I was going to write this a while ago, and call it "Capacity within a Realm" now I don't really remember what the realm part is about, but I am still calling it that.
Sometimes I get the blues. Once upon a time while I had the blues I thought to myself that I had the capacity for great darkness and I think this is true. I think that were I to let myself and were I in the correct situations I could be capable of an extremely dark mentality and possible dark actions. (When I say this I don't mean like murdering/torturing people because I'm some sick puppy but I do mean, if it were part of the times participating in some sort of violent revolution, or a movement that treats humans as something less than humans - some shit like that)
When thinking about it on a not so bluesy day (you ever have that? Where you are in a more normal mental state and think, "What the hell was I thinking? How did I even convince myself to get into that thought pattern? Ever have that? I do) ANYWAY, I got to thinking that in reality I've always thought that I just had the capacity for greatness. I know it's a bold statement. But I've always had this thing in the back of my mind (who put it there? More on that later) that says, you can do great things. I'm not saying I will be an olympic athlete or bring world peace or be an academy award winning director, and for the most part I don't want those things. I think that I'm pretty good at thinking, so good that my brain does it when I don't want it to. Not saying I'm a genius, or able to compute amazingly as some savant, but I think my brain is wired in a very specific way that if harnessed can do good things. I think I could have an impact on shaping the mentality of a generation, or possibly putting an end to some mentalities that are no so beneficial. Dave and I have talked about this before, about starting some sort of movement...of sorts. I think it's best we don't do this haphazardly as well, I think I need to take the next years (decade?) figuring it out and then put it in motion.
ANYWAY I think right now I am in a mental state where I need to figure out what it is, and persuade myself further and further away from this "dark path) in order to achieve these things. BUT I do believe that a lot of what will bring good change is showing people that a lot of stuff they may consider part of this "dark path" isn't such a bad or scary thing. Basically opening people's minds to new sides of things. Is it a good thing to convince people that what they thought was bad is good? For example: earlier I wrote about gay marriage, and interracial marriage. I'm sure back in the day people were pretty convinced interracial marriage was a bad thing, someone convinced them it was good and well I'd say that turned out pretty well. SO that's what I intend to do, but now, with what I think needs to change. I'm thinking it has a lot to do with religion. Sorry folks. I kind of want to be the Richard Dawkins of agnosticism. What I can't figure out though, is whether I am a theistic or atheistic agnostic type person? I'd say I'm an agnostic agnostic in that I don't think we can prove there is or isn't a God, but we should still try our best to figure it out, knowing the entire time that we can never be certain.
RAMBLINGS!!!
DONE
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