Intense
I just watched the movie Gone Baby Gone. I fell asleep during a part of it but I got the main points. I liked it a lot. It forced me to take sides. I was on the female character’s side. That’s one thing that really pisses me off about today’s people. People have to be accepting of everything, or at least open to it. I want to modify that rule. People should consider every new option, but pick a side. This doesn’t mean you have to deny the other person the right to have their side or fight to eliminate all opposing sides. Just that people can man up and pick a side. People are so scared to be caught wrong, or to offend some other person that they cant commit to anything and it frustrates the hell out of me. Make bold statements. Take a side. Don’t be afraid to tell people you disagree with them and why you do. I am tired of this politeness in conversation when someone brings up something wholly offensive and the other person just sits and gets offended or says something to the meager affect of “you may be offending some here.” Strong willed people with convictions, principles and futures are going to offend people from time to time. Jesus pissed a lot of people off, so did Hitler, so did Roosevelt, so has Ghandi I am sure. They didn’t piss people off because they are going out there and trying to rile people up or grind their gears, they just weren’t afraid to fight for and lead for what they believe in. They have gone down as historic figures whether they be the villain or the hero. I’d rather be a villain than that confused man standing in the crowd not sure where to go before he gets pounced upon by a lion. I think I like extremes, I like bold things. The music that most pleases me is music that I think sounds fatal. A song that sounds like it could kill you if listened to wrong, or if you weren’t prepared for it. I like that much passion in anything I absorb. I don’t want to read a book where the stakes are, is Johnny going to break up with me, I want to read a book where it’s did Johnny murder my mother, and if he did what am I going to do about that? The stakes are high. People don’t realize that stakes are high in this world. Donald Trump didn’t get to where he is by playing it easy and slow as if losing the race just meant you won 50 dollars instead of 75. Revolutions are never succeeded in on the basis of, “if we lose, oh well, there’s always tomorrow.” People that change the world and make a big impact realize the stakes are big. Life is big. You have one. It’s a harsh thing. Live it harshly, intensely. Harsh does not just mean bad, eliminate the connotations and dig to the root. I like the word intense. It’s focused energy. Energy with intent. Steven Henning wants to be intense and I understand why. You can’t just be intense though because of that one specification. What is your intent? Where is your energy focused. My girlfriend told me she likes me because I am interesting the other day and I thought, “that is simply not true.” This has been told me to for, sometimes in other variants such as odd, weird, freaky, sociopathic or cold. I think I am interesting because I am intense. My focus is me. I live my life intensely focused on me. Every moment I am in my head running analyses, projecting images, making decisions, playing out the what if’s, and planning my words. I am intensely focused on myself. Narcissism but without the pride. Somehow I think people can sense this and they want to figure it out. Maybe I am interesting. If my mind has turned it’s focus almost entirely on itself, there must be something there to find. Or maybe that’s just me tricking myself. Who knows. All I know that is tonight I want to be the berserker on the field taking off heads with the long hard swings of his battle axe. He may go down sooner than all the others but he knew his purpose the entire time was to kill, not to survive and you can bet he killed more than the soldiers who made it out that day. I just realized something important when I considered posting this online. Posting this online would be bold, it could make people argue with me and react negatively. It could lose me friends or gain me associations I don’t like. I like the idea of risk and bold moves and high stakes, but don’t always like participating in them myself. Inner insight.
Negativity
Who else is getting a little down about the state of affairs in the United States? I am super excited for Obama, don't get me wrong, but I honestly feel we have another depression on our hands. All I see in the news is how bad our economy is, how much the DOW jones is dropping, what companies are going to go bankrupt, how everyone is buying guns. It is extremely hard to be optimistic about the future of the united states. I can honestly say the only light I see in our future is Barack Obama and while he may be extremely capable and motivated to change the U.S. I just don't know if he can do it. Definitely not in 4 years. Then again the idea of economic collapse kind of thrills me. It means people can get away with more. Deterioration of laws and a return to a different kind of society. I honestly think it could be good for the united states. Unification through common struggle. I want this to happen.
