God

Tonight I had a moment where I talked to God, or at least talked at him. I only go to God when I am feeling really desperate for somebody and feel like I need help, but that's not the point and I won't trouble you with that. I realized that I felt ashamed before him, because I never go to him or think of him unless it is at a time when I am feeling lowly and need him. I feel as I don't deserve his help at those times. As I talked to God aloud I wanted to promise him that I would change that, that I would come to him more often to share joys and thanks, and appreciations and minor thoughts but I could not say it. I could not lie to God, because I knew I would not keep the promise to make God a larger part of my life. What I did realize is that at times, when I have really been liking a girl, or when I have been talking to my parents I could make that change for them. For a girl I was falling for or for someone I truly cared for I can make the promise to change. I can change for love in a way. I feel that in essence God is love. I cannot lie to someone I love. I don't know where I am going with this but I just wonder. Is God to be loved, is he supposed to do all the loving and be all forgiving, or is he just all forgiving if you love him? If that's the case I need to work on my love of God.

I don't usually write about God, but his essence used to be very important to me, and I think about what he is a lot.