Normal?

So nothing is normal, nor is anybody. It's a blanket statement and we all know it, but let's think about it (I just realized let's is a contraction for let us...neat)

OK SO we have this idea that there is normality, or that people are to develop a certain way. If you don't develop this way, you are not normal. BUT there really is no such thing as normal. There are just things that we are used to that are not different enough from what we are used to to say they aren't normal.

SO when we are developing and aging our minds try to come to terms with who we are/ what our idea of normal is/ and how we fit into all that. Our brains try to figure themselves out, the brains of others out, and how are brains fit into the community of brains we live in. This is extremely difficult. So I was thinking of things that shaped me the other day and analyzing how they have messed me up. I'm not saying that I am a messed up person. My point in all this is that everyone is a messed up person, since there is no such thing as a normal then we all just have are variances and messed up ness. If you can realize why your brain has been shaped to think the way it does it can be very interesting, and I think, beneficial.

SO HERE WE GO.

Sometimes I have this idea in my head that I'm not a human. I at times have difficulty relating to other people on a more than polite social level. I think most people have this, it's a well known problem of only being able to experience things from your mind, even if I could read another's thoughts, it would still be me perceiving those thoughts. This creates a conundrum. I however sometimes convince myself and get to thinking that I am something other than human. I have written before that I would truly love it if I were some other being than human. An equally sentient being, but one that is not held to human laws, mores, ideals, and subconscious laws. Not above human, or below it, just an other than. Other times I do let my ego take hold of me, that ego is strong in me at times, and it convinces me that I am some sort of other being that is better than people. This is, probably, an unhealthy mentality. But what I realized is that a large part of it comes from the way I was raised. I was always in the ELP advanced learning classes, in which you are taken away from the rest of the student body to learn with your "smarter" peers. Even in elementary I was in these. Teachers also would often assign me different tasks than the other students to get me out of the classroom. My fifth grade teacher would send me to the library to get discs so I could install reading tests on the computer, basically to keep me busy so I wouldn't disturb the class.

My parents are also to blame, being their wonderful encouraging supporting selves. They always told me I could do great things, and made me aware in their own way that they thought I was smart or above the curve so to speak. (Mom and Dad, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I am extremely grateful to have been born to the best parents a person could ask for). Also my peers have been extremely kind in praising me and telling me I am smart. and hell, I am smart. I think I am.

BUT I realize that this has 1. inflated my ego
2. It subconsciously has created this thing in the back of my head that tells me I am an "other" or somehow not subject to the same things other humans are. It sometimes makes really connecting to other people difficult because I feel that they cannot possibly be experiencing life, the world, themselves and society in the same way I am. BECAUSE of course, I am special, as I have been told my whole life.

SO now that I have realized this, and can kind of understand why my mind convinces me of this I can combat it. I can realize, hey, maybe I am special, but everybody is also special, they've got the same tools as I do. They've got to have the same thoughts/experiences that I do. And I need to dig more to find these out, because through doing this, and finding that others are similar to me, I can come back to being human.


PLEASE NOTE: I am not whining. Just declaring personal revelations.
ALSO: I am aware that this is basic psychology and it's not my idea.