One of my favorite books of all time is Atlas Shrugged and this situation in some ways reminds me of that books. Basically the public/ gov't does not appreciate the services large companies (railroads, steel producers) provide for them, so all the Companies just shut down and the world retreats in the chaos. The only big difference in that situation is the companies in Atlas Shrugged were driven by strong moral codes of wanting progress and providing service rather than making their CEO the most money. In the real world CEO's really do seem to be greedy bastards. ANYWAY, at the end of Atlas shrugged the world goes dark, electric companies stop, no more gas or coal, no transportation. People are thrown back into pioneer days. That excited me. I would love to be a part of that struggle. So right now, in this crazy mood I'm in I say whoever is holding up our economy should just throw it on the ground, shatter it, bring it on bitch.
One of my favorite books of all time is Atlas Shrugged and this situation in some ways reminds me of that books. Basically the public/ gov't does not appreciate the services large companies (railroads, steel producers) provide for them, so all the Companies just shut down and the world retreats in the chaos. The only big difference in that situation is the companies in Atlas Shrugged were driven by strong moral codes of wanting progress and providing service rather than making their CEO the most money. In the real world CEO's really do seem to be greedy bastards. ANYWAY, at the end of Atlas shrugged the world goes dark, electric companies stop, no more gas or coal, no transportation. People are thrown back into pioneer days. That excited me. I would love to be a part of that struggle. So right now, in this crazy mood I'm in I say whoever is holding up our economy should just throw it on the ground, shatter it, bring it on bitch.
What is worth it
I've been a busy bee lately and thought makes me think a lot about what is a good use of my time. I do my schoolwork, workout, work both of my jobs, try to fit a social life in, make time for a significant lady, relax and explore my own interests all in a 24 hour day. Now mind you, this is not a gripe. I am well aware most have equally busy schedule and the many have far busier. This is just my story.
When all you are is busy, and you are presented with freetime it's hard to know what to do with it. I no longer know how to fully relax. I'm finding more and more that my apartment that I used to love hanging out at so much has become a place of infinite stresses. My room is never clean, there are always dirty dishes, those DVD's on my shelf need to be re-alphabetized, I could write that letter to my grandma, and oh yeah, I just remembered I need to call my parents tonight. These days the only way I can relax is to get out of the house. I'm beginning to understand this idea of vacations more. Back in the day, my idea of vacation was sitting at home, watching movies, reading, and maybe playing a few videogames. Now, because the place I live in is more my own I see all the stressors that surround me, and while trying to relax and cannot help but think of the productive things I could be doing. I know right? Rather than be a bitch about it though, I'm looking for ways to improve. I am looking to find new methods of relaxation and to eliminate stressors and things I don't need.
Things I could eliminate.
Real Quick, Things that are worth my time:
When all you are is busy, and you are presented with freetime it's hard to know what to do with it. I no longer know how to fully relax. I'm finding more and more that my apartment that I used to love hanging out at so much has become a place of infinite stresses. My room is never clean, there are always dirty dishes, those DVD's on my shelf need to be re-alphabetized, I could write that letter to my grandma, and oh yeah, I just remembered I need to call my parents tonight. These days the only way I can relax is to get out of the house. I'm beginning to understand this idea of vacations more. Back in the day, my idea of vacation was sitting at home, watching movies, reading, and maybe playing a few videogames. Now, because the place I live in is more my own I see all the stressors that surround me, and while trying to relax and cannot help but think of the productive things I could be doing. I know right? Rather than be a bitch about it though, I'm looking for ways to improve. I am looking to find new methods of relaxation and to eliminate stressors and things I don't need.
Things I could eliminate.
- My second job at geography (getting up at 7:30 every morning has a toll on you)
- My addiction to shows like Always Sunny, Scrubs, Magnum P.I. and Dexter
- Sleepovers
- Idle TV watching (thinking of moving my TV into room and making it a 2nd monitor)
- Excess Drinking
Real Quick, Things that are worth my time:
- Friends
- School
- Girl
- Mind Expansion
- Exercise
- Movies
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