aid my communication, illustrate my imagination in whatever form best fits the image, and then share that image with others to see what they think of it.

10 things you didnt know about Dell Computers.

2008-09-02T15:09:00.002-05:00

1. Dell computers are used in 431 nations across the World, the widest spread company besides McDonalds.
2. In Western Somalia, Dell's are called Djitwali which translates to "problem solver"
3. in 1983 Michael Dell was involved in a car accident with what some believe was a U.F.O.
4. Dell computers are responsible for 13.6 percent of the U.S. energy output, with that energy we could run Las Vegas for 240 years!
5. According to a recent Times poll, The Dell brand name is more recognizable to American fifth grade students than Adolf Hitler.
6. In 2001 Dell introduced a short lived marketing scheme entitled "Dellicious" in which 25 edible Dell computers were given away to lucky winners.
7. Michael Dell was one of the founding members of Krispy Kreme before leaving after a dispute over custard filling.
8. In the movie "Wag the Dog" Vincent D'onofrio's character mistakenly refers to Dell's as Delms
9. Michael Dell's great grandfather Theodore Dell worked his way up from peanut salesman to ringleader in an early Barnum and Bailey's circus.
10.On all Dell computers made after the year 1992, there appears the phrase "vesti siu lada de Olympia" which in latin means roughly "calculate with speed of olympians"

Internet Authority

2008-09-02T15:05:00.002-05:00

So I read a lot of top 10 or top 100 lists in my boredom. Today I read 100 facts that should change the world. There were facts along the lines of Americans spend so and so on pornography every day, the same amount as is spent on aids relief in Africa. I thought, " wow I have no idea where this info is coming from. It could all be bull but because this guy writes with authority I tend to believe it. I am going to take this method and make my own lists. It will be fun.

Media

2008-09-01T22:50:00.001-05:00

Fourth. I have been realizing that a lot of what people tend to learn about their candidates of choice has to do with what media source they read. I tend to get the majority of my info straight from obama’s website and speeches. OR through Time and CNN’s RSS feeds. I have to say Time is proving to be unbalanced toward the liberal side, cnn seems to at least attempt to be more balanced (although liberal leaning at heart) so I gotta say, I get most of my info from liberal sources. The other day I was watching fox news though. Holy shit that channel loves being overly bluntly offensively conservative.

Sarah Palin

2008-09-01T22:49:00.002-05:00

Third blog. Sarah Palin. Sarah Palin is a gimmick, and a poorly chosen one at that. At first all you hear about is will the democrats unite? There exists a conceived split between hillary supporters and Obama supporters. McCain is simply trying to capitalize on Palin being a woman. He wants the supporters and he will sink to this low to get it. Palin also has less experience than Obama. She hasn’t even served a full term as governor. AND she is governor of a state that is not in the least bit representative of the united states as a whole. She is involved in an ongoing investigation regarding a time she may have over stepped her boundaries and tried to us her influence illegally. Her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. This one really gets to me for a multitude of reasons. 1. A 17 year old girl should not be a news story, especially for her pregnancy. BUT whose fault is it the 17 year old girl is in the spotlight and probably undergoing immense stress? Her mother’s. If her mother had not accepted the nomination her family would not be undergoing any unwanted scrutiny and stress. ALSO, if a mother cannot instill her daughter with enough morals to not be having sex at her age she should at least be able to raise her smart enough to use contraceptives if doing so. If a woman can’t keep control over her own family, how can she lead a country? What makes me so mad about it all is McCain did not pick this person for her leadership prowess, he chose her for her and her family’s image. They are the every American, people vote for the every American. The thing is though, do you want neighborhood Bob from the mechanic’s shop leading your country? Everyman Bob discussing national safety with the heads of foreign nations? Or do you want someone ahead of the pack? Tell me this. Would you vote for Sarah Palin if she was running for president and McCain vice? Hell no. Would you vote for Biden if he was running with Obama as vice? Not nearly as eagerly, but yes.

Also I type these quickly and don’t check for typos or errors, so forgive me.