Intense

I just watched the movie Gone Baby Gone. I fell asleep during a part of it but I got the main points. I liked it a lot. It forced me to take sides. I was on the female character’s side. That’s one thing that really pisses me off about today’s people. People have to be accepting of everything, or at least open to it. I want to modify that rule. People should consider every new option, but pick a side. This doesn’t mean you have to deny the other person the right to have their side or fight to eliminate all opposing sides. Just that people can man up and pick a side. People are so scared to be caught wrong, or to offend some other person that they cant commit to anything and it frustrates the hell out of me. Make bold statements. Take a side. Don’t be afraid to tell people you disagree with them and why you do. I am tired of this politeness in conversation when someone brings up something wholly offensive and the other person just sits and gets offended or says something to the meager affect of “you may be offending some here.” Strong willed people with convictions, principles and futures are going to offend people from time to time. Jesus pissed a lot of people off, so did Hitler, so did Roosevelt, so has Ghandi I am sure. They didn’t piss people off because they are going out there and trying to rile people up or grind their gears, they just weren’t afraid to fight for and lead for what they believe in. They have gone down as historic figures whether they be the villain or the hero. I’d rather be a villain than that confused man standing in the crowd not sure where to go before he gets pounced upon by a lion. I think I like extremes, I like bold things. The music that most pleases me is music that I think sounds fatal. A song that sounds like it could kill you if listened to wrong, or if you weren’t prepared for it. I like that much passion in anything I absorb. I don’t want to read a book where the stakes are, is Johnny going to break up with me, I want to read a book where it’s did Johnny murder my mother, and if he did what am I going to do about that? The stakes are high. People don’t realize that stakes are high in this world. Donald Trump didn’t get to where he is by playing it easy and slow as if losing the race just meant you won 50 dollars instead of 75. Revolutions are never succeeded in on the basis of, “if we lose, oh well, there’s always tomorrow.” People that change the world and make a big impact realize the stakes are big. Life is big. You have one. It’s a harsh thing. Live it harshly, intensely. Harsh does not just mean bad, eliminate the connotations and dig to the root. I like the word intense. It’s focused energy. Energy with intent. Steven Henning wants to be intense and I understand why. You can’t just be intense though because of that one specification. What is your intent? Where is your energy focused. My girlfriend told me she likes me because I am interesting the other day and I thought, “that is simply not true.” This has been told me to for, sometimes in other variants such as odd, weird, freaky, sociopathic or cold. I think I am interesting because I am intense. My focus is me. I live my life intensely focused on me. Every moment I am in my head running analyses, projecting images, making decisions, playing out the what if’s, and planning my words. I am intensely focused on myself. Narcissism but without the pride. Somehow I think people can sense this and they want to figure it out. Maybe I am interesting. If my mind has turned it’s focus almost entirely on itself, there must be something there to find. Or maybe that’s just me tricking myself. Who knows. All I know that is tonight I want to be the berserker on the field taking off heads with the long hard swings of his battle axe. He may go down sooner than all the others but he knew his purpose the entire time was to kill, not to survive and you can bet he killed more than the soldiers who made it out that day. I just realized something important when I considered posting this online. Posting this online would be bold, it could make people argue with me and react negatively. It could lose me friends or gain me associations I don’t like. I like the idea of risk and bold moves and high stakes, but don’t always like participating in them myself. Inner insight.